Something Wicked Stalks the Light

My first Halloween offering this year

Nighttime walk down a lonely city street

Trailed by the echoing of another’s feet

Electric street lamps sizzling, a flickering

Create fluid shadows dancing, snickering

In the gloom… something wicked stalks the light

prowling in the shadows… just beyond sight.

Just there… right out the corner of your eye

Something formless… something undefined you spy

Creeping closer… closer… yet still unseen

Slithering… shambling… murmuring… obscene

Dark malevolence dwells in the darkness

You hear in the shadows a susurus

An itch prickles between your shoulder blades

Your small courage so very quickly fades

Breath catching… you gasp… “Breathe” you tell yourself

Walking ever faster, you hope for help

The steps behind speed up… keep pace with you

With a loud clomp, stomp, scramble… what to do?

Don’t look deep… don’t peer into the shadows

Or you’ll be lost… forever lost in fear’s throes

A light… gasp… right there… up ahead… just goes out

Shadows in blackening gloom there now sprout

In the dark, shadowed depths, blazing red eyes 

Feeding off the terror in your fear’s rise

A sudden turning taking you away

From that lonely path where those shadows play

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[realmwriter]

I'd say it's pretty spooky. Ray Bradburyesk. But I do believe only in the title. Makes me of course, think of "Something Wicked This Way Comes" But it is very Poe. My favorite of all Bards even more than the greatest Shakespeare himself.

"A sudden turning taking you away
From that lonely path where those shadows play"

Might I add on from here?

Very well done I must say.

[alice3wonderland]

I loved it! It was great I think you're very talented

[Mila]

Wow, this was really good! I don't usually read poetry so I am useless with advice on it, but this needs none. Well done :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much.

[L. C. Rhodes]

I like the concept of being pursued. You may want to develop the ending a bit more. Does your character escape or is he/she captured? You could make it so that it's a cliffhanger too if you want.

[MomzillaNC]

I don't know if she escapes. I think that's up to the reader's imagination! :D

Thank you.

[krystle]

I like the imagery in this you have a knack for that! But I feel like a piece like this doesn't need all the pushed rhyming words

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I appreciate your review.

[Salem]

Awesome write, keep it up

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. This was my first deliberate attempt at spooky or creepy.

My lyrics, "Shariara's Lament" is rather better and inspired the short story I'm currently serializing in posts, "The Dance Plays On…"

[Matching Socks]

Haha, I am such a huge wimp, I have to admit. I jump at things that go bump in the night.
Nice job!

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. I've felt that creeping itch between my shoulder blades myself.

[Marie]

It is very spooky. Walking down a lonely street at night can be very frightening.You never know if you imagination is playing tricks, or if that shuffling noise you hear is real...

[MomzillaNC]

IKR? Every echo seems just that little bit out of synch, just enough to make you wonder if you're not alone in the dark.

[Dannyisawriter]

Well you succeeded at spooky alright! I loved it; very suspenseful :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. It's definitely suspenseful and creepy. I surprised myself. This is my first deliberate attempt in the form.

[ImSJ]

Spooky is one the most difficult atmospheres to conjure with poetry I think. After reading this I went on a search for other poems akin to this to see what they might offer. I didn't find much to cheer (?) me. I think that after watching 9 seasons of Supernatural I wonder if the thing following the speaker is really on the run itself!

I like "something wicked stalks the light prowling in the shadows" but I think you fell flat at the end. More bloodshed and mayhem, please!

[MomzillaNC]

LMBO! Violent thing aren't you? :D :D

Thanks for your review. I do agree it turned at the end. But, the thing stalking the light is still out there, prowling in the shadows… perhaps within our own souls.

[ANM]

Nice and spookily descriptive beware the jabberwock.........

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[ANM]

You are very welcome!