HEY!

For each, a gift of generosity

From Granny's doting heart

I loved the Pop! Pop! Rattle! Tumble!

O'colored beads tossed within th'globe

Sister got the rolling scene pastoral

With tinkling, tumbling, music box sound

Run around and run around and run around…

Laughin’… rollin’ 'em 'cross the ground.

Suddenly… shockingly… Sister snatches that

Pop! Pop! rattling globe from me…

And toddles off with't joyfully

I'm left in a moment's consternation

O'er the injustice of it all…

A shrug… a giggle… Plop! I sit!

And happily twiddle round the scene pastoral

Delighted, enthralled with the tumbling

Tinkling, twinkling, music box sound

Chime and ting and chink-a-tink

Dash! And WHACK! Crashed 'cross my head!

Flash of stars and black blaze before my eyes

Bright twinkles on the edge of sight

Warm, itchy dribbles down my forehead

Sister giggles now and toddles away

Gone off now with both gifts - HEY!

Author's Note

An instance of sibling rivalry out of hand in my childhood.

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

Dash! And WHACK! Crashed 'cross my head!
Flash of stars and black blaze before my eyes
Bright twinkles on the edge of sight
Warm, itchy dribbles down my forehead
Sister giggles now and toddles away
Gone off now with both gifts - HEY!

A delightful write of onomatopoeia play. Very skillfully done:)

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks so much. Great word choice -- "onomatopoeia"

[Lyn Anderson]

Very funny, and clever, and true to life. I would have but one thing. To my ear, thinks like O' and O'er sound old fashioned and formal, which is not the tone of this piece at all, and not sure the purpose of with't -- I would probably change them to without and of and over, but, you may have your reasons for leaving them that way.
As to titles, well, "Whack-a-Sister"? "Pop Goes the Gift" ?

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. IKWYM, but those were choices made for the sake of meter and to denote how far in my past this happened. "with't" = "with it"

[Lyn Anderson]

Well, I understand why you did it, to me it just sounds too formal.

[MomzillaNC]

I accept your take and do see a few places it could be changed. But, it's part of my book of poetry and is in the hands of my finalizing copy editor now. Sigh.

[Briana O'Connor]

Lol. Ah the joy of siblings. Very cute!

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. Yeah, sibling rivalry is the original b-tch! :D

[Einstein Noodle]

the title snagged my attention so i came to read .. i frequently use "Hey" in the subject box of e-mails i send :) .. its also exactly what i would say if my sib was such a thief .. if it weren't for the whack on the head i would call this a very cute scene played out all over the world for globes or smooth rocks and sticks .. wondering if you popped her back and retrieved your gift??? :) very enjoyable to read .. it was just me and my sister and our gifts were for him and her (a much simpler time of life eh!?) so we never fought over toys .. but the TV!!!!? (once it was invented; and we finally afforded one) ..now that is another story
E.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you so much.

My mother and grandmother stepped in at that point. They'd seen her whack me. The toys were left in the yard and we made a trip to the hospital. Thankfully, I didn't need stitches; but, I was left with a permanent knot on my forehead. We were pretty young, so I don't think much was done to her over the incident. I remember my mother as being very pregnant with the next sister. (There were four of us -- just imagine, after we had all synched our monthly visitors! :D) I honestly don't remember what became of the toys.

[John Anderson]

Wonderful work. I enjoyed your poem very much!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[Norman T]

This was great fun. Reminds me of the fights l used to have with my younger brother in preferring each other's possessions.
By the way, after all the amazing literary "sound effects" the title is perfect and sets the scene beautifully.

Norman

[MomzillaNC]

Really? You like that title?

Siblings are the bane and gift of our childhood. We were very young when this happened -- I think my sister was around 2 or 3 and I was around 4 or 5. LOL -- I have a permanent knot on my forehead from that whack! :D

[MomzillaNC]

BTW: I'd really appreciate your feedback on "Through True Love's Eyes."

[Anne Goldmann]

I love the cadence of this and the lovely cacophony of the action!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you so much. This is actually a very close-to-reality retelling of an incident between my sister and I. Siblings, eh?

[Anne Goldmann]

Yes! i think that is why it speaks to me. I have a violent (and loving) past with my sister too.

[MomzillaNC]

:D Don't we all!?

[MomzillaNC]

Would you please give me some input on "Through True Love's Eyes?"

[A. Amos]

I would not change anything, compelling and interesting write...truly enjoyed the read!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome my friend...

[MomzillaNC]

Hey, could you give me some feedback on "Through True Love's Eyes?"

[A. Amos]

Sure my friend...