Blind Them To My Pain

Another from well before my husband

Blind Them To My Pain

Rain, rain, fall today.

Hide the tears that wash away my joy.

Thunder roll and mask my sobs.

Lightening strike and blind them to my pain.

Death, sweet death…

My heart lies in your dark bosom.

Why must you have taken my joy away,

So little I have known lost to your jealous embrace.

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

My heart lies in your dark bosom.
I love that line. reflecting on heartache helps you appreciate the love you have,

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. And, "reflecting on heartache" absolutely "helps [us] appreciate the love [we] have." What I have now is a blinding light casting those bad old days into oblivion.

[willweb]

Happy this is from TBH. Time before happiness. This one was felt by me and though there are only a few lines, each one hit hard. I know this feeling.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much.

[Delmar Cooper]

I think some punctuation in the last line would be helpful.

[MomzillaNC]

What, besides the period already there, do you recommend?

[Delmar Cooper]

"Why must you have taken my joy away, So little I have known lost to your jealous embrace."
My trouble, and it may possibly be only my trouble, with this sentence is the void between "known" and "lost." The clause may be read "I have known little lost etc" It may be the intent to convey, "The little I have known, lost etc." Poetry does not demand clarity - open ended possibility is not unknown or undesired, but my reading is not of duality of choice or dichotomy, my reading is of an error in the writing. I see something missing and that something would define the theme of the poem. I know this comment from one doubting Thomas flies in the face of the wealth of positive adjectives I see posted about this poem, but to me the Emperor is not fully clothed.

[MomzillaNC]

The intent is to convey that I have known so little joy in my life and that it is not lost. I can see that the line might require interpretation. However, I cannot change it. This is it's published form. Thank you, though.

[Delmar Cooper]

Ah stone set already. Please disregard any suggestions. Congratulations.

[MomzillaNC]

'Fraid so. Thank you.

[Matching Socks]

Very moving Momzilla, can feel the intensity of your emotions.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. Happily, such pain and betrayal were left behind when my husband and I found each other. I hope you'll read "Distant Thunder," which is about when as started our continuing romance.

[Matching Socks]

I'll look for it! :)

[MomzillaNC]

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/MomzillaNC/1400824/

[Matching Socks]

Got it! !

[Rita L. Sev]

This a=is a powerful, intense piece, M'Zilla - darkly beautiful.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I wrote this a long time ago. "Distant Thunder" is a happier poem of the time when my husband and I found each other, when this kind of sorrow was left behind.

[MomzillaNC]

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/MomzillaNC/1400824/

[jjwilbourne]

This was short and extremely powerful.
Your words have a sharp edge here. I love it.
Well done.

[MomzillaNC]

TYVM :)

[Pryde Foltz]

All things are given and then taken … not much to be done about that. A deeply felt and expressed work. mamadi.

[MomzillaNC]

TY :)

[Alex Vidmar]

So much said with so little. Well done!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[C. Rose]

Congratulations!
This piece is a finalist in Promote Me! XI.
By 1/31/2015 you can vote for this piece here: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Promote-Me%21-XI-%28Poetry%29/50813/

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much.