Lies i've Told My Hairdresser

a short, amusing/ironic perspective on a seemingly mundane occurrence- a hair cut, and a silence in desperate need of chatter.

Lies I’ve Told My Hairdresser

By: Molly Liz

[I see no reason for you to be talking to me.  I don’t care about your affairs and you don’t care about mine. Nothing of significance will be accomplished in this brief chat. We’ll both pretend we’re enjoying the conversation, as well as fight to fill silence. All of this in a feeble attempt to avoid feeling the awkward silence, so often caused by the necessary interaction involved in such simple a task as a slight trim.  Well, it has to happen. I guess I’ll tie the apron and take a seat.]

Hello.  Fine, thanks.  Maybe just an inch or so.  Yeah, the weather has been nice. Yeah, I’ve heard that it’s supposed to be especially warm this weekend, seventy three degrees. You heard seventy five? I’m pretty sure I read that it will be seventy three, I read it on Yahoo, they’re very reliable.  You still think so? Maybe I accidentally looked at the weather for Hamtramck, instead of Detroit.  Well, I’m actually from Canada, so I don’t really keep up on Michigan’s weather patterns, no need to when you live in British Colombia.  Vancouver is quite nice this time of year, too.  Oh? You have family in Vancouver, what a coincidence! What area do they live? Oh, I live just north of there. I have an third cousin who lives around there, do they know Cecil Mertz? Oh, I guess Canada's a big place.  Yeah, you could say I’m enjoying school, It gets in the way of my pickling company, though.  No really, I own a business. Pickled eggs are a big thing in Canada. It’s really profitable, I’m thinking of dropping out of school. I don’t really need Algebra and History, given my immediate success in the business world.  Uh, no, I don’t really watch Jersey Shore, or much television at all to be more precise, I-.  Uh huh?  Ah.  Yeah.  Ha-ha.  Oh, really?  Wow, that’s really funny, but as I said, I truly don’t watch Jersey Shore.  No, I said I don’t watch that show.  I don’t know, I guess i simply haven’t gotten around to watching such perceptive television.  I’m sure it would be worth my time.  I don’t watch T.V. much, although the other day I was watching a special on the Discovery channel.  Oh, you think?  Yeah, I don’t know why I was watching it, I probably just couldn’t find the remote. It was all about the making of tube socks.  It turned out to be quite interesting, did you know that it takes about three-thousand, eight-hundred and seventy-two yards of thread to make one tube sock? That’s a lot of thread.  I know, right?  I have a uncle who collects tube socks.  I swear.  Apparently his collection is worth quite a lot, the Smithsonian continues to make his offers but he refuses to sell it.  Do you by chance watch Doctor Who?  You do! Oh. . .  no, that’s Doctor Oz.  Yeah, it’s alright, I guess it’s a common mistake. They’re very different, though.  Oh, already?  That seemed quick.  Yeah, the length looks about right. My bangs are adequate.  Thanks. Twenty seven dollars? What’s the extra charge? Oh, the blow dry was extra? Seven dollars extra? . . . And the mousse?  Eh. . . really? Alright.  No, not today.  No, I really don’t need any of your hair products, thanks though.  I like the shampoo I’m using.  No, really, I think I’m okay.  Thanks again, Have a nice weekend. Oh, Jersey Shore is on tonight? I’ll be sure to watch it. 

[Why are we so afraid of silence? I find the chatter to be so much more repugnant.] 

Author's Note

ignore grammatical errors.