Lay Me in a Field Like This

A poem I wrote about an inspiring place I hiked through this summer in England.

• • 
    Lay me in a field like this;
    a wild pllace with serene bliss
    with flowers growing in graceful wisps
    and sea-breezes breathing peacefulness.

    
    If not today then maybe tomorrow, 
    if my life does end-(to think such sorrow!)
    then lay me in a field like this
    and eternal, will be my happiness.

Author's Note

Comments, Questions, Concerns, Thoughts on life?

Reviews

[Alana McGuire]

For so little words, I really really like it! It made me smile throughout all of it and I really enjoyed the rhyming. It reminds me of the song Perfect Sonnet by Bright Eyes. :)

Again, adore this poem for it's use of it's simplicity in rhyme and for it's flow.
It's great you're going for the more "showing v.s. telling" poetry here. Confessional poetry (telling) is best left for things like spoken word and lyrics. The second stanza though still retains some of that telling aspect as seen in your previous poetic works. The first stanza though does a wonderful job of scene placement, really working well with the mix of imagery and personification.

Some criticism though:
A spelling error in line 2 with "pllace"... possible meant "place" or "palace"?
Also, don't use parenthesis in poetry... reason being: people can't overlap phrases in their minds like what can be done in music using lyrics... and also, explanations, which is basically what a parenthesis is used for, can be read just as a second line rather than a continuation of the line the parent phrase is in.
Also, don't be afraid to learn more techniques and stuff to strengthen your poetry. It's good as is, but can be better. There's always room for exploration, experimentation and improvement.

Overall, it's good work. Gotta give it a 94/100. Great job and keep it up.

[The XYZ Writer]

These short words relayed such a picture to me. Its so beautiful. Great job! Its really good!

[Robert Nicholls]

Well written. Great rhyme scheme and flow, as mentioned already.

[Harmonica winds]

Awesome write, perfect flow and wonderful rhyme scheme.

[Julia Mancini]

I throughly enjoyed this poem. You are quite talented. Keep up the excellent work!