Music From Another Room

I wrote this piece about a year and a half ago, and I keep finding myself revisiting it.

When I was young I never knew
The kind of s**t you get put through
Just to make yourself a well-liked man:

The places you don't care to list,
The people that you come to miss,
The boundaries that you'll never cross again.

When something comes across the floor
Inviting you to offer more;
Its love again, she's digging in your fate-

Knowing that your time is soon,
When music from another room
Comes playing through the radiator grate.

Author's Note

The picture is a drawing I found in my old notebook I used for class. Yes, I am an awful artist, but if its not clear, its a stick figure man on a sailboat with a girl who has a pile of books beside her. The man is looking back at a nearby Island where another girl looks back at him.

If the picture isn't coming up here is a link to it:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/385790_809528466665_36410729_37804614_875085698_n.jpg

Reviews

[Nobody.]

what an interesting little rhyme. Somewhere between Shel Silverstein and John Donne, you've found a hybrid moment to convey; and man does it tear at the substance of the soul.

Like running fingers over old scars,
and remembering why you never want that to happen again,
and then a beautiful distraction
wafts into the room,
and everything goes back into the box.

Great stuff dude.

Cheers!

[Rogue]

What it means to be a functioning adult in "today's society". The sacrifices made.. From expendable friends to going against our own inner beliefs. If only life were black and white with no grey areas.

Good write! :)

[Moflo]

Thank you! :)

[Debbie_Philly]

This was a really well done piece.. your name fits your poetry... MoFlo for sure... you do have great flow !! :)

[Moflo]

Hahah thanks! I like that, More Flow lol.

[Chesney W.]

nice....i like it :)

[DalainaRenee]

This really pulls out a story to it! And seems like there is much more to the story and makes you want to read more!!

[freelancejouster]

an interesting little rhyme. i liked it.

[Amata Luna]

This one is very insightful to read. Different meanings come out of it as I go reading it over and over. Short as it may seem but I like the way you played with words and how smoothly they flow on the tongue. A nice piece of writing.

[Bare trees]

Woman can do strange things to a man--Make him go to places he would never go; make him eat things he never ate; and in general, just make him crazy. ha It really sucks when, at the same time, an old flame won't let go of your mind and heart. I think you might have been expressing that here. A nicely written poem, or should I say lament.

[Cassie Fraga]

Im sooooo diggin yo style brah!!! the way your words flow together is just amazing!! the way you convey your story in such short bars is pure talent!!
keepem coming!!!

[Hayley]

Insightful. I think you keep coming back to it because it's more of a reflection and a conclusion (and I keep reading it!) You can't help but keep thinking about the conclusion because it's thought-provoking in itself. "It's love again, she's digging in your fate-" That could be a good thing or a bad thing; It depends on how it compares to the "s**t you get put through just to make yourself a well-liked man." I took the music from the other room as a curious opportunity you're not sure if you'd want to pass it up. Maybe it involves that love.
I'm also noting the free flow of your rhyming, which is a hard thing to do without it sounding forced. I wouldn't change a thing.

[wordaddict]

Well worded piece about looking back
NICE