To New York

Dedicated to the city I was born in, and why I left it.

I'm sorry but I could never love you now
After I have seen your true colors and
Your wrath which others mark up as your glory;
They spew that they are stronger, able to
Take the scrutiny you expose upon
Your residents, like some disastrous plague,
But it is no real pleasure to survive
The disease if you're still subject to the symptoms,
And this is why I have moved away.

I walk amidst the streets of Manhattan
Past a quarry of ducks you call your own,
Business men, ducks in suits, quacking away
With profanity and judgment of their
Peers; they sure are superior, they think.
And in a dive on 53rd Street, I
Vanish into insignificance as one
Duck flies in for his feeding, alcohol
In a "dress shirt" by Ed Hardy and shoes
By Louis Vitton, a walking rap song!
To me, he is comical in his skin.

But now that I am gone, I see you
In the faces of the others out here,
They long to be amongst the ducks
Soaring through what they consider endless skies,
And I don't have the courage to say its
All a lie! For your ducks cannot fly high,
They don't wish to; they live beside a lake
That's more plentiful than anywhere else,
But they only assume this because they
Have never really left! But I have now,
And your ignorance, to me, is comical.

Author's Note

Definitely not a finished product but I just wanted to get this one up. PS, if you have never been to New York, A New York accent has been compared to a duck's quack...hope that helps the imagery. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I love this also! You are very talented. Your metaphor here is quite interesting, and it works well. Maybe all they really want to be is geese, but deep down they know they are inadequate. This reminds me of a theme of Catcher In The Rye--if you've never read it you should--where Holden Caulfield asks random people throughout the book where the ducks from the pond in Central Park go when the pond is frozen. Interesting, if not intentional, parallel. Great piece!
KH

[Amy Vaughn]

"'m sorry but I could never love you now
After I have seen your true colors and
Your wrath which others mark up as your glory"

Those are my favorite lines. The only thing I thought it needed work on was how long it was, maybe tighten it up so it's stronger. Otherwise I like the comparison to ducks, though when I think of New York City I think of all those damn pigeons. I like the "ducks in suits" also - I could picture those businessmen who think they are all that walking down the street.

[GreenSkeleton16]

i feel bad cause i suck at understanding poems that arnt mine. :) message me and tell me what its about so i can re read and understand it>? :)

[Stammers]

I think this is good, I like it because its unique to you, and will read as interesting for other people living different realities. I think if anything its too wordy as it stands, if you do edit it don't lose the conversational tone, but trim instead so the words selected just feel more... Its hard to get right. I also think your first line should be your last line, and that the references could be more subtle. So we think it is to a person/lover, etc until towards the end. I really like your 3stanza form, and I love what it is you're actually saying 'That's more plentiful than anywhere else,
But they only assume this because they
Have never really left!' and the reference to NY being the city of dreams in 'endless skies', but ducks cannot fly - very good ;D

I sound like I've slated this abit, I'm really not trying to, its just got a lot of potential even though its better than most as it stands, I like it so it has my mind racing - I hope you stick with it and polish it up, it's very good.

[Ashley]

buddy im from new york. not all people here suck. however most of them do...

[Liza]

lol ~ i'm from New Yawk lol
i don't think i have an accent :)
but this was a joy to read from an outsiders perspective

[Misty Blue Eyes]

i love how you see the face of your ex in the others faces. and describe them as ducks. very nicely done

[D S Rollins]

I definitely got the imagery, hands down. I really enjoyed this.

[Marie Harrison]

Ha! This is funny! I can hear the duck sound now. I lived there for a while. They people were actually pretyy cool to me. Great poem.

[Magdelena]

hahahahaha. Oh I so love the image our accents have. You too funny Mike.. Wait, I do sound like that! lol Okay this is good.. I like what you brought forth. I too found NY amusing and also sometimes the best of all the best. I guess it's what we grow up with, but I see so much of your words as I close my eyes and think back to what it is really like.. You described it so well in this imagery me friend and I quack quack to ya and say bravo!

Mags xxx

[Aimee Mahathy]

Wow, I love this! I think if you could lengthen it, or at least add some more depth and description to the last part. Like give examples or describe how narrow their vision is, how they have never left and so think their lake so wonderful.
I've only been to New York once, when I was little and lived in New Jersey, but I've been to Chicago plenty of times. If they're even in the least similar, I can picture what you talk about here. The ducks in suits. Brilliant metaphor too! I loved the "alcohol in a dress shirt" part, that was amazing!
People tend to idolize the idea of a thing, before they have seen it for themselves. So it makes sense that people would laud New York for being such a wonderful place and ignore the stupidity that they themselves have not witnessed.
Great job!