Playing Commander Keen

Commander Keen was a computer game I had when I was a kid.

Based on a dream I had the night of November 6, 2009

I find myself in your bedroom,
Someplace I haven't been since June.
Our bed is cut in half now with
A red curtain separating
Me and you, but I'm not alone,
My friend is with me, he is drunk
And he is stumbling around
The curtain like a rapid dog.

He trips! He falls into the curtain,
And he rips it down, exposing
You and your new friend in bed
But there is no alarm, just stares,
And for a second you're enthralled
That we could share this bed again.

Then, suddenly, I find I have
Returned to a different time:
A game I played once as a kid
Where all the road ahead of me
Was endless platforms rising high
Into what seemed like endless skies,
And every single platform was
Christened with tiny treasures:
Candy-bars and lollipops,
Ice-cream cones and Gobstoppers.
And here I jumped into the sky,
Rising with each platform's step.

Then the platforms ended and
I approached a distant staircase,
Just to find that you were back
In my arms, to join my climb.
We softly hit each wooden stair,
Climbing with your hand in mine.

And as we approached the top
I froze, to a sudden alarm.
I see a man atop the stairs
Asleep in his chair, even though
He holds a video camera
Filming those who climb the steps,
And beside him, a monitor
A television screen showing
Our climb into the sky
For all the onlookers to see.

I stop to wake the poor man up,
To say he is asleep at work;
But the onlookers disagree,
Say I should let the poor man sleep.
And when I turned to finish my
Climb, I found you'd disappeared.

So I jumped and jumped just looking
For where you might have gone or
Something that would serve as a clue
To what you might be doing now,
And after every empty platform,
The candy-bars and lollipops,
The ice-cream cones and Gobstoppers,
Which no longer exist because
I have already been here, I
Realize you're a pointless cause.

So solemnly I do return
To our bedroom all alone.
There is no curtain anymore
And I am sliding furniture
Around so I can re-create
What once separated our bed.

In the haste I find a picture
Tacked onto your wall of you
And me, when I was younger,
A past you never saw, although
There you stood beside me, repulsed
At what you were, what I once was.

-There's a photograph in my room too
Of all my friends from youth posing
With their wives and girlfriends now
In a beige kitchen.  And there I was
Off to the side, still by myself
Standing by an open window,
And covering the window,
A red curtain.

Author's Note

This poem is very personal to me, mostly because I feel my writing it predicted something that happened to me a year later. I still feel as though its not perfect though so please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[OT]

very powerful descriptions and content, you took us on a bit of a trip!! it reminded me of a cross between playing mario and watching a tortured love story haha - climbing the platforms to ascend to the higher levels - but falling back down to the bedroom which you now occupy alone!! It reads a little prose like (not sure if intentional) but I like that! I think rhymes would have made it contrived! nice!!

[Narnie]

I wonder if you have tried writing this as prose and then trying the poem with extracting only the feeling with a slight movement rather than the whole narrative? Although the poem tells the story, the pace is slow with a rapid ending. I know the contents are personal to you, which is why I hesitate to critique but I think the premise is good and maybe deserves either a complete telling (in a short story) followed by a brief clarification via a poem of the key emotions? But a big high five for you for documenting this moment. They are often the most difficult to write when they are so close to us.

[Cynthia]

I so love this poem which brought us to your dream you dreamt about! This IS a very personal poem, I always believe dreams are sort of a fortune teller and tells a story XD

[Stacey]

This is thinking verse Mike! You wrote this in Nov 2009...I have to know if the last stanza was how you saw and after Nov 2010 and added? To me that has relevance to this verse. It's clear that the red curtain defines separation or defining line in the sand, the breaking point or when the realization hit you. I enjoyed this write very much and it still has me thinking. That's wonderful when a writer can inspire "after thought". Enjoyed the read very much!

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

You really took us on an interesting journey through your mind. It was so honest in the details and way you told it, the murmurings of emotion underlying it all finished it off nicely.

[Marie Harrison]

Wow, what a journey you took us on. I really enjoyed this dream state adventure. What a trippy dream. What did you take before you went to sleep that night? Cool poem.

[GreenSkeleton16]

I dont get the other comment someone posted...it didnt rhyme what is she talking about?

anyway, that is a crazy dream... what happened to u later that year that it predicted?
you told the dream very well

[Misty Blue Eyes]

WOW this is a crazy dream to have. i loved how you told it. very well put togethere.

[Stef Outsiders]

I like this story, it rhymed all the way through, i don't see anything wrong with it... well done honey x

[melissa]

Very nice it had a good rhythm to it :)