Playing Commander Keen

Commander Keen was a computer game I had when I was a kid.

Based on a dream I had the night of November 6, 2009

I find myself in your bedroom,
Someplace I haven't been since June.
Our bed is cut in half now with
A red curtain separating
Me and you, but I'm not alone,
My friend is with me, he is drunk
And he is stumbling around
The curtain like a rapid dog.

He trips! He falls into the curtain,
And he rips it down, exposing
You and your new friend in bed
But there is no alarm, just stares,
And for a second you're enthralled
That we could share this bed again.

Then, suddenly, I find I have
Returned to a different time:
A game I played once as a kid
Where all the road ahead of me
Was endless platforms rising high
Into what seemed like endless skies,
And every single platform was
Christened with tiny treasures:
Candy-bars and lollipops,
Ice-cream cones and Gobstoppers.
And here I jumped into the sky,
Rising with each platform's step.

Then the platforms ended and
I approached a distant staircase,
Just to find that you were back
In my arms, to join my climb.
We softly hit each wooden stair,
Climbing with your hand in mine.

And as we approached the top
I froze, to a sudden alarm.
I see a man atop the stairs
Asleep in his chair, even though
He holds a video camera
Filming those who climb the steps,
And beside him, a monitor
A television screen showing
Our climb into the sky
For all the onlookers to see.

I stop to wake the poor man up,
To say he is asleep at work;
But the onlookers disagree,
Say I should let the poor man sleep.
And when I turned to finish my
Climb, I found you'd disappeared.

So I jumped and jumped just looking
For where you might have gone or
Something that would serve as a clue
To what you might be doing now,
And after every empty platform,
The candy-bars and lollipops,
The ice-cream cones and Gobstoppers,
Which no longer exist because
I have already been here, I
Realize you're a pointless cause.

So solemnly I do return
To our bedroom all alone.
There is no curtain anymore
And I am sliding furniture
Around so I can re-create
What once separated our bed.

In the haste I find a picture
Tacked onto your wall of you
And me, when I was younger,
A past you never saw, although
There you stood beside me, repulsed
At what you were, what I once was.

-There's a photograph in my room too
Of all my friends from youth posing
With their wives and girlfriends now
In a beige kitchen.  And there I was
Off to the side, still by myself
Standing by an open window,
And covering the window,
A red curtain.

Author's Note

This poem is very personal to me, mostly because I feel my writing it predicted something that happened to me a year later. I still feel as though its not perfect though so please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[OT]

very powerful descriptions and content, you took us on a bit of a trip!! it reminded me of a cross between playing mario and watching a tortured love story haha - climbing the platforms to ascend to the higher levels - but falling back down to the bedroom which you now occupy alone!! It reads a little prose like (not sure if intentional) but I like that! I think rhymes would have made it contrived! nice!!

[Crowley]

This bit of writing is very impressive, it definitely had a dreamlike quality in its lines and the picture it painted very surreal. Interesting authors note, whatever we put out there into the universe comes back to us in spades sometimes. Great stuff.

[Linear]

I think dreams are strange things, in my blogs you will find a dream i had, strange things dreams we can read whatever we wish into them, but there only ever good while were inside them, living them breathing them, and to be able to remember one long enough to write it down in any kind of detail is truely amazing. strange dreams indeed

[Revolutionary]

I like the way it took me from reality to dream state.the man sleeping on the job held such symbolism.I seehow you don't think you are finished.this feels like a work in progress.A very good work in progress

[stellasautelle]

wonderfully written :)

[Magdelena]

Wow. Dreams surreal. This took me on a rollar coaster ride into the realm of part fantasy and part imagination of the deepest thoughts. I loved the images, the way they were portrayed throughout your story. Made me feel like I was lying there. Looking over your shoulder all the time, and the ending, woa! it took my breath away. I found it perfect, it is perfect!

Mags xx

[Meghan Rose]

this is interesting in the way it equates the challenges of a video game with those of a relationship. clever!

[Stammers]

This is almost like two poems in one, the metaphor of the game - growing up, no little candies at every level anymore, is very powerful, and very clever, but the thread of the love story, and your amazing finish (!!) is almost like a partner poem, which I liked more, it was like an anchor being cast into the chest, amazingly expressed. Its almost like you need to let the two breathe, they're undoubtedly linked, if you were putting a collection together you would place them side by side, and maybe have titles that linked them... but still need to be considered as small, but individual chunks, to fully reach their potential. Just my thoughts. Both are great.

And covering the window,
A red curtain. - Perfect

[Ashley]

100/100

[Nothing Personal]

It's stuff what are dreams are made up of ( Literally and figuratively). I don't know whom to compliment here, you or your subconscious? One of you is very, very smart. The detail with which you narrate makes it so provocative and so delightful. There's so much in this..Separation, Jealousy, Hope, bitterness, Guilt, Fear, Anxiety and the list goes on..The stair part was really enthralling..Whoever the credit goes, its an exploration of the subconscious. I give you full points for your depiction. It's a great work, quite undoubtedly..