The Other Side of This

Really short poem, but a lot of emotion.

The feeling that
You are mine to win
Is supplemented by
The feeling I'll have
When I lose you.

Reviews

[J. Elsie]

So everyone loves it and I do too, but I'll make suggestion (and probably get lynched by your mob of fans, here. smile) I think "The" at the beginning makes the feeling feel less possessive. I think you're better served by the word "This" which implies the feeling belongs to you and you're experiencing it now.

Otherwise, I agree with everyone. Its tight. Its sharp. Its true. Good write.

[nancy.sedky]

i like that you say much in few words,that's a poetic talent:)...do more of this:)

[Ms. Gruye]

very clever.

[aBillings]

I love this. The feeling of joy mixed with the feeling of utter apprehension.

[Princess3Morag]

Awww, it really does have a lot of emotion! Well done :)

[Tina Kline]

This is really clever. Seeing this situation at opposite ends enhances the emotional impact of this poem! Well done!

[Angel's Lady]

Awesome. I love this!

[SugarlessGiRL]

Short but powerful~ with but only a few words you expressed what could have been said in a million sentences but it only took you a few, and you really couldn't have expressed this kind of emotion any better~ very nice~ =)

[melissa]

Beautiful short to :) i like short poems

[Narnie]

I really like this. Have you tried playing with the visual of it? Your pivot on the third line feels like it should be shortened/longer, I'm not sure which. I can see the 4,5,6,5,4 and it is fanastic but you mix up the hard and soft consonents with the 'pp' in supplemented which seems to shorten it slightly with a staccato sound. Also you could create a balance or a wedge visually by shortening or extending that line. I think I am guilt of 'pickiness' for which I apologise and I hope that's not too closely critiquing but I love the short form in this.