How Quickly They All Leave

The salty breath of the ocean on this summer's eve
The hand she used to sculpt this perfect dream;
Basically the dreadfulness of everything.
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The subtle kiss our final night received
Before the sunlight came and burnt the seeds
I buried in the public's field of dreams;
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The buildings in the sky seem to retreat
And her glaring eyes full of deceit;
Seems her exit is the only thing concrete,
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

Author's Note

I wrote this in the Summer. Its kinda depressing but I think its lively.

Reviews

[angelina]

I like the fact that you use the word 'funny' in all three stanzas. It seems that the purpose for it was to show your sarcasm and it did. Your poem talks of the passage of time and its impact on you. I like how you went from 'her' to 'I' to 'she.' It shows how impersonal the actions gets, like you just lost the will to care. The last lines in each stanza somehow has a cynical feel to it. It holds amusement yet disdain, a love-hate relationship. I like it.
-Angelina

[Ladysue]

wow, this was a very good write...Beautiful, though sad...well done...

It is lively. I could imagine some prank involving planting sunflower seeds in the local baseball diamond with the girl of the moment. Loved this.

[Marie Harrison]

It's beautiful! Makes me miss Summer. It's brimming outside with snow and I'm missing Summer! Funny! Lovely poem.

[GreenSkeleton16]

EXCELLENT this is my fav one of yours. I love when poems repeat the part that means the most again to show their point!!
i happened to do that a lot my self... cough mirror of my own downfall cough :)
but... :) i love this poem!! u impressed me even more!

[emmajoy]

Memories and misery: a sure-fire recipe for a lilting poem, tis sad but somehow beautiful. The repeated line really reaches home.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

You mixed the beautiful fond memories with the harshness of reality very nicely. It had a good feel about it.