How Quickly They All Leave

The salty breath of the ocean on this summer's eve
The hand she used to sculpt this perfect dream;
Basically the dreadfulness of everything.
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The subtle kiss our final night received
Before the sunlight came and burnt the seeds
I buried in the public's field of dreams;
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The buildings in the sky seem to retreat
And her glaring eyes full of deceit;
Seems her exit is the only thing concrete,
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

Author's Note

I wrote this in the Summer. Its kinda depressing but I think its lively.

Reviews

[angelina]

I like the fact that you use the word 'funny' in all three stanzas. It seems that the purpose for it was to show your sarcasm and it did. Your poem talks of the passage of time and its impact on you. I like how you went from 'her' to 'I' to 'she.' It shows how impersonal the actions gets, like you just lost the will to care. The last lines in each stanza somehow has a cynical feel to it. It holds amusement yet disdain, a love-hate relationship. I like it.
-Angelina

[cfix]

yes you hot the nail on the good old head here. I felt the battle of depression in this. Your last stanza, so well done.

[Magdelena]

Very good.. I see others think so too.. You seem to have a great talent my friend.. This just shows how much images can be seen in lines brought forth. And in this your imagery was right up there.

Fab job!

Mags xx

[Liza]

there's so much beauty in these ashes; even though it is sad to endure this kind of pain ~ the tracks of our heart remember what it was to feel love even though not valued as we hoped

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the languid pain undulates like waves drinking the shore~ there is an almost otherwordly quality of emotions here that pull the inner tides closer to the surface~

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It's more bitter than depressing actually...it seems to scream the inequality of life. I can cocur that life is not fair,lol. Nice word choices and a good rhyme scheme.

[miSS LEaf]

i loved the tone of this... the longing, the melancholy... the lingering memories.. all there.. splendidly penned, :)

~L~

[Stef Outsiders]

It is a mixer of depressing and lively, but maybe more depressing because Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave... : )
It is a well written piece... well done!

[luciddreamer]

It is sad and your right it is lively at the same time, I, also, liked the repetition it brought the poem together....

Peace
Robin

[D S Rollins]

Aw, this is sad. But it's beautifully written, and I love the repetition of 'Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave' like a little song.

[Moonflower]

I really like your personal style here, the repeated lines added drive to the piece, I think this would be a good song..lovely work, dear.