How Quickly They All Leave

The salty breath of the ocean on this summer's eve
The hand she used to sculpt this perfect dream;
Basically the dreadfulness of everything.
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The subtle kiss our final night received
Before the sunlight came and burnt the seeds
I buried in the public's field of dreams;
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

The buildings in the sky seem to retreat
And her glaring eyes full of deceit;
Seems her exit is the only thing concrete,
Nothing seems as funny to me as how quickly they all leave.

Author's Note

I wrote this in the Summer. Its kinda depressing but I think its lively.

Reviews

[angelina]

I like the fact that you use the word 'funny' in all three stanzas. It seems that the purpose for it was to show your sarcasm and it did. Your poem talks of the passage of time and its impact on you. I like how you went from 'her' to 'I' to 'she.' It shows how impersonal the actions gets, like you just lost the will to care. The last lines in each stanza somehow has a cynical feel to it. It holds amusement yet disdain, a love-hate relationship. I like it.
-Angelina

[Clarisse Nanoit]

This is very well written, but it makes me particularly sad to read. You did a great job as usual, however.

[Meghan]

This was such a good read! The imagery was beyond beautiful. I love how you managed to capture the memories fondly yet express a sense of bitterness at the same time. I'm a big fan of repetition in poems and I loved your use of that in this piece. I found this very relatable. Sometimes things get so difficult, and bad things just keep happening that you can't look at the situation without questioning it, and thinking it incredibly odd that this is possible. That's how I took it anyway. Good work!

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Best line:

Seems her exit is the only thing concrete,

This is a very vivid poem about, How quickly they all leave!"

The last thing that anyone wants to hear about is a friend or family member whining about a lost love; however, that is when you need them.

I liked this poem!!

[Saraplenty]

This is certainly lively, and I don't think depressing is the accurate description. More like raw. It's very clever! It could be a really good song : )

[c.m.]

Such a beautiful melancholy tone here.....just makes the melancholy personalities here sigh with contentment and gushing hearts of emotion. Bravo.

[Brianna Brie]

The hand she used to sculpt this perfect dream;

The subtle kiss our final night received
Before the sunlight came and burnt the seeds
I buried in the public's field of dreams;

I really like the creativity in the lines above my review. Hmmm....you have inspired me to write about the sculpture. :)

[ArthurPhillips]

Very depressing, but beautiful and honest.

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

Sorry to hear of love losses in your past or maybe just a topic..Since you are able to write about it without such pain, maybe you have finally met the right one or maybe you have accepted the fact that one sometimes has to date a number of persons to find out exactly what they are wanting in a mate..Enjoyed your work with the comparasons, descriptiveness,and creativity..Sunflower..

[No use.]

depressing pieces are great so no worries mike! its unfortunate that for most, its these tragedies that have made a home within us