HIghway To Depression

I know that I am not that strong.

I know that I am just that weak.

I know that I have more losses in the category than I do wins, but must it always be thrown in my face when I face another defeat.

I am tired of the lying......

So tired of the crying.....

Taking belief in the words of others when what seems to be my perfection is clearly my imperfection.

I am out of money to take the words of others no longer do I want to say that I am buying....

Into.........

The fact that so hard am I trying....

That inside I am dying to just get away from these demons just to stay ahead.

Feeling as if I have no life anymore from an emotional standpoint.

As if I have been killed so many times, but the only thing is that I can't seem to stay dead.

I just want to one day see that everything is good with the world.. Good with real people like me.

Where we can live free.

To be treated the way we are suppose to be.

Though that will never happen...

I look in the mirror and ask myself what do I see?

Who am I?

Why does this happen to the pure?

How is it that these people don't give a damn about me, but I give a damn about them.

I have caught this virus and infection from life, but there is absolutely no way to find the cure.

What I desire does not desire the same.

As I see myself dying alone....

Having tears of question that will be covered on my history every time they hear my name.

I am not asking for much, but am I really a bad impression.

Why am I being punished with this twenty year lesson.

Those who think they know have nerve to say just keep doing you will get your blessing.

While all I get is another day...

Another tear....

Another lost thought that is a fear that is taking my heart in form of compact and compression.

Instead of a smile and being treated real I get another piece of crap that can't go down the drain.

As a result it is another thing that has me stressing.

Talking to razor blades.

Thinking with knives...

Studying suicidal cold cases in question trying to figure out the symptoms of what makes someone want to take his or her... even someone else and their lives.

I see red....

I see it in my dreams....

I see it in my bed..

Call me what you wish...

Cast your lure into my pool of cloudy memories and thoughts when I am the one who is truly the lure.

There is no fish in this lake...

Just a sea that I can no longer see that is full of lost dreams.

That has a wish on top of a wish.

Wondering so much on what does this.... What does that mean?

When a suggestion turned into depression.

When I lost the clues and answers to my questions.

I knew what I was headed to.

A place where I been before.. A place that those voices said that there is no one to save me now.

No one is here except for you....

All I desire is love, but I get it from hate.

All I desire is a true female person that is truth.

Though all I get is an actress which every time it happens they get better my situation worsens.

As these creatures who wear paint in form of human try to be discrete try to speak to me with these features.

I could never get what I want...

Can I get roses put on my grave?

Can I turn this all around, and be what people think I am, and that is a saint... a helper... to say that this is the life that I have paved?

For now I am driving very fast.

Not looking for a place to finish I prefer to keep driving.

Since I was never first.

That is why I am saying this now... That is why I am saying this last.

I am who I am...

Maybe I do need help....

Maybe I am conflicted, but this problem I did not pick it.

No blue eyes in the dark...

No dream girl...

No real person can help me cause if they did they would have.

Like the rest that talk about people like me.... People like us continue to laugh.

I try to control it, but it is so hard. This is my confession..... This is the day....

June 1, 2011

I think I have had enough.....

I am growing weaker and weak.

As I am going 90 mph on this Highway Of Depression

Author's Note

...

Reviews

[November Gold]

I think I am in the passenger seat next to you on that ride! Wow, the way you described it all, the way you just laid it all bare with your words. I am in awe, this is a masterpiece of emotion and yearning.

"Those who think they know have nerve to say just keep doing you will get your blessing.
While all I get is another day...
Another tear....
Another lost thought that is a fear that is taking my heart in form of compact and compression."

Yes, in awe......wow

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

Very deep Josh , hit me to the core . Makes me think of myself in a lot of ways . But don't ever forget the Bedhead will always be here for you (: k ?

[LeaflessTree]

I like this! It's so long that it seems it could be considered even a story! It's still poetry, I like it, the thought that you're writing is so expressed and described adequetly well, it's something I'll look back at and base a lesson towards.