Now and Then

I write when and how I feel like it

Maybe when you can find an answer, I will try to run,
Or perhaps I will simply smile
Juxtaposed to regularity, it seems fit
Or possibly just crypt, no response is required.

Fortitude comes to those who rape, shame is something quietly shaped,
Grandiose conqueror, templed monger, error upon terror: feared
I am a goat who's milk saves lives desperate and eats everything whole and some.
Not a pig, or a sweet sacred sheep or cow... Billy Bad A*s presented me.

Man she punched me like a hurricane.
Heaven filled with planetary solitude; everybody knows me now... Sadly look

Shadows followed me home and I became,

What is m**********r.

Buy me a pack of smokes, Mary will you please?
Next thing, no jokes, carry me home in sleeves.
Holographic nightmares revealed- add it ink shun for reals.
Followed you down this great big hole,
In desperation, that's how it really feels!

Fortitude comes to those who rape, shame is something quietly shaped,
Grandiose conqueror, templed monger, error upon terror
I am a goat who's milk saves lives desperate and eats everything whole and some.
Not a pig, or a sweet sacred sheep or cow... Billy Bad A*s presented me.

I can't wait for you to run up into the corner with me,
Nowhere to turn, where everything burns... We are never free from...
It's always just turns with you and me... stumble bump in the dark.
Lost in spaces dark and cold... Jumpitty jump!

I could hear the "tink, tink" of his belt and there was no sun and there was no moon.
Only what I felt. Holy art though my response to succumb and experience,
I can still see my future in your rear view window pain. I should have known all that was in front of me,

Fortitude comes to those who rape, shame is something quietly shaped,
Grandiose conqueror, templed monger, error upon terror
I am a goat who's milk saves lives desperate and eats everything whole and some.
Not a pig, or a sweet sacred sheep or cow... Billy Bad A*s presented me.

I think it's pretty strange trying to get ahead in life, but talking sucks.
Stop asking me to stay,
Going, walking, running, it's the only way... Indian voodoo
Hit self destruct, put your hands up, give a... strut off who do.


I never wanted you to just be: in all ways we remain free.
C'mon main gets this together, We got global kind of weather.
Come here sweetheart, I want to whisper, make it right to you.

Reviews

[AaronFreitas]

I'll keep it short and simple... I really enjoyed it :)

[Outdated Account]

Drivel. A poem, yes. It addresses a topic, but... it is also senseless in it's meaning. You can do a hundred times better with half as many words and without trying so hard to sound like you know what your talking about

[modtoddinc]

I appreciate this review Worrywrite. I couldn't agree more, and I have been meaning to address this rough draft of ideas and thoughts but procrastinate; I do. Thank you for taking the time to look at it. I will say that your assessment of me trying to sound like I know what I am talking about is not a conscientious effort to do so... I do know what I am talking about in as much as it is I that am talking and sharing my ideas and thoughts in written form.

[Outdated Account]

Perhaps I should clarify my meanings as well. Your word choice leaves a lot to be desired. When writing poetry word choice is the #1 way the writer conveys meaning. The more individualistic the the word, the better. For instance the word "love", as great a word as it is, is not a power word. It can mean anything from "I enjoy" to "I would kill for you" and the less space you spend trying to clear up what kind of love you mean in a poem, the more room there is for other potentially more meaningful lines.

I would also like to add a personal note on the use of profanity. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with the use of profanity (excluding what your mother taught you), it does show a lack of vision and a propensity for more emotional and less "in control" conveyance. They are not power words in the least and unless you want to address the words meaning in the meta itself or show a weakness in the narrator, I would avoid them outright. There are so many other more creative ways of saying the same thing.

[dan]

This reads as if the protagonist is conflicted in his feelings, he can't determine what's good and what's bad. And I have to say I am saving this so I can read it again and try to determine the deeper meaning of the piece. For instance, I'm having trouble with the quatrain that starts, "Fortitude comes to those who rape...."
I have to read it again and try to reconcile those lines with the rest of the write.
I believe a couple months ago or so you told me you were feeling down? I hope that your life light shines a little brighter now. take care...dan

[modtoddinc]

Thanks Dan.. I too have re-read this and had been editing it... then lost everything... this is a work in progress piece for me... I am attempting conflict, and a balance of strong language infused with the poems central meaning. Everything is fine with me personally. Thanks for the thoughts, I always appreciate your reviews. Peace, Todd

[wordman]

i think you covered most everybody`s feelings my friend

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy this poem.
"I think it's pretty strange trying to get ahead in life, but talking sucks.
Stop asking me to stay,
Going, walking, running, it's the only way... Indian voodoo
Hit self destruct, put your hands up, give a... strut off who do."
The above lines were magic and strong and I liked how you led the reader to good ending. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote