Now

Read this

Existential meaning
Prolific screaming
Are we dreaming...
Of a new dawn?

I was the spawn
Spent on yesterday
Massacred away...
Beyond

All that truly matters
The inventive mad hatters
Life for seerers?
Graved

My only hope
Children ascoped
There is no meaning...
Afloat?

Cook what's real
Truth appealed
Can we live what we feel?
Surreal

There cannot be reason
Fourth of a season
Peace granted for,
Quantitative treasure's held

Forever.

Copyright 2015 modtoddinc

Reviews

[dan]

todd, You invested a lot of deep thinking in this write (or was it just an extemporaneous stream of consciousness?). I've read enough of your work to know that there is often deep hidden meaning behind your words, though I must confess that I am too slow on the uptake today to determine what that meaning might be. I will read again later. A well written piece (wasted on my current dim bulb) take care...dan

[Double T]

This is really great writing right here. I like it because the flow is more natural. :)

[AaronFreitas]

This is a really well thought out write. The flow was perfect... very enjoyable read my friend :)

[Outdated Account]

--!CRITICAL FEEDBACK INCOMING!--

I like to address this right off the bat every time I see it (and I see it A LOT, too much really), and it's that you do not need to copyright this. It's superfluous as WritersCafe automatically puts a copyright stamp to everything you post, and it's also really self indulgent. I wouldn't steal this. I don't think poetry is one of those things that gets stolen all that often.

As for the actual poem itself... well, it rhymes. Kind of. Don't get me wrong I love this type of scheme, it's what I try to emulate in my own poetry, this has a good flow to it.

The first flaw I see is that you use the words "existential" and "prolific" right off the bat. There's nothing wrong with the words themselves, but using them in poetry is kind of... wrong? I guess. Most poets try to convey things indirectly and that lets the reader reach the right message on their own, but when you say "This is existential, this is prolific" (which, granted, you did not say directly) it's kind of blunt, and poetry isn't really a blunt instrument.

"Seerers" seems to be a misspelling of seers, as in multiple people who foresee things.

The biggest problem that I see with this poem, past the first stanza, is that it's nonsense. Maybe it's the scarcity of punctuation, maybe it's the lack of substance in the lines, I can't tell for sure. It really just feels like you strung together a bunch of loosely related and formative words so that they rhyme nicely. There could be a message or story hidden in there somewhere, but I can't see it, and I don't think many others will as well.

To sum up:
Form - Good
Rhyme - Good
Substance - Lacking

[wordman]

well,it is thought provoking,and to the pint