Perfidy

 

 

Life in its prime

To taste on the tip of my tongue

Need more salt and lime

while the storm is still young.

 

It’s quite shady

In my subatomic realm.

In the cherry moon’s gravy

I feel calm under its tide’s whelm

 

Infinitely judged by unqualified juries

And my Virtue - a continual stammerer;

And while Orestes is pursued by the Furies

dear Sadness - smile for the camera.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[apennylate]

Beautiful music, check, stunning wordplay, check...

*Infinitely judged by unqualified juries
And my Virtue - a continual stammerer*

Could not have written a better line if yeh paid meh... (I am def' stealing its core idea, lol)

Overall... Mind-blown...

Truly inspired piece, Ana... Will have me questioning verbal loopholes for days to come...

[Ana B.]

haha, thank you for the kind words Silente :) Yeah, use whichever line you want, or idea hehe, and yes, Muse is one of my favorite bands...wrote a lot of stuff while listening to them :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Ana. I hope you are doing well dear friend. I agree with the below lines.
"To taste on the tip of my tongue
Need more salt and lime
while the storm is still young."
When we are not locked-in. Need sea, laughter and some vodka and juice. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Ana B.]

Hello John. I'm doing well, thanks, although pretty hectic...Thank you very much, and yes, sometimes we need to let out that wild side that's hidden most days...

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome and have fun and be safe dear Ana.

[Rassoul]

Amazing piece of writing, Ana!

I loved it.

[Ana B.]

Thank you Rassoul :)

[jazzymars]

very well composed! I like it

[Ana B.]

Thank you :)

[KWP]

It has a great sentiment Ana :D you like to dive deep and that's why I like to read you X

For me though I would ask you to consider deleting the first line and perhaps somehow adding it in to the second so it's not so 'stated'. I would also consider getting rid of every word/s at the start of each line starting with I (yes even infinitely) - get rid of And my, get rid of and while. I believe if you do this you will take the ownership away from viewing the poem through your eyes and instead ask the reader to come to their own conclusion. Otherwise it seems like a statement ...

Love the thought and idea behind this by the way X LOVE X

[Ana B.]

Thank you my dear :)

[Shy Joe]

"In the cherry moon's gravy"

Now that's a hell of a line. Sure puts a whole new spin visually on the moon than I have ever imagined before!

My only critic of thought is the first two stanza's had a reference to food or taste and the last one didn't. I think adding one more food/taste reference to the last stanza would make it a more interesting read. Although, I do love Greek mythology.

A joy as always to read your poems. Thanks for sharing.

[Ana B.]

Thank you for stopping by Joe. I did not even realize the food analogy until you brought it up...