Silence Eludes Me

How I wish I could have silence
I wonder what it must be like
to have peace and quiet 
but no
inside me is a constant buzz
a hum if you will
but this hum isn't the hum 
of a happy-go-lucky boy or girl in love
this is an anxious type of hum 
that happens when someone tells a group terrible news
and it is ever so persistent
this hum
and as I fall further out of my comfort zone
the humming turns to whispers
agitated whispers of a thousand people 
and I can't make out what they are saying
and they fill me up turning my insides painful
that's when the bugs start
I can feel those few bugs crawling,
inching along my back, my legs , my shoulders
then I fall deeper into this pit 
further from that small circle
I call safe
and those voices inside me scream!
and they are all shouting at me
and I still can't make out the words
my head pounds from them all
I cover my ears hoping to make them stop
for I can take no more of the terrible screaming 
and shrieking
and crying
and the insects are furiously running all along my skin
in places I never want touched
This is the time I realize the insects
are my step fathers fingertips
the memories of him touching me
and the repulsive memory sends me tumbling
I can't take it anymore!

You find me bawling
curled up small
you hold me
try to bring me back
to that small circle 
I call a 
"comfort zone" 
and all I can say is
"I just want quiet.."