Blank Books

A balding man in his fifties sat across the table from me. He was dressed in a suit but it looked rumpled and did not fit in the shoulders. The button down shirt he wore was dingy and the once white buttons had started to turn yellow. The room had sea-foam paint, white linoleum and bright florescent lighting. It smelled stale and made my stomach turn. “Tell me exactly what happened.” he said in a flat voice. I sat and looked straight ahead. Slowly I lowered my head to the table.
“Ma’am if you want my help you’ll have to tell me. I will not ask again. I’ll just get up and leave. I have too many clients to see and they all claim the police are lying or someone else is at fault.”
I picked my head up from the cold aluminum table and shifted in my seat. I had already told my story to the police, my family, and the nurse who interviewed me earlier that night. I breathed deeply, inhaling the stench that surrounded me, and began my tale. ****
“My head had just hit the pillow when I heard noises coming from my living room, but t’was impossible, I lived alone. I could hear two male voices; the clamor increasing. I started to decipher words ‘diagnosis’ ‘recovery’ ‘flesh’. The disagreement was about whether eating people was rational. Terrified, I thought that perhaps it was a home invasion. I jumped out of bed to tell my father. For a second I forgot that I had moved out the month before.
I was all alone in the middle of a robbery! They could be armed? What if they planned on killing me? Would they eat me?
I decided that I was not going to go down without a fight! I grabbed the baseball bat sitting in the corner; and began to descend down the steps, careful to avoid the ones that creaked. The burglars might have been big, so I needed the element of surprise.
The bickering amplified and I could make out more of the conversation.
‘All I’m saying is that eating fellow human beings to avoid dealing with them is not a socially acceptable solution.’ argued one man.
‘I don’t care if isn’t “rational”! I could eat you, if only the binding weren’t so strong!’
Binding? What could he mean by binding?!
I stood at the bottom of the stairs and slowly peered around the corner, but no one was in sight. Maybe the intruders had moved on to the kitchen. I cautiously turned the corner; bat in hand, but still no one. The chattering continued in the living room. It sounded as if one of the men was tearing pages. I turned toward the living room. My jaw dropped when I saw pages flying out of my bookshelf! The pages were coming out of Silence of the Lambs!
I sprinted up to my room. What had I just witnessed? My books were arguing! I had to tell someone to make sure I wasn’t insane.
I called my best friend Sarah. ‘Come over right now!’
‘Why?’ she responded.
‘Because I need backup.’ I answered.
‘On my way!’
I sat in my room weeping until I heard the doorbell ring. I flew down the stairs and opened the door. I was greeted by the sight of Sarah bent over breathing hard. I was glad I had such a reliable friend.
I handed her the knife I copped from the kitchen and showed her the bookcase, eyes wide with fear of the unknown. She looked at me as if I had just eaten a bucket of worms.
‘Don’t you hear them talking and see the pages flying out of the book?!’ I asked in disbelief.
‘No…are you sure you’re okay?’
I must have been the only one who could see them. I grabbed the other book that was ‘talking’ and saw that the title was Self Matters by Dr. Phil. My mom had sent it to me for my birthday last week as a joke. I put the book back on the shelf and picked up Silence of the Lambs. I cracked open the book and saw Hannibal dinning on Dr. Phil. As Hannibal took his last bite of the TV psychologist, Self Matters went blank. I threw the book and Sarah caught it.
Sarah opened Silence of the Lambs. As she cracked the spine I choked up on the bat. My knuckles turned white and my face felt hot, afraid of what might pop out of the book.
‘It’s just a book.’ said Sarah in a lackadaisical voice. I saw more than just a regular book. I saw Hannibal Lecter himself. My eyes widened as Lecter came to life. My legs started working as fast as possible. I was sprinting away and Sarah was following. I tried lengthening my stride in hopes to move faster. I pumped my arms. I wanted, no, needed any advantage I could get.
‘Who was that?’
‘Hannibal . . . Lecter. Hannibal the Cannibal. The doctor that eats people!’ I said as I slammed my bedroom door. I turned the lock and looked for anything to barricade us in and him out. Quickly we pushed the dresser up against the door.
‘How do you suggest we escape?’ My voice trembled with terror. Sarah looked around.
‘Let’s try the window.’ she suggested. I flung the window open. It immediately slammed shut. I tried again, but this time I could not crack the window.
‘It’s like the house does not want us to leave,’ I whispered to Sarah.
Knock, knock, knock. ‘Why are you girls hiding? I’d like to speak with you.’ an eerie male voice uttered from outside. Sarah and I made eye contact, both stunned in awe. What was happening?
‘I can help you with your problems; I’m a psychiatrist.’ he shouted
‘We don’t have problems; it’s you that has problems. . . Dr. Phil said so.’ I retorted.
‘Dr. Phil is long gone.’
‘He has to leave eventually.’ I whispered.
For several, long hours we sat huddled up in the corner, waiting for him to leave. We needed to be sure he was gone.
Sarah and I carefully moved the furniture and creaked open the door. We peered out and saw nothing. The coast was clear.
We cautiously crept down the stairs, moving faster as we neared the bottom. We made a break for the door. I attempted to turn the handle. It would not budge. It was as if the door was locked from the outside.
I tried to think of another way out. I heard Sarah gasp. I turned around, but she was gone. My peripherals picked up someone. I wasn’t going to leave her, so I sprinted toward the closing basement door.
Just as I reached it the chambers clicked into place, locking them on the other side. There was no way for me to reach them other than through that door, so I pounded and yelled to get his attention. I tried to bust the door in using my shoulder and all the force I could gather, but was unsuccessful. This is it, I thought. First he would kill her, and I was next. I began to sob. Remorse swept over my body. I was the one who asked for her help.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something in the living room.
‘Sarah! I thought he captured you!’ I remarked.
‘I scrambled behind the curtains right before he grabbed me.’
Just then the books on my shelves began to shake. They started to come to life before my very eyes, characters from The Three Musketeers, Greek Mythology, Frankenstein, and many more…over a dozen warriors and knights stood in my living room. Sarah and I were stuck, paralyzed with fear. Frankenstein walked toward the basement door and knocked it down with one forceful blow. All of the characters piled into the basement, as if by remote control. The air smelt different, like a science lab. I began to feel light-headed and heard the thud of Sarah as she hit the ground.
I awoke drowsy and weak. I saw Sarah bound next to me and medical instruments all around. I couldn’t move my hands or feet because they were tightly tied to a chair.
Hannibal walked into the room and I shut my eyes, pretending I was still unconscious. I heard him untie Sarah and carry her away. I hoped she would wake up and put up a fight.
Thankfully I had studied Harry Houdini, and his methods, over the summer. I was able to escape within minutes. I ran to the nearest door and saw the heroes that had come out of my books sometime earlier. ‘Where is that foul excuse of a psychiatrist?’ asked Athena. I gladly pointed the army in the right direction and fled to the kitchen.
I grabbed the largest knife I could find. I ran back to the basement. I entered the room where Hannibal and the dozen heroes were in a fierce struggle. The two forces were battling but the Musketeers were already deceased. How had one man defeated three French guards? The feud continued as Athena struck Hannibal across the arm with her sword.
My arm stung as I was watching and I thought ‘I must have clipped myself on the nail sticking out of the door.’ The wound was too deep for a mere nail to cause, but I put the matter aside.
Hannibal counterattacked and stabbed Athena through the heart. Frankenstein and the other characters continued to fight, but the army was nothing without their leader.
Hannibal had vanquished them in seconds and I was the only one left. I stealthily positioned myself behind him and stabbed him right through the heart.
I looked everywhere for Sarah but couldn’t find her.
The doorbell rang. I crept towards the door, unsure who it could be at this hour. It was the police.
One of the officers said, ‘Hi, I’m Captain Stotelmier. Ma’am, we got a noise complaint from one of the local residences.’
‘There was a serial killer in my house, officer!’ I blurted.
‘Where is he now, ma’am?’ the puzzled officer asked.
‘He’s dead now. But the body is in the basement.’
‘Will you show us where exactly?’
I turned to take the policemen to the basement, while telling them the story that was my chaotic night. I left out the part about the books coming to life. When we walked past the bookshelf, I glanced at the books strewn across the floor. Every book was blank except for Silence of the Lambs. As we entered the basement all of the bodies and blood were gone. I stood with my feet stuck like glue.
‘Where were the bodies?’
‘They were right here! I swear!’ I was baffled.
I searched everywhere but there was no evidence to be found.
‘Are you sure you are okay?’
‘We’re going to need to take you in for further questioning.’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Your story doesn’t quite add up.’
I walked to the cop car with one of the officers while the other one remained in the house to look for any evidence. I was sitting in the car for over five minutes when the other officer came running out of my house. ‘I found a body!’ he shouted.
‘Thank gosh.’ I thought. ‘Now they would have to believe me.’
‘It was a young woman who had been stabbed with a kitchen knife.’
NO! My prints were on the kitchen knife!
My arm throbbed with extreme pain. As I looked down at my arm I realized the gash I saw earlier was no illusion. As the police car started to move I felt a sharp pain in my back.
When we arrived at the police station I was placed in an interrogation room. I talked to what must have been seven or eight people, telling all of them the same story. This time I included the part about the books coming to life.
Finally, they put me in a car, but instead of driving me home, they drove me to a mental hospital. I wasn’t crazy! I was telling the truth! I was given a room and told my schedule…for the next TWENTY YEARS!”
The room was silent as he digested what I had just told him.
“When can I go home?” I finally asked.
“There is nothing there.”
“Where is all of my stuff?!”
“Your parents chose to donate everything to charity, except for your books. The ones that weren’t destroyed were given to the library.”

Reviews

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

I'm looking at your story as if it were a nightmare. Perhaps that's not the intent, but it has a "Twilight Zone" feel (the old, old TV show that you can probably still find on Netflix. The ending line would fit into a Twilight Zone story. This is not a critique but rather my initial impression after a quick reading. Anyone who enjoys writing should keep writing!

[Cass Ryan]

I was going for the"Twilight Zone" feel and was implying that the incident would reoccur. Thanks for the awesome review!

[Meeks]

This is... uh... different. Let's start at the beginning, with your writing style.

First paragraph - WAY to many details. You might be trying to be a classical writer, but if so, it's not working out well. Because it's just this paragraph. Work on your first sentence. You want it to capture the entirety of the story, or at least the story's feelings and emotions.

" the nurse who interviewed me earlier that night." - you don't need the 'who interviewed me earlier that night'. It's just a confusing detail that isn't necessary.

" began my tale. **** " - What were you trying to achieve there? It's fine without those symbols.

"The disagreement was about whether eating people was rational. Terrified" - Two things. Well actually one. SHOW, DON'T TELL. Especially emotions. Don't tell me the disagreement was about cannibalism, have her hear the word cannibalism and show her eyes opening wide. And never tell emotions, show the actions that correspond to them so the reader can figure it out himself.

"I decided that I was not going to go down without a fight!" - Show, don't tell. Anything that goes on in the character's head, show the corresponding actions. In this case, just get rid of the sentence.

" corner; and began" - Don't use semicolons. Well, not this much. It's like the third one I've seen by now; you only need it to connect two totally different ideas, like these. Here a normal comma would work, or, better yet, nothing at all. Just delete it.

Also, this far in I'm beginning to notice that you're switching the tense of your verbs, going from present to past. Run through it one more time just to check on this, will you?

" socially acceptable solution.’ argued" - One doesn't put a period before closing quotations. It's always a comma.
Ex. 'Let's go there,' Jane said.

"witnessed? My books were arguing" - But how does the character know that? From what she said, all she saw was pages flying out of the bookshelf.

"I called my best friend Sarah. ‘Come over " - Oooh, we got a shortcutter over here! Seriously, don't use shortcuts like 'I called this person', especially when you can add so many details to transmit the feeling. Show her fingers slipping on the keys as she desperately dials the number, don't tell me she called somebody.

‘Why?’ she responded. " - This might be a minor thing, but still. You don't need the 'she responded', it's implied. You did it the next sentence, when she says, 'On my way!', but I don't think you actually know what you're doing with these.
So, how this works is that you can imply the character saying something and not have to write it after, but it sounds better when the speech is given quickly, off-handedly, as if the character was thinking about something else. You had it the opposite way around. The first sentence she spoke would be casual, as anybody would ask 'why?'. And the second requires more thought for her, so you would add the identifier behind her spoken sentence.

"just eaten a bucket of worms" - Great simile, but it's distracting from the text. Worms? Where did you get that from? (Yes, I know it is a saying) Try something less obtrusive.

In the scenes after, where Hannibal comes to life and the window slams shut - the character reactions are dulled. Or maybe you just told us they were terrified, and didn't show it. Show, don't tell. Anyway, the characters are whispering, making relatively smart decisions, instead of pulling their hair out or screaming uncontrollably. Or just freezing in place, I could imagine that happening. They don't seem terrified, judging by their actions.

"For several, long hours we sat" - the comma is in the wrong place. And another thing, this is the first of many sentences that begin with 'we'. Yes, this sentence really starts with 'we' as well. Throw an 'I' in there, or maybe describe something in the sentences that follow.

"I wasn’t going to leave her, so I sprinted toward the closing basement door." - Too many things happening at once. My thoughts: 'Wait you aren't going to leave her? Wait, the basement door is closing? Did I miss something?'
Here it is, a very small introduction to sentence length timing. IF you want to achieve a fast paced scene, use more sentences and make them short. Why? Every reader subconsciously takes a breath at the periods, so if you have many periods close together, viola! The reader is panting, presumably out of terror or physical exertion! This gets them in the mood you want.
So cut this sentence up, and tell me what is happening without jumping on details you haven't given.

" as I reached it the chambers clicked into place" - Vague. Behind her, or in front? Did she make it and was now locked in, or did she not make it and was locked out?

"started to come to life before my very eyes, characters" - Again. You told me, and didn't show me. To me, they don't seem that terrified at all, which gives them a very unrealistic reaction.

"paralyzed with fear" - Show, don't tell. Sheesh.

" Harry Houdini, and his methods, over the summer." - too many commas. Also, while the reference to Houdini is interesting, it doesn't fit simply because everyone knows that Houdini freed himself by paying attention and acting while he was being tied, not necessarily after. He'd breath in to make the ropes looser while he was being tied, while this character was unconscious during her bondage. Besides, who studies Houdini?

When Athena speaks - you have to remember this really simple rule. If there is a new person who hasn't been speaking at the beginning of the paragraph, any words he might say go in the next paragraph. In other words, don't put someone new at the end of your paragraph. It gets confusing otherwise.

During the battle - there is a lot of heart stabbing going around. First Hannibal stabs Athena, then the main character stabs Hannibal. Unrealistic, decide which heart stab is better and change the other one.

"It was the police" - Again. No reaction at all from the character. Just like during the battle, by the way. Nothing. Are these guys robots or something?

" NO! My prints were on that" - Haha? So, she just fought a battle, finally stabbed her friend through the heart, and then, when she finds out, is worried about the prints that might be used as proof against her, not her friend. Selfish, which would be realistic if not for the fact that these are friends, and good friends at that.
Just a side comment, google the 'stages of grief'. Not for this, but it'll help in the future.

When she finishes telling her story - I missed that. I didn't know that she was finished, I thought she was still talking to that guy. It transitioned way too smoothly, as if you wanted to cover it. Try adding some description of the guy snoring at the end, or have her say 'that's it'.

Anyway, this is a great rough draft. I would trash it and begin writing again, as it usually comes out much better, but that's just my style.


Anyway, here is some critique on your plot.

Wha? I just don't get the story. If you wanted there to be a moral or a hidden meaning, I couldn't find it. I caught that one thing about a cut in her arm, but I don't get how that contributes to the story. Is it just a wound?

Anyway, you do know you're writing about a topic that has not one bit of truth to be learned from it?

What happens to the characters? They just appear out of the books, and pile on in downstairs. Then she goes out, wakes up tied down to something, escapes, and finds them BACK upstairs. Did they just leave? Just ignore Hannibal the first time around? Where they on his side?

Personally, I hate this type of plot. But you obviously enjoy it, so don't take my comments to hard.

Anyway, have you seen the comments below this? Jeez, that guy just wanted some free points! Very un-constructive.

CONGRATS. You just got a critique that sells for 15 dollars for FREE! Be happy.

[Kayle Ann]

Oh my oh my. This is chilling. I like it. I especially love the cliffhanger-esque ending there.