The List

Hell is now full and no one knows. What is a Demon to do?

The List

 

Yama stood looking at the list. He scratched his head and blinked. With one curled talon he flipped the page and grunted. He put the page back and rubbed his horns.

‘Hmmm,’ he said.

He picked the book up with great difficulty and closed it. He looked around Hell and admired the fire and brimstone. The coal was looking mighty fine this time of year. The flames licked the black sky with purpose, as if it was showing off. A naked human ran past, his hair on fire and screaming. Yama laughed. Good times, good times. Then his mind bought him back to the subject at hand. He opened the book again, and started from the start. Every page was full. Names upon names upon names. All of them ticked and cited and accounted for. He flipped through each page, trying to take careful note of empty slots, but there didn’t appear to be one. He went to the last page again and counted.

One.

Only one space left. How time had flown. He snapped his fingers and instantly a fireball was shot from the sky and landed by Hell’s gates. The fire evaporated and a smaller demon stood where the flame had been.

‘Master Of Mayhem. Harbinger of Evil. Lord of Lords. Keeper of the Gates. I am honoured to be of service.’ The demon said, looking dead ahead, one hand saluting to his temple. His toes were still on fire.

‘Yes, I need you to check something for me. Can you do that?’

‘Lord, yes Lord.’ With a puff of smoke the demon vanished.

‘Wait!’ Yama hollered, ‘I haven’t told you what it is yet...’

Another fireball spat from the black sky and landed in exactly the same spot.

‘Lord, sorry Lord. I was keen you see,’ the demon leant forward and whispered, ‘I want to make an impression.’

‘Very well. I love the enthusiasm,’ Yama moaned, tossing his black and red cape back over his shoulder, ‘Can you check the Arrivals Books? I need another one.’

The servant demon stood smiling, his teeth were razor sharp and crooked. He was still saluting.

‘You can go now.’ Yama advised him.

The demon burst into flames and with the smell of sulphur, he was gone again. Yama let out a long sigh and glanced at his watch. His shift didn’t end for another 200 years. He lent on his podium and tried not to look at the book. Suddenly there was screaming. Yama looked around. It was coming from the Volcano pools in the west. The demon looked around for anyone watching him. He couldn’t see a soul anyone, so he decided to leave his post and investigate.  

He stepped off his post and walked quickly across the hot ground. Freshly mowed Lava always felt good on his feet, even though the smell often got up his snout and made him sneeze, he loved it none-the-less. He reached the outlook station and peered down into the volcano. There were pretty demons in bikinis, swimming and drinking vodka and splashing about. Yama hung his head. If only I could knock off early and go down for a swim, it looks so wonderful, he thought. And it’s been a millennium since I’m been in the pools (literally).

From behind him came a sniffling, wheezing, whimper. Yama ignored it at first, then it came again. This time it was more of a sob with light bellowing. Yama turned to his post. Standing in front of the gates, naked and trembling, was a man.

‘Oh no!’ Yama spat and bolted back to his podium.

The naked man was hugging himself and marching on the spot, his feet were red raw.

‘I am so sorry,’ Yama said, standing upright, clearing his throat and shifting through the book once again.

‘W-w-w-where am I?’ the man stuttered.

‘Oh, I am sorry...Welcome...to...Hell!’ Yama waved his arms about. Huge bursts of fire shot up from just behind the gates. Bats were released from their cages and heavy metal music played. After a minute the music died down and the bats returned to their card game.

‘Hell?’ The man said.

‘Yes,’ Yama replied, digging around in his jacket for a pen. ‘Where is this blasted thing... right! Here it is...’ he took out a long feather and dipped it in blood red ink, ‘Ok, here we go...name please?’

‘Hell?’ The man replied.

Yama looked around, volcano, check. Fire, check. Bats, check. Demon, check.

‘Yes?’ Yama retorted, sniffing from the lava cuttings floating around the ash, ‘or is your name Hell? That would be funny.’

‘What? No! It’s John.’

‘Owww...John? Really? You’re given a saints name and you end up here? How ironic. Don’t you think?’ Yama’s eyes glowed yellow and died away, they always did when he said inappropriate things.

‘Am I really in Hell?’ John said, his body shaking wildly. Sweat was beading down his chest and his hair was matted and sticking to his face.

‘Well, this isn’t a Motley Crue video...so yes...you are. Age please?’

‘B-b-b-but why a-a-a-am I ...in Hell?’

Yama leant on the podium. Weaved into the metal frame were eyes, they all blinked and looked up at John.

‘Really John? Do I need to tell you?’

John looked around nervously. From across the Rosethorn Noll another naked man came running. This one had a demon sitting on his head and he was riding him like a horse. The man screamed as he was being whipped. His back was lacerated and bleeding. John stumbled backwards and almost fell over. The demon human-rider pulled his human up near Yama.

‘Yama!’ he screamed.

‘Hey Bill.’

‘Coming to the Pools today? There’s going to be tacos!’

Yama rolled his eyes, ‘Can’t...being punished.’

Bill bit into his fist, ‘Sorry, forgot!’

‘No problem. I’ll see you later, yeah?’

Bill rode off, screaming hysterically and disappeared down into the volcano. Yama turned back to John.

‘So sorry...now...where were we?’

‘I don’t belong here...I belong in...heaven!’

One of Yama’s eyebrows lifted slightly.

‘Heav �"‘ his eyes glowed slightly, ‘No John. You don’t belong...there. You belong here, in Hell.’

‘Why? Tell me why!’

Yama waited for the information to be downloaded into his brain. His eyes flickered and his left hand twitched. After several seconds he had a metal taste in his mouth and he spat over his shoulder.

‘Wow John...that’s some horrible stuff. No wonder you’re here!’

‘What? Tell me!’ John said, his eyes wide and panicky. He leapt forward, grabbing Yama around his coat collar. Within a blink of an eye, the skin on John’s fingers were burnt off and he was left with bony stubs.

‘Arrgh!’ he screamed, even though it didn’t hurt. It Hell, there isn’t any pain unless a demon says so.

John fell backwards onto the glowing red ground and sprung back up to his feet immediately. His buttocks had twin scorch marks. He started to cry again.

‘I didn’t do anything bad...I really didn’t...you have to believe me...’

Yama suddenly realised he was holding his breath and let out another sigh. He licked the tip of his pen and wrote in the very last slot. He wrote the humans name, put a question mark where age was titled and wrote the reasons for his acceptance to Hell.

Out of the sky shot a large, flaming comet. John saw it first and shuddered. He wet himself a little. Yama glanced up, nonchalantly and did a double take. The comet landed and there stood the demon from earlier, he was huffing and puffing. He held his chest and panted, his face was flustered and he looked like he was about to faint. He raised his arm and placed it on John’s leg to stop him from falling over.

‘Lord of Lords...Harbinger of...Evil...(gasp)...sorry sir....that is the last book.’

Yama stared at him. John was too scared to move.

‘The...last book?’

‘Yes sir, Master of Mayhem... I searched high and low and could not find another book. I even went to General Master Loki sir...he said if the cupboard is empty than that is all we have.’

Yama looked down at his pen, it had dripped ink on the book. Big bloody blots of red stared up at him.

‘Then I’m free?’ John said, making the demon jump from fright.

‘Um, no,’ Yama spoke softly, ‘You’re the last one,’ he looked up at him, ‘There’s no more room in Hell... now. After you.’

The demon gasped, looked at John again, poked him and turned into a ball of fire and disappeared. Yama blinked slowly. Why? He thought, Why on my shift?

‘So...What does this mean?’ John pleaded, his hands outright, desperation in his eyes.

‘It means the dead will have to walk the Earth,’ Yama said. He was in a state of shock and felt like lying down.

‘But I can’t go back up, can I?’ John said.

The gates of Hell opened and Yama pointed at them. John shrugged and began walking. As he stepped through the gates there was a scream and the soft pounding of feet running. A demon was chasing John with a horse saddle. Yama closed the book, put his pen away and looked around. No one seemed to notice what was about to happen. He slid his cape off, hung it on the podium and headed towards the Volcano pools. Today is going to turn out alright after all, he thought, and did a bomb dive into the lava pools.

 

The End