DX - 1

Chapter One to District X

I was completely still and completely quiet in the dark room, waiting for the distant yet more than perceptible ring to go off. Upon hearing the sound I instantly surged forward to officially start the course. Run. Slide. Climb. Jump. Run. Crawl. Pause then go. Run. Climb. Dive. In an instance I felt the icy water make contact with my skin and like every other time, cursed. I pushed off the bottom of the pool and heaved up, gasping for the air that was waiting for me there. Wasting no time I swam to the side of the large rectangular pool and pulled myself out and lied there, taking in as much air as possible.

“11.23,” the instructor told me with a wide smile yet I didn’t mirror his expression. I growled and shook my head and caught the towel that he had thrown my way.

“Again,” I finally stated standing up and throwing the towel to the side.

“Whoa no Devyn! This would be your fourth time you ran the course; you already have the top time in District X.”

“This isn’t about winning, it’s about bettering myself.”

“Exactly which means you need rest, you can try again tomorrow.”

“But-.”

“Goodnight Dev,” he asserted walking away. I rolled my eyes and picked up the towel, further drying myself off as I walked out of the facility. I looked at my surroundings, everything was calm, yet I felt something was wrong. I stopped in my tracks and listened for anything, in the far distance, I heard the sound of some type of machines but that was all, nothing to suspicious. I shook my head and kept walking toward the main building when I heard a chorus of alarms go off. I had only heard the alarms a few times and that was only during practice drills. My heart beat kicked up a notch as my feet began to carry me faster across the premises, we we’re always foretold if there was a drill and I had received no warning.

The closer I got to the main building the louder the alarms rung out. My heart began to carry an unnatural beat as I swung open the door and saw chaos everywhere. Most of the faces I have seen yet not taken time to get to know them or cared to. I pushed past all of the faces and ran towards the grand stairway, fighting my way through as I continued to go up them, heading towards my dorm room.

I was almost exhausted when I had finally reached the room yet my adrenaline was still high as I felt my roommate grab me.

“What’s going on?” I asked her as I went straight to the windows and saw a line of buses with people running to them.

“They’re evacuating the whole base, I don’t know exactly why!” I heard nothing but panic in her voice as she pulled for me to go back out the room. I yanked my arm away and ran towards my dresser, changing clothes quickly before throwing on some military boots that I had.

“What in the hell are you doing!” she screamed glancing from me to the people still rushing through the hallways. I grabbed her boots as well and threw them at her ignoring the bewildered look that she gave me. She growled as she quickly put them on and I yanked her out of the room into the mix with the other panicking patrons.

We had finally gotten back to the grand stairway when my gut clenched and a loud explosion rocked the entire building. The panic level went through the roof at that moment as the screams got louder and shouts about the buses being targeted became audible. My eyes darted around and my foot began to tap rapidly as I forced my brain to figure out an effectual plan. I grabbed hold of Rea’s hand and pulled her back to our room, ignoring her constant screeching and questioning of my actions. Once we got back to the room I released her and began to search for something.

“Get your bag,” I told her as I finally found mine as well and began to dump all the contents on the bed, finding nothing useful. “Get food, water, a first aid kit, your pocket knife, and anything else that will prove useful.”

“Exactly what are you planning?” Rea asked while she did everything I told her to.

“We’re going camping,” I smirked as I zipped my bag up and began to search around the room for a nettlesome gift given to Rea. I finally found it and I snatched the soccer horn from its corner and ran to the hallway where the commotion had only escalated. I took a deep breath and blew into the horn, annoying even myself as the sound came out. Yet it did its job as the hall got quiet and I stood on top of a chair so all could see me.

“Go to your rooms and grab a bag! Fill it with clothing, rations, pocket knives, a first aid kit, and if it’ll fit pack a blanket. When you’re done meet me on the bottom floor, go!” I ordered and watched as everyone went straight to work.

“Here,” Rea called out and I immediately turned and caught the bag she threw my way, “now do you want to fill me in?”

“Remember that tunnel we found in the library that leads to the woods?”

“Yea?”

“I want you to lead them through it and go to our favorite camping area.” She nodded and ran to the grand stairway to receive those that were ready. I pushed my way past those coming out of their rooms and ran to the other side of the hall and ran to the lower levels of the building where dorms were also located. When I got there I repeated my orders though there were much more fewer people here. I went to the last floor and saw that the entire floor was empty. I hit the wall as my mind came up with the only reason why, they had gotten to the buses, the same buses that had been blown up.

I sprinted down the corridor, finding myself in the main lobby.

“Follow me,” I told as I ran towards the library. I came to the secret tunnel and felt someone run into me hard.

“I’m sorry,” I turned to see a boy standing there blushing embarrassingly.

“Your good. Listen when you reach the other side there should be groups going towards the woods follow them.”

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me just go,” I told and he saluted me and I smirked. I moved to the side to allow those behind me to go in first. As the last went in I felt the building rock and it was accompanied by a loud explosion. I jerked my head up and saw the ceiling crumbling, they had hit the building. I ran through the tunnel, telling those in front to go quick as I could not see them. Shortly after I began to catch up with them yet I still stayed behind them, encouraging them to go faster. When we had finally come out of the tunnel I closed the door and with some rocks and heavy branches jammed the door.

I took multiple deep breaths in as I looked up and felt my heart drop at the sight. The majority of the grounds were up in flames and the parts that weren’t were soon to be as the fire spread. I felt all sorts of emotions run through me but I couldn’t dwell on them, it was the wrong time. I turned and caught up with the rest of the group noticing the boy from earlier traveling at the back of the group.

“Walking pretty slow soldier boy?” I questioned as the boy realized his pace and changed it to match mine.

“Just taken back by everything,” he mumbled. I looked over at him taking in his whole demeanor as well as his appearance. He was a bit taller than me and much more muscular and looked to be Hispanic, his hair was black and in a peaked up style complemented by dazzling grey eyes. I didn’t say anything more as I gave his shoulder a squeeze and we joined the rest of the group. I began to look for Rea and I had finally found her standing by herself at the front of the group.

“How many?” I asked her as I eyed the group as well.

“A whole lot yet we should have way more,” she replied quietly, it was plain to see that we didn’t save everyone yet there was way too many to move around without causing some sort of suspicion.

“Whistle,” I told Rea and she nodded, doing a more than acceptable one. I shook my head with a smile before saying to the group, “I’m sure we’re all wondering the same thing, who and why. I’m going to tell you right now that the answers to those questions are probably not going to appear anytime soon. What we need to do now is focus on surviving out here. This area is well protected by the trees and there is a lake close by. Trips to the lake will be made in groups and fires will only be lighted during the day and kept low to not draw attention. Because of the skill level differences we will break into groups. So if your overall rank is five or four get into a group, three’s and two’s you get into a group, and one’s come up here.”

I watched as the large group began to separate themselves into smaller groups. My eyes landing on the two boys that were coming towards me with smirks.

“I was waiting for you to give us an invitation since you made yourself leader,” King smirked. King was nothing but an arrogant, over-conceited boy that spent his time boasting about himself and causing problems. His appearance only boosted his egotism even more. Unfortunately he was quite handsome; his medium length hair was an onyx color that brought out his seafoam colored eyes even more. He was a mild tan complexion and was built fairly good.

“The only reason an invitation was given out was because this is serious,” I hissed narrowing my eyes at him as we began to have our frequent stare down.

“Can we kill the tension please?” the second boy asked propping an arm on Rea.

“Sure can Ty, just tell your friend to chill!” Rea told catching a scowl from King and a smile from Ty and I. I had to sometimes wonder how Ty and King could be friends as they were more than just different. Ty’s attitude was always one that projected calm and collectivity, he thought before he spoke and acted and was actually a mature person. He was a dark brown with sweet chocolate colored eyes and wavy black hair; he was fairly tall and muscular yet reminded most of a big teddy bear.

“So what exactly is the plan? I know we can survive out here for a while but soon we’ll have to search for more food,” Ty asked looking at me and I felt Rea’s and King’s eyes travel to me as well.

“I’ll tell you when I think of one,” I told looking up to look at them, “I’m calling it a night.” I told walking to a patch of grass that I always snagged to sleep in. I threw a blanket on the ground and laid and stared at the strips of sky through the trees. I couldn’t sleep so I just laid there admiring the dark blue sky and the white stars that placed themselves there as well. In the distance the sound of frogs could be heard, singing their music to those that were nearby. Everything here was so calm despite the tragedy that had taken place a few miles away.

 I heard a branch break and I rushed forward to my feet, eyeing the woods.

“Sorry,” I heard a partially familiar voice say. I kept my eyes on the area that the voice came from and watched as the boy from earlier came forward.

“Nice to see you again soldier boy,” I smiled taking my seat as he stood a few feet away.

“Yea couldn’t seem to sleep after that.” I nodded and invited him to sit which he accepted after a moment of contemplation.

“You know I never caught your name, I’m Diego.”

“Devyn.”

“What’ll happen to us?” he asked before silence grew as I thought about his question.

“I don’t know,” I said softly shifting my gaze to the ground. All of us were raised in District X, it’s teachings were all we knew. “I guess soon we’ll have to start looking for a path to a town or something and stay there.”

“How are we going to fit in? We’re not exactly humans,” he stated and I felt my stomach churn at his words. Though I knew it was the truth, the phrase was always one that I dreaded. At such a young age I was looked at differently and treated differently, when I finally found out why it hurt more than I would’ve thought. All of us were what you would call a hybrid though the staff at District X simply called us Second Generations, the doctors and scientists called us SS2GH. We were all the final product of a drug given to soldiers to make them stronger, faster, and smarter than the norm, we were there offspring. Yet we were even stronger, smarter, and faster than them as well as our senses matching those that would be found in an animal. Yet because our blood had a large amount of unknown DNA caused by the drug it was impossible to have a third generation come about, we were the first and the final. We couldn’t run from it thanks to one thing we all shared, a scar on our backs in the shape of an X.

“The great District X has fallen,” Diego remarked bringing me out of my thoughts. I found my brow narrowing at his remark as I felt something spark within me.

“No. District X can never fall because it’s not a place . . . it’s a thing. No, it’s not even a thing it’s us.” With that being said I rolled over on my blanket and closed my eyes, going to sleep thinking about my words as my mind pushed away everything, including the ongoing explosions.

Reviews

[Arutha]

Very cool story. It's gripping, interesting, and contains some sweet action. I do wish I could get a bit more of Devyn's emotion. I feel like having your academy blown to smithereens would be pretty traumatizing.

Okay, here's things I saw/thought as I read, with more on my take at the bottom. Great job!

"In an instance I felt the icy water..." Should be "instant," instead of "instance." Also, in that same sentence I would stick the word "I" before "cursed."

"11.23" I would write this out in the manner the instructor says it. I mean, is it "eleven twenty-three," "eleven, two, three," "eleven point twenty-three," or what? This might add complexity, so you might still want to throw the number into the narration, like, "Eleven-point-twenty-three," the instructor told me with a wide..." ... "11.23? That was it? I growled and shook my head..." Or something. Okay, maybe just leave it lol. I feel like I'm way over-complicating this.

"I growled and shook my head and caught the towel that he had thrown my way." Here you've created a kind of monotone feel to the sentence. Instead of structuring it like a list (this and that and the other thing) try "I growled and shook my head as I caught the towel..."

"...I heard the sound of some type of machines but that was all, nothing to suspicious." Either make "machines" singular for grammatical purposes, or reword to something like "... I heard some mechanical banging sounds, but that was all..." or something.

"I had only heard the alarms a few times and that was only during practice drills." You've repeated "only" twice in this sentence, which can be distracting for a reader.

"...we we’re always foretold if there was a drill and I had received no warning." First off, you've repeated "we" forms here, but also you might slightly reword this for easier comprehension, like "We were always forewarned if there was going to be a drill, and I had..."

"Most of the faces I have seen yet not taken time to get to know them or cared to." This sentence was hard to follow until I read it a few times.

"'...I don’t know exactly why!'" I have trouble picturing someone saying this. I would have expected something more like "... the whole base, and I have no idea why!"

"...to go back out the room." Need an "of" between "out" and "the."

Lol, I like the part where Devyn throw the boots at Rea; that was pretty funny. Speaking of Devyn, I'm assuming Devyn is a girl (for two reasons, the roommate is a girl and "Devon" is usually the male spelling) but you have done anything to make this explicit.

I also really love how you set Devyn up as a natural-born leader. It makes really interested in her character. In fact, I think readers are going to find that compelling simply for the fact that we all sort of wish we a little more like that, lol. Awesome job!

“Your good." Should be "you're." Also "...towards the woods follow them." Need to separate the sentences here.

"'Don’t worry about me just go,' I told and" Need the word "him" in there. Also, you've another "this and that and the other thing" here.

"...she replied quietly, it was plain to see that we didn’t save everyone yet there was way too many to move around without causing some sort of suspicion." So, first off that first comma should probably be a period. Also, Where it says "there was way too many..." should be "were" instead of "was."

"...muscular yet reminded most of a big teddy bear." Think you need the word "me" in there.

"I told walking to a patch of grass that I always snagged to sleep in." Missing a word or something here.

"...the white stars that placed themselves there as well." Stars can't place themselves. Maybe something about God placing them there or something?

Okay, so I feel like we sort of skipped a big chunk of action between the explosions and fire and them suddenly being several miles away from it all. I would love to have some more detail. Besides, you have a lot of good action implicit in that missing piece that you should capitalize on to make your story even more exciting to the reader! ;-D

"...it’s teachings were all we knew." Should be "its."

" Yet we were even stronger, smarter, and faster than them as well as our senses matching those that would be found in an animal." This is not parallel. I'd start a new sentence after "them," and just say "Our senses were keener, more animalistic," or something (and yes, animalistic is a word even though the Cafe's spell-check doesn't think it is, lol).

Okay, so I really like this story. It reminds it a lot of the Halo saga they released about a year ago on YouTube, but more awesome because your characters turn out to be super humans! I love the idea that their scientific musings created these amazing, second-gen beings. It's a really cool concept, and I think people are going to be really intrigued by it.

[MistyKarma]

Thank you I agree with all the things you pointed out and I can't thank you enough for the in depth review.