The coffee shop

this is a short story that i am working on and need some advice for

Chapter 1: The smell of bittersweet…

It was an early start to the day the rain was pattering against the roofs and tiles of houses and shop windows trying to get in and huddle with the heat sources located inside. The fireplaces crackled with energy as the wind whirled and wind around the serpentine alleys and drafts of newspapers floated off their stands and elegantly swept away with the wind. The fire bounces golden light off every object in the shop, the sun finally beginning to peep through at me. I ordered the usual latte with cream and cinnamon neatly sprinkled in the shape of a heart. I felt as if it always helped me to relax after long hours of endless working. I wasn’t sure what to write today so I sat back with a pad on the table and stared at the cover till an idea began to pop up inside my head. I tried to rattle the thoughts of getting an idea but the rattling was only the shells of old ideas already used to the point of cliché. The lady at the desk offered me a kind smile, her long nutmeg colored hair dampened by the slight rain pour on the way to work today flowed down her dark green coffee spluttered apron. The glass shelving of pastries were delicately placed on the trays and surrounded by vibrant pinks and reds in state of the upcoming valentines day, once more I was alone. There was chattering lowly placed in the coffee shop faint sounds of the sibilance of Spanish, the assonance of French and even some incomprehensible words that sounded somewhat similar to Russian or polish. The shop buzzed with a peaceful tranquility of life and alone in the corner sat me. My tail drooping by my side, fur stuck together matted from the rain. My ginger ears brushed flat from water and wet blonde hair tied in now a messy ponytail to dry off. Just one lonely fox writing a book and no one really seemed to care or realize I was even there.

Chapter 2: Who are you?...

I am Misty, Only 16 and alone already. That seems to be the case with us foxes we never stick around long with our families either that or we never live long to. See things have been harder on us foxes recently. Society treats us like filth that runs around trying to fight each other or eat the trashy leftovers from their garbage. But seriously guys, we aren't racoons...My parents left me at birth, I never met them, I always grew up with a harder life, didn't know much back then, still don't really. I always thought we travelled around in this world full of a city of angels sent down upon us to fix us but now… I just want to move away. So to get away from my problems I began writing and writing I wouldn't stop. I guess you could say I'm running from my problems. But you would be wrong to see i decide to write them out or hide behind this a character like a book closed so no one knows what's inside me. I sit in this coffee shop and constantly write out my problems so I can forget about them because I always have believed to look back upon my problems instead of running. That way it helps for you to see  things have been harder on us foxes recently. Society treats us like filth that runs around trying to fight each other or eat the trashy leftovers from their garbage. But seriously guys, we aren't racoons...My parents left me at birth, I never met them, I always grew up with a harder life, didn't know much back then, still dont really. I always thought we travelled around in this world full of a city of angels sent down upon us to fix us but now… i just want to move away. So to get away from my problems I began writing and writing I wouldn't stop. I guess you could say I'm running from my problems. But you would be wrong to see i decide to write them out or hide behind this a character like a book closed so no one knows whats inside me. I sit in this coffee shop and constantly write out my problems so I can forget about them because I always have believed to look back upon my problems instead of running. That way it helps for you to see the hole that you were once in and allows you to realise how far you have gone now. I haven’t had the best of lives but I can surely say that I really did bring myself up well enough to get through what we now can see as a hell hole or a world. Changing up from this, I wasn’t always able to write. It started in the midst of August. The leaves were already orange like pumpkins. I used to draw faces on them in black markers as if they were Jack-o-lanterns. On the other hand, I call them leavekins. They were something that cheered me up and then I met Lulu. She was the bestest Friend I could ever ask for. She taught me how to write and brought me my first book. I never forgot the name or author ‘Noughts and Crosses’ by Malorie Blackman. She truly is one of my idols. After only a few months Lulu began to teach me to write stories! She was only a few inches taller than me. Her ginger hair came all the way down to her thighs. It truly was beautiful she had little freckles pinpointed on her arms and across her face that I used to play dot to dot with, she had eyes as green as the shiniest emerald that man ever befell on. But now it was time to move on so I left the coffee shop and decided to go on a walk, somewhere peaceful maybe? I wasn’t quite sure where yet but I'm sure I'd find somewhere.

Chapter 3: An unexpected visitor?.... I ended up going to the park, the sun was now shining brightly, the blossoms on the tree sparkled light off their pastel petals, the sky bright like bioluminescent bays shining like diamonds. Small clouds cuddled each other as they drifted onwards to other lands, I stared at them as they moved on, reminding me almost like little balls of cotton candy….Vanilla flavoured of course haha.. Stuff like that was the good old days. The entire park was so panoramic the way everything seemed was so good it seemed unreal, like a fantasy come true. The water glinted from the morning light, the small ripples for the koi fish feeding nearby on swollen breadsticks that must have been there for at least an hour or so.

Reviews

[Tony Dincau]

Misty, keep writing, you’ve got talent. In the beginning you’re setting a soothing, therapeutic scene, so the word “infested” is difficult to digest. Watch your sentence tense as it changed from past to present and back again early on. I like the short story so far, as I wanted to read a bit more, with a cup of latte of course!

[Misty]

Thank you so much for this advice! I am only 16 and still learning so this really means much to me. I am so glad you enjoyed it and I will be sure to improve on my mistakes!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I agree with Tony on his recommendations. This really is a solid piece of writing. I tend to have similar issues in sentence structure and narrative. To be honest I tend to care more about the story then proper punctuation and the technical aspects of writing. Eventually it gets a bit better the more you write. Plus listen to a good teacher. Wish I would have done that when I was in school. My personal advice to you though is to keep writing and never stop. It takes a lot to put your work out there for all to see. You really paint remarkable images with your words. That's talent. Keep going so that others can see and be a part of the worlds you create.

[Misty]

thank you so much! it really does mean a lot to me