Sun at Night

Dawn just lost her mom. At first, it was horrible. Then, it became unbearable. Lyra is just another school girl. She has friends. She thinks.

The Sun at Night

 

“When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long.” �" Unknown

Dawn

Dawn always liked the night. Which was kind of ironic, she supposed, because her name, in fact, meant the “rise of the sun.” But there was something in the dark and quiet moonlit sky that relaxed her. Maybe it was the quiet hush of the wind that got to her. Or perhaps the sea’s melancholy tune, as it’s waves whispered softly. At midnight, she would lay on her bed and think. Not necessarily about any sure thing. She would just think. Sometimes about the life ahead of her. Sometimes about how the stars wrote messages in the sky. Sometimes about how she would once grow up to be like her mother.

Dawn’s mom was a songwriter. She used to write lyrics that went so deep down; they reached the middle of the heart. They touched one’s soul and made them feel what her mom was felt when she wrote the song, whether it was joy, or sadness, or guilt.

Guilt. Such a simple word. It’s amazing what merely five letters can do. While mistakes are made by everyone, some can’t be fixed. Some cost more than what can be fixed. Sadness turns to blame, and blame turns to guilt and guilt does not give up. Guilt stays, whether one deserves it or not. Guilt stays.

Losing her mother was never easy. Now, at night, Dawn didn’t think about what she used to. Now, her light brown hair lay tangled and spread across the pillow, and her dark eyes and freckled cheeks were sparkling with tears.

“ It’s okay,” her mom would tell her when Dawn used to cry about the names they used to call her. “It’s all going to be okay. Some things in life, you can’t change, and all you can do is carry on. It’ll all be okay.” But it wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay. It’s not your fault, Dawn thought to herself, trying to stay strong, as her mother had once done. It’s not your fault that mom didn’t make it back. It’s not your fault. She remembered the sweet song her mom sung to her the night before.

Carry on, carry on, the shivering bluebird sings

As the sun goes to sleep and the moon night brings

The stars whisper softly with pain in their hearts.

Sway along with the willow tree

Carry on, carry on.

Lyra

Lyra grabbed her lunchpail and water bottle as she flung her backpack onto one shoulder, and ran out to meet her friend.

“Lyra!”, cried her friend Cherish.

“We’re going to be late! And there’s, like, five minutes ‘till school starts! Hurry yourself up already!” Lyra sighed. Her dark walnut-colored hair blew in her face as she sprinted towards the car. “Sorry!” She yelled and slammed the door.

“Why do you say sorry for everything?”, questioned Cherish. “That wasn’t something to say sorry for. You have to fix that about yourself.”  Lyra shrugged. “Sorry”, she squeaked, hiding behind the silky hair that covered her face. Lyra thought to herself as the rusty pickup truck bumped along on the rocky cement. The flat, straight road seemed to never end as they drove. Thick groves of trees lined the gravel on the side. Occasionally, she would see an old motel or a few houses clustered together, but the  landscape was flat and monotonous, yet beautiful. Several snowy spots showed up in random patches of grass. The chilly air and crisp breeze made Lyra’s hair fly through the open window.She remembered the year before. People. Words. Blood. The day she entered Elmhurst Junior High, she never wanted to go back, but she had to. Then she remembered them. The people who had took her only picture of her dad and burned it in front of her. The individuals who had sent her letters saying to kill herself. The people who laughed when she almost killed herself. “Go to where you belong”, they had said to her. “Go kill yourself. You’re worthless anyways.”  Lyra would always reply, “I’m sorry!”  

Lyra always wondered what her father was like. He had passed away when she was two and she only had very faint memories of him. She remembered a voice telling her the story about the three little pigs. She still owned that same book her father had read. After her father died, her mother had to work very hard, and moved many times to find a fit job. She finally reached Arizona, where Lyra was now. Her mom was always the first person Lyra would go to when she had a problem. She recollected memories from when she was in Elmhurst Junior High in Arizona. Lyra would come home with bruises everywhere, and tell her mom in tears what happened at school that day. The school had refused to fix the problem, and her mom couldn’t afford to move on her own. “Hang in there, sweetheart”, she would say softly, stroking Lyra’s silky brown hair and looking into her deep, blue-green eyes. “If they have any heart at all, they will realize and love you for who you really are. Hang in there.”

“Lyra! We’re here!”, Yelled Cherish into her ears. Lyra sighed. Why can’t I ever think about anything else? She wondered as she climbed out of the rather expensive car her friend owned. Cherish was two grades ahead of Lyra and had just gotten a driving license. Lyra looked around and suddenly bumped into another girl going the other way. “Hey! Watch where you’re going!”, she yelled angrily at Lyra. “Oh! I’m so sorry!” exclaimed Lyra. She looked around shyly and weaved through the crowd of students to get to her class.

At lunch, she sat with the girls that basically everyone knew. Maddie, Lily, Brit, Cherish and Miana. “Dude, did you see that kid with the yellow-green spotted backpack?”, asked Miana. “She ran out of class crying today. Wonder what her problem was. What a creepy lame-o.” Lyra thought for a second. Yes! She had seen the girl running while Lyra made her way towards the bathroom. She was only in one of her classes, and she had seen her sitting on a dusty cement sidewalk behind a grove of trees. She didn’t think the girl would run out of school, but Lyra had been on the creaky swing set, swinging as high as she could, when she looked over the wall with her deep blue-green eyes and saw  her. The girl had ran out of a room with her hood on and slammed her backpack on the floor outside of the school. What was strange was that the girl was holding two small items in each hand and kept looking at them. What could have those been?, wondered Lyra. She pictured the girl and focused. Just then, it hit her. The items in her hand! They weren’t just two pieces of plastic! One was a pocketknife, and the other was...a lighter! Lyra gasped quietly to herself, and her heart sank.

Cherish smirked. “Yeah I saw her. I wouldn’t want to be seen with someone who has that messed up of a hairline!"

“What’s so wrong with her?” Lyra questioned.

“What did you say?” Asked Miana with a glare in her direction.

“Why do you guys hate her? You don’t even know her’, she asked. The girls stared.

“Because someone who runs out of a classroom crying is a loser, obviously.”, she stated.

“But-” Miana interrupted her.

“Why do you care? It’s not like you’re friends with her or something. Are you gonna cry like she did? If any of us got caught talking to someone that’s not close to our level, we could be brought down a lot. And we don’t want that do we? Sorry, but we don’t hang out with losers.”

“Yeah- she was a loser! I mean, no one just gets up crying, right?”, Lyra said, hiding her fear and uncertainty.

The girls laughed, and Lyra forcedly smiled at them.

But inside, she wasn’t laughing. What if something’s wrong? She thought to herself. She thought again, and again, as if two sides were controlling her.

Oh come on, what could be so wrong? I bet it wasn’t even that bad!

But she looked sad! Maybe I should make friends with her.

It might not be for as bad a reason as you think. Better not embarrass yourself trying to help her.

But you’ve been through this yourself before! You know what pressure feels like!

But Lyra knew what had happen before with a girl named Tiffany. She began hanging out with someone else for one day, and the girls gossiped about her so much while the poor girl was gone! Lyra could only play along with the girls’ nasty ways such as silent treatment and the mean faces. The next day, Tiffany didn’t sit with them, and she doesn’t to this day. I don’t want to lose these friends!, thought Lyra. They are the only ones who will even talk to me in this school right now, and I can’t take a chance. For the rest of the day, Lyra kept thinking about the girl with the yellow-green spotted backpack, and thought to herself, you can make it to school today without crying. Hang in there, hang in there.

Dawn

“Dawn! Get down here for breakfast and hurry up, or else you won’t get any!”, yelled Dawn’s grandmother in her crooked, screechy voice. “You’ve done enough wrong in your life, at least get some decent grades and get to school early.”, She screamed from downstairs.  Dawn sighed and slumped down the stairs, as the smell of oatmeal filled the air. She never actually spoke to her grandma unless a question was asked. “What took you so long, child?”, said Grandma in a harsh voice. “Nothing, Grandma,” said Dawn, so quietly she was almost in a whisper.

Dawn’s mom died in a plane crash. When Dawn heard it on the news, she didn’t believe it. She checked again and again which plane had crashed, but it kept showing her mom’s flight. Her heart was sinking so deep into her chest; she couldn’t feel herself anymore. Surely this was all a joke; she had thought laughing. This was definitely a joke. Later that day, a man that was formally dressed knocked on their door with some money and a letter in hand. His face was extremely grim.

After her mom’s death, Dawn didn’t smile. Smiling was only a faint memory of when her mom used to sing the magical tunes that she wrote to Dawn. A memory from when she would say goodnight to her mother every day. Before she left, she hadn’t gotten to say goodnight. That night, her mom had to go at midnight to catch her flight, and Dawn figured sleep was the only escape from the pain. Why did this happen to her? Why her? Couldn't it have been someone else? If only her mother didn’t have a heart so pure as to leave for her family’s sake. If only her mother had the courage and confidence, and had not been so modest about her beautiful songs. She could have sold her songs, but she refused and took the other opportunity, which was traveling and re-doing college.

The family was struggling with financial difficulties, and what was taking up a lot of the money was Dawn’s voice lessons. Dawn’s mother had always wanted her only daughter to follow her passion in singing. Dawn had loved going there weekly and performing a new song every week. The people there appreciated her and saw her true talent. However, outside of singing lessons, besides her house, she would get abused and pushed around. People took advantage of her and pressurized her to do anything. Dawn’s mother knew this. She knew that the only true happiness her daughter could find was in singing. So she didn’t quit singing lessons. She decided to get a job.

Dawn’s mom had to go on a flight to Hartford, Connecticut and stay in college until graduation. Dawn had cried so much and begged her mother to stop, and her mother had cried as well. She sang Dawn a song for the last time, a day before she left.

Carry on, carry on, the shivering bluebird sings

As the sun goes to sleep and the moon night brings  

The stars whisper softly with pain in their hearts.

Sway along with the willow tree

Carry on, carry on.

Dawn’s father was quite strange. He would always get in fights with her mother and argue so much. He cared more about politics and money than about passion and true happiness like Dawn’s mom. He never really talked to Dawn, unless he requested she get a cup of coffee for him or other small applications. Dawn never minded as much because she never liked him anyway. But when Dawn’s mother unexpectedly passed away, something inside him fell and refused to rise. That night, he left the house, saying only a few words for a goodbye. “It’s all your fault.”

Each day, Dawn would repeat what her dad said in her mind at night, when she thought. It’s not your fault; it’s not your fault. Each day, she would think deeply, tears welling in her eyes, heart empty, stomach empty, soul empty. Be strong, she repeated to herself. Be strong like mother once was. Everything will be okay. Dawn was sent to her mom’s mom, and her father told them what happened. Grandmother had heard, and took Dawn’s father’s side as well, thinking it was all Dawn’s fault that her daughter passed on.

Dawn sulked in her English class sleepily as she looked down at her lap and closed her eyes. “It’s all your fault.”, her dad had said. What if it really was?, wondered Dawn. All of a sudden, she came to a realization. It really is your fault! If mom hadn’t put so much faith into me and I hadn’t been so snobby about singing, she wouldn’t have had to leave! Our family fell apart because of me! It…it was all because of me!  Just then tears immediately popped out of her eyes. My fault. Her heart sunk and her throat had begun to form a giant lump. My fault. Her head started spinning, and she began to see white flashes. My fault. Kids stared at her as she ran to the front of the classroom.The class began to blur in her view and she immediately signed a bathroom pass and sprinted out of the room, her silky hair trailing behind her. It’s all my fault!

Dawn kept sprinting until she reached the outside of the school, next to the fence that separated the school’s hallways, where kids were filling up gradually as the bell for nutrition rang. Several children stared at her through the fences that kept them on campus. She looked away in tears and moved to where they couldn’t see, around a solid wall. Her breathing was hoarse and she had barely energy in her body at all. With extreme weakness, and sadness, and whatever was in her mind, she leaned with her back against a wall. With no strength left in herself, she collapsed on her knees, her arms hanging lifelessly at the sides. Staring off to nowhere, she whispered to herself, “all my fault.” She suddenly  lurched for her backpack and unzipped it. She frantically searched for something, and snatched them out of the bag when she felt them. She looked around, and she knew she was alone. The area behind the school was full of evergreen trees, and there was a single cement path going right through it. Now one really went there because of the dust and darkness. She began staring at the items in her hand with consent. A lighter….and a pocketknife. Words raced through her head. Mom. Dad. Singing. Mom. Mom. You. Mom. Her face stayed expressionless, with her mouth slightly open. Tears escaped her eyes and tumbled down nonstop. Your fault. Your fault. Your FAULT. Suddenly her right arm sprung forward. The small pocketknife blade swiftly slit her skin right below the wrist of her trembling arm. She gasped, inhaling as much air as she cold. Pain rushed through her body, causing her body to freeze, motionless. Relief. Relief from all the pain in her head. Now she didn’t have to think about this. She didn’t… have…to…  Suddenly, the world began to spin, and the last thing she remembered was her yellow-green spotted backpack falling from her shoulders before pure blackness.

“Ugh,” Dawn grunted as she rose up from the cold, hard floor. Her head throbbed with dizziness as she recollected her thoughts. Wait, she mused. Why am I in the middle of the sidewalk? All of a sudden, an intense pain shot through her arm, and she gasped, clenching her left wrist. She lay dazed as the throbbing sting paralyzed her. Just then, all her memories returned. The bathroom. The school. The wall. The knife. The blood. She pressed on her wound to create more pain, so it would take her mind off of anything she had once thought about. Wincing, she lay down once more.

Red stains covered her full-sleeved plaid flannel shirt and the ground below it. The sky shone pink and yellow, as the sun cast a gorgeous aura in the dim sky.  It’s evening! Thought Dawn. I’ve been here for too long! I have to go home!  She shot back to her house and, out of breath, reached for the doorbell at the front door. Wait a sec! She thought. No one’s home! Grandma’s at a poker game! She sighed in relief so that she didn’t have to lie about the “red pomegranate juice” on her shirt. She reached for her house keys, opened the door, and rushed to her room to stuck on a bandage to hide her wound. Putting her neon green hoodie on, she looked out her window and sighed.

Lyra

Lyra rapped on her front door after coming back from school the next day. Another dull, pathetic day. A tall woman with glorious, short maroon hair answered. “Honey! You’re back! How was your day?!”, Said her mom excitedly. Her glasses kept sliding down her nose and freckles. “Hi mom,” said Lyra in a strained voice.

“What’s the matter?”, questioned her mom.

“Nothing.”

“But Lyra, honey you look sad. You are not okay. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Um, I--I, uh, I got a B-minus on my, um, science quiz.”, lied Lyra.

“Aw! Is that what’s bothering you? Tell you what, I’ll help you study for the next one, and your grade will be up in no time!”, said Lyra’s mom, putting her arm around Lyra’s shoulder.

“Okay!”, Lyra spit out with a fake smile.

Today, the same girl from yesterday that was crying was sitting alone at lunch. “Hey,” Lyra had said to her shyly, with a strange smile on her face. The girl had just looked up and looked back down again. She wasn’t even touching her food. “Do-do you want some  of my candy?”, Asked Lyra holding out a chocolate bar. The girl just stared. All of a sudden, Lyra felt a jerk on the hood of her jacket, forcing her to turn around. “Hey,” said Miana and the other girls.

“Is this your new...friend?”, she asked in a threatening manner with her eyebrows raised.

“Um-um….”, stuttered Lyra, heart racing and unsure of what to say. Uh oh. I’m done, she thought to herself.

“Are you for REAL? So you think it’s okay to be hanging out with this low life and bringing us down?”

“I….”

“Who do you think you are? After all, you aren’t that pretty anyways.” Miana stared at the girl, who was still slumping as if she’d lost all hope at all. Miana then suddenly narrowed her eyes.

“Hey, is this the same girl you were talking back to me about yesterday?”

Dawn swallowed, too scared to speak. “Uh-uhm...I-”

“It IS, isn’t it! I knew it you-you worm! You just don’t know how to listen DO you?” Her eyes stared at Lyra, burning a hole in her stomach. Miana took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m going to give you one more chance.” She grumbled with a sinister look in her eyes. “Remember, three strikes, and you’re out.”

The sun shone brightly on that afternoon when she found out. Through the window of her room, she had seen something familiar. It was sort of...yellowish green. The yellow-green spotted backpack! The girl she had seen from before at school? Was Lyra her neighbor? She saw a young, teen girl with silky light brown hair stride into the room; shoulders drooped, head down. She sat on her bed and stared at her lap then got back up again a began doing something at her desk. After about fifteen minutes, she left the room. Lyra then saw her walking down their street, and towards the road.

Sighing, she placed her textbook to the side and lay her head on her desk. Suddenly, something caught her eye. A piece of white paper flew out of the open window of the house next door. It blew with the wind and landed softly on the cement in front of their house. Lyra tried to stop herself, but her curiosity got the best of her. I wonder what it is? Maybe it was homework. I better give it back to her. She rushed downstairs and out to the front yard. Bending down, she picked up the note. The handwriting was incredibly neat, written in ink pen that was obviously not yet dry, although it was a bit wet. Why is it wet? Wondered Lyra. Trying her best not to smudge, she read the writing.

Dear grandmother,

Sorry for everything I’ve done. I’ve caused so much pain for so many people. My mom should not have died for my selfish desires. Because of me, my mom’s gone, and your daughter is gone. It really is all my fault. I just wanted to say sorry. But now, I won’t be able to cause any more harm. I think it’s time for me to go. I won’t be able to cause any more problems to the world this way. I don’t deserve to stay in this miserable world. I’ve always wanted to go on top of a skyscraper anyways. Goodbye. I’m sorry.

-Dawn

Dawn

As Dawn walked downstairs to get some water, she saw her grandmother, back facing her, looking at something. Something was making strange noises. What is that?, wondered Dawn. She was in a good mood today. She had seen a girl, with beautiful deep blue-green eyes, and she had said hello! Dawn was too shy to look at her or even talk to her, but the girl had seemed incredibly friendly. Maybe I have a chance to meet her and make a friend!, she thought to herself. Suddenly, Dawn heard a gasp. It was soft, and it came from her grandma. “Grandma?” asked Dawn, confused. “Are-are you okay?” Dawn quietly stepped down the stairs and stood behind her grandma. Suddenly, she turned around. Grandma’s face was wet. Her cheeks were red, and she carried a tissue paper box in her lap, along with a picture...of Dawn’s mom. She looked at Dawn with sadness and hatred in her eyes and spoke.

“Am I okay? No! I’m not! My daughter. My sweet, sweet, beautiful daughter. She always knew the right thing to say. She was always so happy, and so open. Then, she had you. You’re disgusting face just makes me wanna GRIMACE! You are the reason why my beautiful daughter is not here anymore. YOU are the reason why I lost her. You don’t deserve to be here! You don’t deserve to be in this world! “You KILLED her!”

Dawn stood, stunned. Her grandma stared at her. Everything in Dawn collapsed. Her heart. Her brain. Her soul. She did. She really did kill her very own mother. She was a monster. A MONSTER! Monsters didn’t belong in this world. She didn’t have a right to cause this much pain! She didn’t deserve to live! Sorry mom thought Dawn. She grabbed a piece of paper and an ink pen. Tears dropped on the paper delicately, making it wet. Dear grandma…

Lyra

Lyra stared at it, her mouth open wide.  Her mind wouldn’t believe it. I couldn’t. Dawn. That was her name. The lighter and the knife...they were actually there! This was exactly what Lyra had pictured. Oh no. Memories flooded back in. “I don’t want to live!” Lyra had thought to herself, before they had moved here. All the people. This was really happening. OH NO!

Thoughts raced a million miles a second in Lyra’s head. No! Stop! You have so much to live for! You don’t understand! You can get over it!  If Lyra had gotten over it, Dawn could too. Whatever was bothering that girl could be fixed, she just didn’t understand it! She’s at the only skyscraper in Downtown. I’m gonna go after her. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and standing there were Miana and Cherish! Lyra’s heart sunk.

“Hi! What’re you doing here?” asked Miana. Cherish just stood awkwardly.

“This is my house….”, answered Lyra hesitantly.

“What’s that?” Questioned Miana, snatching the paper out of Lyra’s hands. As she snatched it, the wet ink smudged much of the letter.

“Dear grandma…” she read.

“I can’t read any of this; it’s all smudged. Ugh.”

Just then, her eyes traced down to the bottom of the page.

“From...Dawn.”  Slowly Miana looked up at Lyra.

Lyra gulped, and her heart started beating a million times a second. I’m going to give you one more chance; Miana had said.

“Are you SERIOUS?” Miana exclaimed with her eyes wide open. After I even TOLD you NOT to make friends with any losers, especially that idiot?!”, she screamed pointing at Dawn’s name on the letter.

“You PIG! What is your problem? Do you NOT know how to listen or something? Did you SEE those senior girls staring at us? They probably think we’re idiots!”

Dawn turned around to see teenage girls at the end of the street glaring back at them. She sighed and began to speak.

“I’m sorry, I just-” Miana interrupted her.

“Wah, wah! Are you going to CRY wike a wittle BABY?! You little punk! Go away! I can’t be seen with someone as disgusting as you!”

Suddenly, Miana took Lyra’s shoulders and, with force, pushed Lyra backward, sending her flying towards the ground. She grunted as she fell onto the cement. Her tailbone hit the floor, and huge surge of pain rushed through her.  Hang in there, hang in there! she thought to herself. Tears welled up in her eyes. C’mon! You can’t cry! You can’t show your weakness! Tears came faster. Hang in there! Soon, her face was wet with tears, and she looked up to see Cherish looking away, with awkwardness and possibly guilt. However, Miana stared right at her. “That’ll teach you not to mess with me.”, She said with a cruel smile. Suddenly, Lyra felt something small in the pit of her stomach. It began to grow larger gradually. Her fists clenched. Her eyes became narrow and stopped tearing up. Her mouth opened, clenched teeth within. She stood up and looked Miana straight in the eye.

“No.”

“What did you say?” Miana said with a soft, terrifying voice.

“I said...NO.”

“So you want to play THIS game now, huh? Well, I’ll show you what MY game is!” Miana suddenly kicked Lyra in the shin, causing her to fall to the ground, blocking the fall with merely her hands. Lyra looked up terrified. Miana’s face had turned red. Her hair was tangled and messy, and she had a crooked smile on her face.

“I’ve had ENOUGH OF YOU! Now get your ugly face out of here before I-”  Lyra softly interrupted, occasionally hiccuping while crying, her face shining with tears.

“Please! You don’t understand! She-she needs my help! I-I need to follow h-her!”

“Oh YEAH? Well, you can follow her if you want to get hurt, but if you want and mercy at ALL, you’ll stay right here.”

Blinking back more tears and staring right at Miana, she told herself over and over again. Hang in there, hang in there, hang in there.

Dawn

Slowly, Dawn walked out of the house with nothing in her hand. She had left her letter on her desk. She was heading downtown, to the only skyscraper in the area. Thoughts filled her mind. What’s the point of living, when you don’t have anything to live for? Soon, she reached the building. She to the elevator to the terrace of the structure, and looked down below her. She sang to herself the song her mom sang to her many nights ago for the last time.

Carry on, carry on, the shivering bluebird sings

As the sun goes to sleep and the moon night brings

The stars whisper softly with pain in their hearts.

Sway along with the willow tree

Carry on, carry on.

Dawn walked towards the edge of the building. Her arm muscles tightened, ready for the gravity to pull her down. Her fists were clenched tightly. This is it. Her breath showed hoarseness, and a tear fell from her eye. She took a huge breath...and she jumped.

Dawn had jumped. She had really done it! Thoughts raced through her head, which weren’t going to be there for more than about five seconds. She felt a rush of air, when, suddenly, she felt a hand placing a firm grip on her wrist. She hung dangling from the building, as she looked up. Deep blue-green eyes stared back at her. The girl gently took Dawn’s other arm, pulled her up and smiled. “Hang in there.”

Author's Note

This is my first story that I have ever posted on a website. I'm still in middle school, and I'm not very smart with grammar. I'd appreciate absolutely any comments at all on my story. I really need to work on my writing. Thank you so much!