two worlds collide

i created this in class from the beginning sentence:) it was fun.

Riding the subway, i glimpse myself in the seat next to mine in the adjacent universe. I watch myself, amazed, as the hand raises to meet my own. Danielle, my other, watches me through her eyes as I smile. we regard each other since we're just finding out that the other exists.

No two can surive in one universe, so she was banished tot he other. My thoughts consist of why wasn't it me? We look the same and act the same...but we aren't the same person.

No one can be the same even if it is yourself. I get closer awed by how we do the same gestures. Then a thought occures tha tI could be her alternate shadow as she is mine.

She raises her right hand the same time I mirror her...but the difference is...it's my left. I get as close as I can and try to merge, but something holds me back.

I punch the thing, whatever it is, and scream. No sound emits from my mouth...no cracks or shudders engulf the border.

At that time I realize she is my shadow as I am hers, but...who's the one really living?

Author's Note

please review:) thanks

Reviews

[Lorraine]

This could use a few minor editing. However, the concept is brilliant and really witty. It's a like a story with a deep meaning hiding behind its words. The ending is also a nice cliffhanger that compels to minds to ponder. Nice Poem

Keep Writing. ^____^

[Wicahpi]

I'm not sure this is exactly a poem, but more of a short story.
There is a misspelling in line 4. Other than that this is quite unique.
I think you did a fine job crafting this story for class. Well done!
Good Luck in the Contest.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I thought this was really excellent... a great description as coming of age and the growing pains that always come with it... when innocents wears off as you begin adulthood it can be a shock to the system... thats what I saw in this fine piece.

[Sarah]

hmhmhmh i remember doing this in creative writing. i realy like yours. it was so much better than mine. mine was about the naked musical chairls lol but all in all very nice very nice

[Jeff Miller]

Super soft skin! Sorry I was just touching Sarah...inappropriately on her arm. Anyways it's great!