Reliving

i got this idea from my friends break up so yeah...i went with it.

I sit by a window

listening to the rain

feeling every bit of pain

inflicted by you

knowing that you meant it

feeling the strain

of watching your face change

from love to hate in a few seconds.

Reliving every moment in my head;

it will not stop

Tears coursing down my face;

faster than the rain can fall

My pain drains away slowly leaving through my eyes

hate takes its place and lodges into what was my heart

hate-for what you did and how you just left me there

making me see what a heart can be

what it can turn into

how could you do this to me?

stranded within myself

leaving me in agony; never to return

to what i used to be.

Author's Note

Please kritik this I like feedback. Thanks:)

Reviews

[Ebb and Flow]

This is a great write, but somethings I did see that might make this even better. Take for example these lines:
'Reliving every moment in my head; it will not stop
Tears coursing down my face; faster than the rain can fall"

I'd do something like:
"Reliving every moment in my head;
it will not stop
Tears courising down my face;
faster than the rain can fall"
To emphasize the second part of the lines. "it will not stop" is a strong line and should stand alone to give it more power.
Otherwise this is a good write.

Krys

[Lorraine]

It's a simple and expressive poem. The thoughts are barely exaggerated to create a more dramatic scene. I honestly this kind of approach is fine as it is. However, if you want to add more passion, intensity and emotion in your piece, you may add more vivid and powerful words. It's amazing how you can write from other's experience and still be able to convey the right emotions.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[hope.]

i really like how one can read this poem and see that (in my interpretation) a break-up can be bittersweet, but still hurt the same.
"hate-for what you did and how you just left me there
making me see what a heart can be
what it can turn into
how could you do this to me?"

"Making me see what a heart can be" -thats my favorite part of the whole thing. :)

[sudeshna]

very well expressed... each line describe the pain ...
i really liked it...

[Sarah]

AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jeff Miller]

So it's basically amazing...I like it.

[Kayla_May]

i love it! =]