Random thoughts and prose

the search begins anew...

        Returning to my eternal quest....

feeding the pain inside my chest...

Searching, hoping, try to find...

My angel.

So yes, I'm still looking for my angel... Is there one out there for me? Where? Who? When will I ever find them? So many questions I ask myself..I can never answer either. Is this what I'm meant to do, or...I really don't know. 

Through this all, I must confess   

It just seems like one huge mess...

I don't know what to do...

I mean... Everything I thought was good, turned bad. Yeah, I know. "Everyone goes through this, it's a part of life" Whatever, I don't want to hear that. That's stupid. It completely negates the individuality that we supposedly have. 

Though I try, and try, 

even through the tears I cry...

While I sit and wonder why..

 

But really, I've not found anything that seems to work... I almost feel like.. I have some sort of ability to make everyone like me, so long as I'm there... but when I'm not around... they lose that.

I press ever on,

never is my hope gone..

this road, this journey, so very long.

What, is it like, i have some sort of aura that makes people feel great about me when i'm around, but then when i leave, it's like..."he's really not all that special..."

I don' really know or get it...

Confusion, hurt, lost hope.

Missed opportunities, weep and mope.

Too slow, or just to dumb?

Of course, I get the feeling that I've missed shots at what could have been great things, but... I just can't push myself into it... Lack of confidence...

A tortured soul,

self-esteem ruptured early,

full of fear, a mind all whirly.

Who knows... maybe I just can't do things right. Maybe I haven't got the ability. 

Once more, away,

a work in progress, every day.

The search for an angel.