Blood On The Mirror

I can't ignore the fact
That you are nothing to me
And you will never be anything
You are just a drop in the black sea

Fate is my everlasting nightmare
You kiss me, bite my lip
The pain feels so good
Just as the blood starts to drip

You are just a fling
And the worst thing,
Is I know that, but I still try
Just so I can feel the satisfying sting

I wouldn't want it another way. I want the pain
I need it, the daily dose
I need to be able to grasp reality
I need the reassurance that one day, I will be able to commit

I see him laughing as I walk away
I was nothing to him
But somehow he meant something to me
But I know his heart was grim

"What number was he this time?"
My conscience threatens to push me over the deep end
"Forty seven? Twenty-eight? Seventy-nine?
"What you really need is a friend."

Pills, needles
Knifes, collapse
How many hours was I out?
"It's called relapse"

I go to my bathroom
"What the f**k have you done?"
Blood on the mirror
"Why can't I see through these eyes clearer?"

"Get rags or towels."
"Mom will be home soon"
It's too late. She's in the drive way
She's already up the stairs by halfway

"Close the damn door."
"Drugs are really f*****g with your mind this time"
I slam the door, I can already tell what mom's thinking
"You've already been the rehab and therapy. You have laid clam to the crimes"

Run the towels down the mirror
Only for it to smear
"Look what you've done this time."
"You better get yourself in gear"

Mom's already knocking, there's still blood everywhere
I can only assume its mine
But was dad home, or Jamie?
"You can't remember s**t can you?" There are no signs

"Lock the f*****g door. Stop acting stupid"
"You know what you are doing, this has happened before."
Tamper with the knob, hear the click
This was never suppose to happen again, I swore

The smell of chloroform rises from the sink
Nose cringes at the strong scent
"You know what that is. How the hell did that get in here?"
Now a white smoke was coming from the vent

"Holy s**t. You've really done it this time."
Fumble with the knob "What the hell is wrong with your hand!"
I'm seeing double vision, everything's in a haze
What's real? What's fake? "I have no f*****g clue, this was not part of my plans"

I fall backwards onto the door
Slide down until I feel the floor
I heard myself screaming
More and more

White smoke filling the room
I'm stuck
Imprisoned in my own filthy habits
"You've always had the worst luck"

Thirty seconds go by
In my four minutes of terror
My eyes start to blur, my face seems on fire
"You always knew you'd die like this. You've reached this life in error"

Author's Note

This is about a girl who goes around having "relationships" with guys, hoping it will make her feel better, but she knows it won't. That's why she turns to drugs, liquor, and self-infliction.
The quotations are her conscience talking to her.

Reviews

[dreaming dame]

deep, really deep:) I like this! great write

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you

[Myenigma]

wow, poor girl, but it seems she is her own personal tourmenter with the attitude and ending.., like the story thou.

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks (:

[B-poet]

Love the profile picture. A sense of macabre that's very eccentric. Love this poem though too it sheds light on the struggle of reasoning between the deadened drugged up conscious mind and the highly functioning subscious mind until death finally takes over. Great illustration of this. I have a few death type poems you might like. :) Great write

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks (: I will have to check out some of your work (:

[Rob Santana]

oh s**t! What an awesome write. I love it!! It's going in my library. I really like dark poems like this. Im tyring to get myself to write like this. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Speak in Silence]

Oh wow thank you (:

[Rob Santana]

haha,no prob

[captain]

wow! Brilliant!

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks (:

[Soul Fire]

Wow, this piece is amazing! I feel like I am witnessing this event! Horrid,disturbing, morbid but great piece! True art!

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you (:

[Soul Fire]

You're welcome

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

This piece is amazing! I love how you did quotes for her conscience!

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks (:

[Anonymous Girl]

Oh God!!! The piece is really good, honest! But the girl in the poem - does she really had to turn to drugs?? Really annoyed at that!! Why do people take drugs when they know they will do no good to them!! I don't get it *confused face*
Anyways, a perfectly written piece and the quotations can be 'heard' when you read the poem.
100/100

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you (: I feel the same way, my dad did the same thing and he disgusts me xP but anyways thanks again (:

[Anonymous Girl]

Its okay :)

[Alexander143]

I like the way I can literally 'hear' her conscious. It's a very nice piece. Just one typo; in the fourth to last stanza, did you imply '...part of the plan' when you wrote '...plans?'
But ultimately, it's a really nice piece.

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you, I will take care of that mistake (: