Lost, Left or Dead?

Take my hand.
Walk down this barren road of
Crushed hearts,
Shattered dreams, and
Lost souls.

Lost.
Lost, we are.
Lost in my eyes.
Lost in my bleeding addiction.

Pull me from the depths of hell,
With a shallow kiss that means nothing.

Night falls without a sound.

Left.
Left, we are.
Left for dead.

Squeeze my hand tighter,
Pain helps.

The serene darkness surrounds.
Light attempts to flare,
Only to be swallowed by the dark.

Fall to your knees.
Raise my head,
Now kneeling before my impassive truth.

Don't fight your fate.
Look into my eyes.
Our death lullaby plays faintly in the background.

Dead.
Dead we are.

Author's Note

I am not really sure where I got this idea but I hope you like it. Tell me what you think and be honest :)

Reviews

[Fernanda]

I really did like it, to be honest. I loved the fact that it doesn't rhyme, I love poems that don't rhyme and, also, I liked the way you explored the theme... it feels, personal and I managed to connect with it. very well done, indeed.

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)

[g.panchal]

lost left or dead.
good work as it depicts the darkness and its difficult to do that but you just did it well

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)

[3rd Chance]

A haunting composition that constructs a chilling path which leads the reader down a road of hopelessness, drawing them into a web of black intrigue where they contemplate the dark tone of loss ending with fatal acceptance. Artfully constructed, but lacks a certain originality because of its oft-explored nature.

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks :)

[Max]

it doesnt rhyme. i dont like poems that dont rhyme. its ocd thing.

[Speak in Silence]

I think rhyming limits your word choices so therefore I do not rhyme in my work often :)

[Max]

yes but i think rhyming adds so much to a poem, not so much for the message as for the poeticness. and the appreciation. if u throw random words together and say 'poetry" then really whats the vale, but when it actualy involves thinking a bit, then it is so much more meaningful.

[Speak in Silence]

You do have a point, but so do I. I also think rhyming (if you do it wrong) sounds like someone young wrote it. I want my work to sound professional. I rhyme sometimes, but not all the time. I think no one should rhyme all the time. You should think out of the box some.

[Max]

yes, but saying random words together may have more meaning, but it doesnt flow as well, and it just doesnt sound quite right to me.

[Speak in Silence]

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I agree with you somewhat.

[Max]

thank you. im not saying every word has to rhyme, but paterns are nice. and rhythm and aliteration too. if u can fit it all together bingo, masterpiece

[Speak in Silence]

You're welcome

[J.e.s.s.i.c.a]

I actually loved this poem, along with the fact that it didn't rhyme.. It gives it a unique feel, an unpredictability that keeps you reading. Good job!

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)

[Freedom's Child]

"Our death's lullaby" is awesome! The dark and vivid imagery is terrific and the mix of emotions it created was intense and enjoyable. Great work!

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)

[Tina Kline]

A very dark and brilliant poem. I'm impressed!


Thanks for posting this is my group: Shades of Darkness.

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks :), no problem :)

[marlayesterday]

This brought up a precise experience I have had. Dark and lovely. Beautiful.

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)

[koty bell]

this was very haunting creepy and a little frightening....i loved it

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks :)

[koty bell]

no prob

[Xerclipse]

This is really a great piece. I am guessing it is about a person or two that are not prepared for the dangerous world. Its a very dark poem and it gripped me emotionally!

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :) it's basically like that :)

[Wolfwind]

This comes across to me as a wonderfully creative and beautifully dark way of describing the last breath of a relationship. What I really enjoyed about this piece was the smooth flow to it. The cadence of the lines really brought out an almost mystical feeling to the words. Great Ink!

Aaron

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you :)