My B***s Got Me My First Boyfriend In The Fifth Grade

I was the first girl in my grade school
who wore a bra-
or at least who should have.
In fifth grade,
Aunt Renee bought me a 34-A
I grew out of
faster than I could shove it
back into a bag.

The boys in my class liked when I ran
and my b***s
would bob under my spaghetti strap
tank-top.

Soon, I could no longer hear
my foot strike
the ground over their whistles
and calls.

And its not like this ever changes
over the years,
when the other girls begin to fill
their first 34-A,
or when the boys try to hide
the stiff crotch
of their denim jeans.
Boys will gawk,
whether there are one or many
girls running,
and even with hooks and straps
holding us in,
we learn to fold our arms when sitting
and never to run.

Reviews

[The Twin Arenas]

This is sad.

"and never run"

that's sad.

[Kaylor Mason]

You couldn't get me to relive my childhood if you paid me

[Just Jayren]

Despite it's normality this is one of the craziest pieces of writing I've ever seen cos I could never imagine someone writing about soomething like this

[I Shred This Cabbage]

reads like an extract from a novel rather than a poem but a nice piece of writing all the same. reads to me like an exaggerated version of events;

I could no longer hear
my foot strike
the ground over their whistles
and calls.

as though the girl is amplifying the sounds in her hurried mind.

[Seshat Nidaba]

The concept or subject matter of this was striking and made me smile and laugh more than a little. Great job!

[DavidRyanM]

Alright. I'm actually impressed. Every time I would read this piece I wouldn't be able to put my finger on what was missing, or what could be added, or what wasn't striking me in the right way. Now, finally, this piece reads perfectly. The description is subtle and almost child-like in the way it's typed. The story flows and you kept my favorite part which is the last few lines about learning to fold your arms. Well done, dear. I don't think I could have written this piece anywhere near as well as you.

[Rochelle Tyler]

Thanks Dave! I'm glad I got a guys' perspective, I was wondering how it was for boys that age so thanks for the clarification on what's realistic. I'll get to work on it.

[DavidRyanM]

Like I said, I dig what you're going for. Something that happens to everyone. I remember the first time a girl in my class bent over and I saw down her shirt...the way her chest was squeezed into a purple bra...and how, ever since that time, I've tried to recreate the excitement of it all. I think that's one of the things you were trying to go for --- the guys' excitement at seeing your tits move beneath the t-shirt while running. I might take hard-ons out...it kind of didn't go with the flow < to quote Queens of the Stone Age on accident. The thing is, that kind of thing helps create erections later, but possibly not at the time of seeing it. Because, at least in my case, I wasn't sure what was happening when I saw what I saw...it took me a little while to digest it...and it did help out at later times.
The structure is something that would help this poem a lot as well. There's the part where you talk about the aunt buying the bra and growing out of it and, just from the way it's typed out, it's hard to read along..I thought I was missing a word while reading it, or missed a period or comma....
I like the "I learned to fold my arms when sitting and never to run..." that's a good ending. I might changed what the boys learned...maybe something they learned in private...or a hinted at realization...something the character assumes they're doing. I don't know...hopefully this helps. I mean this with much love. I think it has the potential to be really good with a few changes. The beginning is really good as well. Ropes the reader in and is appealing right off the bat.