Here
in a bed lies a woman.
Last night's linens twine
from breasts to feet where
a husband's ankles would.
There beside her is a man.
His hips stack like hay bales
on their sides and press
the flat back of her thighs.
If you were to ask this woman Who is this? She would reply Why that could be any lover of mine.
She studies how the night's hues
of blues stain his pale mouth royal,
how every man has a feminine curve
to his bottom lip, how when they sleep,
they all look like husbands.
Here in a bed lies a woman and a man.
She is the slivered bright edge of the moon
and he, the darker half. He is the infant
who cups and suckles her breast as he cries
in the blue-lit hours of early morning.
If you were to ask this woman Who is this? She would reply Why that could be any lover of mine.
Really am enjoying your work. I always wonder what women think of me when they see me sleeping in their bed at night. How do they really feel? and would it be appropriate to ask them for the truth?
I took from this what I feel I was supposed to. How every person is new. Every person you're with has at least one thing to show or teach you that the last one didn't. Which makes new relationships fun. Also, it's almost as if the narrator, while telling us the things that makes this one stand out, is growing tired of him at the same time and saying, "It could be anyone. Not too much different." Which is a concept I like a lot. Or at least can relate to on multiple levels. Makes me feel better about the way I tend to be.
I'm completely blown away by the raw emotion and intimate detail you've provided here. THIS is writing. Over half of people on here can barely write, perhaps you are keeping all the talent? lmao. Great job:)
Keen observations. I've noticed all the comments are by men too. Your picture is what drew me as I'm sure it did them. Your attractive but also a really good poet which in the end is is the main reason for reading. I like your words. I'll be reading them again.
Wow, this is brilliantly written. Your use of metaphor here is overwhelming and so very well applied. Your point is stunning, true, and painful in so many ways, but that's why it makes for a great subject matter. More often than not the truth is what people don't want to read, but that's precisely why they read it. Great job. I will be including this in my favorites if you don't mind.
I really like how you create the setting. Two lovers lying in bed is a classic scene, esp when nude - symbolic. Reminds me of Larkin's poem. It's a time for refection, passion, lust, love, innuendo, and a bungle of unnerving emotions. You did a really great job of using detail, analogy "like two silver spoons in a drawer" (though unfortunately, it has the almost comical connotation of "spooning") and I really like "They all look like husbands" - very deep. Two minor aspects I personally didn't like - the 6th stanza I thought slowed the momentum, and the baby imagery seemed a bit too overtly Freudian. Also, "that could be any lover of mine" should be saved for the end, as you instinctively inserted it there, so I would omit that line the first time around, and save it for last to make more of an impact.
Anyhow, those are just minor points, but overall, this was a very interesting poem.
Someone must have REALLY pissed you off, but I love the emotion expressed in this piece, very feminist, but not crazy psycho status. I feel bad that you never experienced an okay-good relationship, if that is the case, because this poem seems to reflect a theme related.
And that's why I'm always up at the wee hours of the morning, here in the Café..She'll miss me and never think of another!!
Very interesting twist in the end