The Last Place We Were

Across the street near the convenience store 

where we first noticed the peculiar man smiling 

with coffee-stained dentures 

who always buys his newspapers 

from Ron's brother down at the 7-11 

on Bonita Street where last summer 

one car flipped over the other; 

God let the drunk man live 

and took the scholar instead 

and we both agreed it made more sense 

'cause only the good make it to Heaven 

while the rest stay down here 

with you and me in Woodrow Park 

where one time you left the car running 

and made love to me 

in the back seat of your '89 Le Manz      

until the officer shone her flashlight through 

onto our hot faces, 

so we drove elsewhere 

to the neighborhood where we first met 

and you were still sober 

until the summer of '07

when your car flipped over the other 

and God let you live.

Reviews

[Phunkadelique]

"...and we both agreed it made more sense
'cause only the good make it to Heaven
while the rest stay down here
with you and me"

"...your car flipped over the other
and God let you live."

those lines are dope!! (not to say the rest weren't, but..yeah you know what i mean) Perhaps not what you were trying to convey..but the personal meaning i got out of it was a Hell on Earth type thing; in questioning why certain things happen the way they do, it seems you find your answer. I can dig it!

[Lalli]

wow.. You have a unique style about you. I applaud the creativity. "and god let you live"......"while the rest stay down here"...

Great story. fun and charming. The breaks between transitions actually presented a nice change in flow. Definitely a fan.

[WhiteWillow]

An interesting run-on style, so different, and so effective. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Antonio Valentino]

great twist at the end, love your story about youthful innocense and consequences of fate...

Extremely well done

Antonio :)

[Seshat Nidaba]

There is a glamour and a contemporary spark in your verse. The spacing is a nice trick! The mention of heaven and God added a peculiar touch to the biographical content.

[Robin]

you have great flow of images with your narrative style , great writing in poetic human terms ~

[See ya]

Yeah....I like this. I mean, I like the fancy poetry with all the fancy words and formats....but this type of poetry is what speaks to me. Tell me a story about a moment or moments in your life that can never leave and i will get lost in the writer's work everytime.

[DavidRyanM]

I dig the random sentence breaks throughout. It's a cool idea. The only one that made me stop a little when I was reading was the two kind of back-to-back during, "....before telling us to live so we drove elsewhere to the neighborhood...." that's the only one where they were so close together the pauses kind of felt forced. I love the call back though on the flipping car, the drunk driver, the scholar, the brilliant line of how the good make to Heaven and the rest of us stay here. But to bring that back in the end was a great way to tie everything together. Well done, dear. Great last line.