The Bewitching of Donald TrumpA Story by Miss Fedelm I don't know why I wrote this. The Bewitching of Donald Trump
When some species of male spider monkeys meet other male members of their species, they greet each other by screaming, jumping up and down and shaking their penises at each other. As noted by Carl Sagan, while this might be considered impolite in some circles, it is perfectly acceptable behavior for these monkeys. In fact, a normal monkey might be put out if another monkey failed to perform this monkey ritual.
And studies have show that this isn't a conscious ritual at all. The monkeys don't decide to do this. The actions are completely spontaneous and involuntary, with the actions controlled by the lower brain, the reptilian brain. The monkeys might not even be aware of what they are doing.
But Hillary Clinton's spider monkey was acutely aware of what he was doing. He was trying to get away from Hillary Clinton and to escape from this dark cave under the Comet Pizza Parlor. Hillary had bought the monkey for $1200 from a lab supply outfit. She had to enlist a couple of friends from the medical industry to do this. She now had the monkey in a child's plastic swimming pool and was shaving it with an electric tondeuse. A somewhat noisy one as far as electric clippers go and the monkey wanted no part of it. Hillary was in a foul mood, having already received three monkey bites during the operation.
Finishing up, she returned the now bald spider monkey to his cage and began sweeping the precious monkey hair into a zip lock baggie. Which she then placed on her work table. She retrieved a floppy sort of bag from a drawer, secured a green eye shade to her head and began to stuff the floppy bag with the monkey hair. As the work proceeded, it became apparent that the bag was actually a poppet in the form of Donald Trump. Finishing the stuffing, she used a small, curved carpet needle to sew up the back.
She then placed the poppet on a shoe box between two big screen televisions, their screens facing each other on either side of the shoe box. She then went to the computer and selected a file named, “Sean Hannity, 24 Hour Blast” and hit the play button. Hannity simultaneously came up on both televisions and he began his rant. This continued for 24 hours.
Returning the next day, she switched off the two televisions, now playing nothing but static. Without touching the poppet, she leaned over it and intoned three times:
When I place a pin in thee, A monkey Donald Trump will be.
She picked up the poppet and pierced it's rear end with a pin. She saw through the monkey's eyes that Donald Trump had left the dining room table where he, Melania and Ivanka had been eating and had begun to climb the dining room drapes. Melania and Ivanka just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. When Hillary removed the pin, Donald shouted and fell from the drape, eventually landing on his large rear end. He sat back down at the table without saying anything. Both Ivanka and Melania acted as if nothing had happened.
The next morning, after a quick breakfast of four Egg McMuffins, two cans of diet coke and a large piece of chocolate cake, Donald briskly entered that morning's meeting with the joint chiefs of staff.
Before seating himself, he smartly saluted the generals and said, “Good morning gentlemen”.
They murmured back, “Good morning”.
General Kelly moved to the end of the table and, as he was connecting his lap top to the projector there, he said, “First off this morning, sir, we have a report on the Syrian situation”.
Donald nodded and wished he could sleep sitting up with his eyes open.
Back in the grotto under the Comet Pizza Parlor, Hillary inserted a pin into the poppet's butt.
Donald stood bolt upright, knocking his chair over backwards. Nothing in the room except males of his species! Donald's reptilian brain kicked into overdrive and he leaped up onto the sturdy oak table. He began screaming and jumping up and down. He tore open his pants and began waving his penis at the Generals and other staff members seated around the table. All the while continuing to scream and leap.
General Kelly, still standing at the end of the table, looked down and began to rub his forehead and eyes with his right hand.
Hillary Clinton withdrew the pin and Trump became visibly calmer. General Kelly took this opportunity so say, “Sir, if you'll take your seat we can get through this quickly and get out of here”.
Trump nodded and sat down.
The next meeting that morning was in the Oval Office with Wayne LaPierre and Dana Loesch of the National Rifle Association. This was a half hour session to discuss how the responsibility for gun control measures could be pushed back onto the states where nothing would be done.
The two had just pulled up chairs in front of Trump's desk when Hillary again poked a needle into the poppet's butt. Again Trump sat bolt upright and his reptilian brain took over. On his left was a female of his species, of no consequence at the moment. But to his right was a male!
Trump leapt up onto his desk and began to scream, jump up down and shake his penis at Wayne LaPierre. A look of savage joy came over LaPierre's face and he too leapt onto the desk and began scream and shake his penis back at Trump. After a few seconds, Dana Loesch also leapt onto the desk and began to jump up and down and scream, although she had nothing to shake. This went on for a couple of minutes until Hillary again withdrew the pin from the poppet's butt.
As the three were climbing down from the desk, Wayne Lapierre exclaimed, “Whew! That was fun!”.
Dana caught his eye, smiled and nodded in agreement.
The final meeting of the day was tea with the Queen of England in the Rose Garden. Hope Hicks replacement was frantically steaming Trump's last clean pair of pants, the other two having been ripped apart during the meetings with the Joint Chiefs and the NRA.
The Queen was discussing Brexit when Hillary inserted her pin. The Queen saw Donald jump and then simply look confused. There were no other males present. None at the moment at least. But the Queen's footman then entered with a tray of thin bread and jams.
Trump immediately began his ritual display.,with spirited jumps and screams. The Queen had been briefed that this Trump character could be a bit over the top and she was determined not to let him ruffle her. Seeing that it was the footman who seemed to have brought on the attack, she motioned for him to leave. Once the footman was out of sight, Trump ceased the ritual greeting display and instead began to climb a tree.
“Yoo hoo, I don't have a lot of time”, said the Queen, waving a slice of toast and jam in Trump's direction. Trump dropped from the tree, ran to the table and gobbled it down.
Hillary withdrew the pin and Trump sat down and cleared his throat. “Where were we”, he asked.
Later that evening, Hillary stewed in her cave under Comet Pizza. She had wasted $1200 for the damn monkey, $7.99 for the kiddie pool, and $12.00 for the Trump doll. Plus all the trouble and the monkey bites. And people simply saw the ritual monkey displays as being within the normal bounds of Trump behavior, or else they enjoyed them. As Trump was fond of saying, this had all been a big nothing burger.
© 2018 Miss Fedelm
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4 Reviews  Last Updated on April 27, 2018 Tags: Trump, Monkey, Hillary Clinton Author
Miss FedelmAspen, COAboutI'm a lawyer by education, but mostly I've worked in ski towns and hung out there. Sometimes doing some pretty menial jobs. I was on a ski team for a while, and I got to show my stuff in competition, .. more..Writing
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