Spring

A poem of love found and tragically lost

Walking along the old stone wall

My hand lightly brushing against the memories,

Of those who died to complete it

And of those who have been there before.

 

Entranced by the sights that appear to be never ending,

I was surprised to see someone had taken the place next to me,

Admiring the sights as well. He asked me if the sights were beautiful.

Smiling, I nod and he begins to tell stories.

First of the wall, then of the countryside

Elaborating on the mountains

And going as far back as his childhood.

Finding I could only stand and listen,

We stood together watching the sun set

On the spring day.

 

An acquaintance turned into a friend

Who then became a lover.

Our laughter could overshadow any happiness

Even when we were alone, we found comfort in each other

And would always talk about the spring

When we would go back to the wall

And gaze out into the countryside

Remembering that is where

We came together.

 

The flowers bloom in the garden now,

As we walk together hand in hand.

He pauses, and takes a deep breath separating from me

However I can’t seem to stop going.

A whisper goes through one ear and out the other

I turn, too shocked to give an answer.

Approaching, he takes my hands in his,

I fall into his arms, filled with joy

we are to be married in the spring.

 

Tears streamed down her chocolate brown face

As my father’s dry hands grasped her trembling ones.

He stood in front, looking over the crowd

Preparing for what was coming down the aisle.

Standing nervously, he begins to sweat

Eyes darting from one side to the other,

waiting for the time to come.

 

He says he loves me and will never forget

The time we have spent together. He looks at me,

Dressed in white, and I can’t help but stare.

I wish I could tell him not to worry, to touch him

Hold him once more but I can only watch

As he is now crying, struggling to carry on with his goodbye.

Everyone understands his struggle and his yearning for a better time.

After all, we were to be married,

In the spring.

 

Author's Note

Suggestions for a better title and what needs improvement in this poem would be most helpful

Reviews

[Dalebear]

It it was pretty good. Yes I liked it and good write

[The Fatal Lover]

I thought it was pretty good. Yes something needs to be changed. But I can't really figure out what. But I did enjoy reading it. You did a wonderful job. ^_^

[Miss Coral]

The end seemed a bit muddled to me... there was a great build-up, and then you abruptly ended it. And, I can understand how that structure mirrors the situation itself, but it was a bit too abrupt for me. I may have even missed it.

I would also watch your tense changes- especially towards the beginning. Overall, nice write. I would capitalize "Spring" if that's going to be the title.

-Coral-