Poisons of Power

The duality behind magic. Is it worth using for its rewards, despite the cost? CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS NEEDED!

We are the whispers behind every spell,

the twist of your voice and the ring of the bell.

The power your words evoke into life,

we give of ourselves with a stroke of the knife.

The magic you seek to tame and harness

is by its nature far from harmless.

This power you weave from the depths of the earth

brings shadows and darkness outweighing its worth.

Trust in us and heed the warnings we give,

for we know all that has and all that will live.

The secrets within the bones of this world

to us are open as leaves newly unfurled.

The rewards of this magic you willfully use

are grand as was promised by spellbook's ruse.

Yet between every word are the sibilant lies

of the darkness behind power that hides from your eyes.

No matter the simplest wish you may cast,

each dip into magic leaves scars that will last.

Though deep they reside and hard to discover,

they ruin the mind like a treacherous lover.

We are the chaos behind every spell,

the shroud of the dead and the toll of the knell.

Hark and hear the warnings we speak.

Magic gives much and more does it wreak.

Author's Note

I need at least ten constructive reviews on this piece to allow it to be considered for an e-book anthology on fantasy. Please help! I need reviews with actual constructive substance, not something like "Good job" or "Great poem."

Reviews

[JR Darewood]

Wow, it's hard to be constructive on a poem so good it need no more construction!
this is fantastic and that anthology will be lucky to have you.
It's a difficult subject to deliver-- the subtleties of magical corruption, so it's a great accomplishment to pull it off like you did. I think what makes it powerful is the fact that you're given these words an ethereal author in the first and last stanzas... "We are the whispers behind every spell" It definitely gave me the chills!

[London Poet]

I really liked this poem, although I struggled with the third verse. I wander if it would be stronger without it?

[Enid Blake]

I think that you have done an excellent job with the rhythm and meter in this piece. It reads fluidly and the content is quite thought provoking. I like the first two lines of that penultimate stanza and particularly like that last line of the poem. It is conclusive and yet encourages deliberation... :)

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Congratulations this poem has been "approved" for publication in...

THE MAGICAL MYTHICAL MYSTERY COMPENDIUM.
-Metaphysical, Mystical & Fantastical Poetry of the Arcane

By John Phoenix Hutchinson and Others. (c) 2012

Please feel free to submit other poems as you are not limited to one entry. Also please write a short "bio" about yourself and send to me via private message. This will be published along with your poem. Thanks J.P.H.

Anyone wanting to make Submissions to this Writers Cafe "e" book Project can do so on my group page, the deadline is 1st of November 2012.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Made an executive decision on this one and its in. :)

[Nina St. Moritz]

Thank you so much! This means a lot for the poem to be accepted. :D

[Sirius King]

this is really great!
i like that its from the voice of the "spirits"
and its flow is almost like a spell in itself
this is a great write
i really enjoyed it!!!

100/100

[Nina St. Moritz]

Thanks for reviewing! I really wanted to go for the whole spell-like aura, because the warning is coming from the magic itself.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

I love the "We are" aspect of this poem like they are magical guardians protecting, warning about the dangers of dabbling in the occult. Rhymes well and I can see what the others mean about the title.
A good write though and fingers crossed :)

[PublishingAgent]

I agree with Lothlorien about title it needs a more magical mystical edge.

The poem is quite unique as you dont see that many works with warnings of the dangers of magic. You have expressed that well here and your rhymes are not clumsy but flow quite well.

[Nina St. Moritz]

Thanks! The title is getting revamped. Definitely.

[lothlorienwriter]

A poem about the darker side of magic. Neatly set out and well rhymed.
A very enjoyable poem with no weakness except for one, for me the title does not fit theme of the work the word beautiful seems out of place here.......I would of chosen a darker more magical word to place in front of chaos. Otherwise a quality piece I hope this get the reviews it deserves and needs.

[Nina St. Moritz]

Thank you for reviewing! And I think I will change the title. It was more of an on-the-spot title. Thanks again!