The Morning After

 

flames…

from the candles we lit last night…

still flicker…

as the sun rises.

 

the state of this room…presumably…

the after math of a mild cyclone.

the portrait above…

now hangs slightly off center…

caused by the rhythmic vibration…

 of your headboard.

 

colors…

strewn across the carpet…

your… red thong.

my… white cotton.

light blue… silk sheets…. flung passionately… to the floor. ..

the night before.

 

all that dress the bed now…

is an entanglement of brown skin…

my… disheveled hair…

your locs…sexily tossed…

cinnamon curves…

ever more alluring…

in the morning sunlight.

Reviews

[Kat Williams]

Nice write...It set the scene

[Damien Dsoul]

Your poem is captivating, not wholly from its words and thoughts, but more from its arrangement, which is more like watching a well-edited movie, each slideshow giving a more apt, providing more intricate beauty to the poem's romantic feel.

[Rion]

Hmm, it's nice, but I think it could be a lot better...
I didn't like the word 'thong'...it felt...to...
i don't know, 'slangy' for everything else around it...
and one part, where it rhymes, where it does nowhere else in the poem...
aaah...'to the floor... the night before'...
yeah, that stood out, and i didn't like it.
other than those to issues, i think it's quite good
keep up the good work
*thumbs up*
Rion