Chapter 22 [Celia]

Is this what other girl’s feel like in relationships? I can’t believe this… I mean, boys have cheated on me before, including Kris, but, I don’t know, I guess I was too drugged up to even care. Pathetic. I’ve been clean for maybe 2 months, and it’s so incredibly hard to stay sober. I’m dying for some coke, and I don’t mean the soda. I wish I could at least have a drink or something! But I shouldn’t. 
I was a great girlfriend, I totally satisfied Steven. How could that a*****e do that? He has to be gay. Except that wouldn’t make sense, because Ashley is a girl’s name. God D****t. I do have some coke still left in my makeup bag that I haven’t thrown out yet. I can’t have that though, because Ana would notice once she came back if I was high, and plus it’s not even mine. It’s my friend’s, his name is Richard. I’m holding it for him. Have been for a while. He’s actually the man who beat up Ana and Kris on numerous occasions, all because of me. I know it’s horrible that we’re still in contact, but I guess I just still really like talking to him. Does that make me a horrible person? It does, because he was the reason that Ana has this huge scar-
I just realized I should put on some makeup. Yeah, only Ana’s here, and she doesn’t care, but I’m really self-conscience about myself right now, because of assface [Steven], and I want to make myself look pretty. So I walk to the bathroom, and as I do, Ana’s annoying little dog Napoleon follows me. I kick him away. His whimper isn’t cute, it’s just annoying. I kind of hate animals. 
Not going to Hell isn’t the only reason that I’m letting Ana stay here. It was at first; the girl annoyed the s**t out of me. How she was and is still so vulnerable. And she’s so beautiful but she doesn’t know it. I wish I were still 25. She’s lucky. Well, I mean kind of. But I really do love Ana now. She’s so sweet, and this sounds pathetic because I just started talking to her again, but she’s probably my best friend. So I don’t have a lot of “girl friends”, what’s the big deal? 
I look in the mirror, and see myself staring back at me. I’m gorgeous, but I’ll be gorgeous-er with some makeup on. I grab my bag. I just want to see the coke for a second, not that I’ll use any of it…
It’s gone. What the f**k? S**t! I bet Ana flushed it; I saw her leave the house without makeup on. That stupid b***h! I hate her. Okay, s**t. Just calm down Celia. I try to calm myself by taking deep breaths and putting on makeup. Jesus Christ she is so retarded! Richard… he’s going to make me pay. I’ll just explain to him how it wasn’t my fault. Ana deserves it, right? She brought it on herself. I take my cell phone and hold down the number 3. That’s my speed dial for Richard.
“Talk to me baby.” Is the first thing that I hear once he picks up the phone. His voice is low, and unsteady.
“Richard! Hey babe. Listen, I…”I wait for him to interrupt me, or something, but he doesn’t. So I keep going. “I lost the coke.” I say. He doesn’t answer for a while, but I know he’s there, because I can hear him breathing.
“What the f**k do you mean you f*****g lost it?” He says, very angrily. 
“Look Rich, it wasn’t my fault. My new roommate, Ana, you know Ana, she flushed it.”
“I guess we’ll have to teach that stupid b***h a lesson.” He says, laughing. I hear more laughs behind him. 
“What are you going to do?” I say, suddenly panicked. What did I just do? I’m so stupid! I didn’t mean to do this!
“I’ll call you later. And you better pick up. You good for nothing b***h.” He says, in a twisted, serious tone. I’m shaking. I’m so, so stupid. I didn’t know what I thought I was doing by making that call… I’m always so retarded stuff when I’m angry. How do I get rid of this guilt? I drink. I close my cell phone and walk into my kitchen. I take out a cold bear, and guzzle it down in about a minute. I repeat this for 4 more beers, and I’m gone. I’m a lightweight. Not as light as Ana, but still pretty light. The room is spinning, and I feel amazing. I haven’t felt like this in so long. 
Someone’s at my door. Someone rings my doorbell. So I walk up to the door, tripping over myself, and answer it. Ana stands out there, with eyes of sympathy. 
“Ana.” Is what I say. 
“Can I-” She starts, and then walks into the door. 
“How’d it go?” I ask. Or at least I think I said that. I guess not though because Ana asks me to repeat myself. I ask again.
“He says he’s really sorry… but he loves someone else… and he… he thinks you guys are over.” She says, shakily. I feel bad for her; I probably should have done that myself. I feel like I want to cry, but I don’t.
“Boo hoo.” I say to her.
“Are you drunk Celia?” She asks me.
“Please.” I say. “Of course I am. My boyfriend cheated on me, give me a f*****g drink- I mean give me a f*****g break.” I say. She looks at me, her big eyes, curious of what I’ve been doing. I ask her to have a drink with me, but she says no thanks because she doesn’t want to feel sick again. I finally persuade her, tell her to do it for me, because I was feeling bad and it would make me feel better. 
We sit on the carpet, leaning against my new, white couch. Everything each other says is hilarious. We’re both drunk as hell. 
“You know, Celia.” Ana starts. “I think you’re a HUGE b***h. I hate you- I really do hate you. I love you. I’m so jealous of you Celia. Celia.” She says, slurring her words. I look aghast.
“WHAT?” I yell at the top of my lungs. “I’m jealous of you!” I say.
“Me?” She asks. “Why?”
“You’re stunning.” I say. She looks at me, contently. Her big eyes, still innocent, even though she’s been through so much s**t. 
I kiss her. Maybe it was supposed to be on the cheek, but if it was, I missed big time, because I hit her lips. She pulls away from my smooch, and looks at me, bewildered. And then she kisses me. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I hold her face in my hands. To my surprise, she’s a great kisser. I expected her not to be. Her amazing kisses start to trail down my neck, and then I pull her back to my face. Our moans dance around the room, almost echoing. At least they are to me. I stand up, pull her to her feet, and drag her into my bedroom. I push her up against my wall, and guide her head as she explores my mouth. She bites my lip. It hurts but feels good. I let out a whimper.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” She says. I start to kiss her again, shutting her up. I don’t want to hear her voice right now.