Chapter 19 [Kris]

“Kristofferson Bishop, congratulations.” The little dweeb says, standing at my door. He has a package in his hand. His voice is monotone. “You’re Hell phone has arrived. Congratulations.”
“You already-”
“With this phone, you’ll get a phonebook with the number of every person you have met in Hell so far.” His voice breaks. “Once you meet someone, there name will appear in your phonebook.” He shoves the package into my stomach, and slams the door. 
I open the package and find a red home phone. Two horns stick out of it. I dig further into the package and find a stand for the phone to sit on. It’s also red, and little stickers of Keith’s face pasted all over it. Wow. Attached to the package is a list. A list of everyone I know in Hell. There are 7 names total.
Keith [The Devil] Satan 
Aimee Sommers
Kale Einsieth
Charlotte Michaels
Jesus Christ
Carl Herbasski
Lydia Inlasber
I’m assuming Carl Herbasski is the dude that kicked my a*s at that bar. I should call Lydia to thank her, even though my plan failed. I’ll even invite her over. She’s sexy as Hell. I mean… as something. Sexy as Hell isn’t something I can really say anymore. Because Hell is not a sexy place. Anyways, She’s sexy, and maybe we could even f**k or something. I have needs, okay? It’s painful watching Ana. Though today watching her, it kind of gives me hope. Her and Celia are becoming friends, and I think Celia is really going to help her.
So yeah, I’m in a bit of a dry spell. I would never of thought I could even BE in a dry spell once I was dead. I’ll ask Lydia over, seduce her with my beauty, and then my dry spell shall be over! I’m being a pig, I know. But I won’t be like this when I have Charlotte. This’ll just be a fling. 
I dial the number it says next to Lydia’s name. It rings 3 times, and then she picks up.
“This is Lydia.” She says. Her voice, soft. 
“Lydia! It’s Kris!” I say, sounding stupid. 
“Oh! That guy who wanted me to make a girl sad, so he could get with her.” She says, coldly. I laugh, nervously.
“It’s actually more complicated then that… kind of. Anyways I was wondering…”
“Yeah?”
“If you wanted to come over… We could, uh…”
“You want to f**k, don’t you?” She butts in. I’m not sure what to say. I choke on my words for a while, and then I hear her laugh.
“I’ll be over in 20. And by the time I’m there, you better not be wearing any clothes.” She says. My once pale face has turned completely red. I’m usually cool when I talk to girls, but it’s scary talking to Lydia. My palms are sweaty.
I look in the full sized mirror in my bathroom. I pull down my pants, and underwear. Then I take off my T-shirt. A naked man stands in my mirror.
“You’re really doing this? You’re pathetic.” It says to me.
“Screw you.” I say back. Then I walk out of the bathroom. I stand, with my hands on my hips, legs apart, in front of the door. I stand for about 5 minutes, and then I hear someone knock at the door. This is it!
“C… come in, please.” I say, shaking. 
The door bursts open, and a sobbing Charlotte pops out of the door.
“Kris! I…” She says, and then sees I’m naked. “What are you… doing?”
“Hey Charlotte!” I say. I’m not sure if I should cover myself up, or what. 
“Why are you naked, Kris?” Charlotte asks, dumbfounded. 
“I…” I start. 
Someone else bursts though the door.
“Are you ready for the best sex of your life, b***h?” Lydia says, as she bursts through. My mouth drops. Lydia’s wearing a leather bondage outfit, and is holding a whip in her hand. Charlotte turns to look at her.
“You’re that girl at the bar…” She says.
“And you’re that fat girl.” Lydia snaps back.
Charlotte looks at me up and down, like she’s disgusted. Then she shakes her head and starts to leave. 
“Charlotte-!”
She starts to run, but then trips. Quickly, she gets up, and starts to run again.
“What’s wrong with you?” I say to Lydia, and then run after Charlotte. Still naked, I mind you.
“Wait Charlotte!” I yell, and she turns around. Just then, a f*****g storm breaks out. It starts pouring rain. How is that even like, physically possible if we’re in Hell? Charlotte turns around. Mascara trips down her flushed face.
“What Kris?” She yells, angrily. She’s about 10 feet away from me. 
“This isn’t what it looks like.” I yell back.
“Of course not. What is it then, Kris?”
“I…” I stutter. Then I walk closer to her. I decide I should just tell her the truth. “Okay, Charlotte? You want to know the truth? Fine. The truth is… I needed to get laid. It didn’t mean anything, really. I know what Lydia said really effected you. But… it’s not what you think. She didn’t-”
“You know her name?” Charlotte says, disgusted. I’m shivering.
“Well… You know what? I think you’re jealous. You want me, don’t you?” I yell at her. Mistake. She looks hurt.
“Screw you. Kris!” She says, and then she starts to walk away. I watch her. After a while, she stops, and turns back.
“YOU’RE DICK IS SMALL!” She screams at me, and then runs off. F**k her, my dick isn’t small! I am so mad at her right now. She can’t get mad at me unless she wants me. By now, I’m freezing. I run back to my house. Lydia’s still there.
“Why would you insult her?” I ask her, in a rather pissed off tone.
“I thought you would want me too…” She says. “So are you going to do this?”
“F**k yes we are, come on.” I say, and pull her into my bedroom. God I am so mad!
“Get ready for the time of your life.” She says, and pushes me onto the bed.