Hope

My mind has been full of thoughts I don't want to think, and memories I don't want to remember.

My heart has been beating the pain, anxiety, depression and anger deep in the veins that run throughout every inch of my body.

My soul has felt no worth, no reason to continue on, in so very long.

It's supposed to get better.

It was supposed to get better as time went on.

But time has gone on and I don't feel any better.

I used to feel this feeling, that gave me reason.

It made me keep breathing as I waited for time to go on, and my scarred mind to heal.

But now my mind is more scarred and my wrists are still bleeding.

The smoke is still blowing and the tears are still falling.

This feeling I haven't felt in so long.

This feeling I've become numb to.

I used to feel it knocking on the door to my heart and soul.

I used to try and let it in.

But soon I sunk deeper into my personal ocean, and it wasn't just me that drowned,

But the feeling I long for now, drowned too.

I still remember the name, but it sounds so foreign on my lips.

"Hope."

Tell me, what is it like to hope?

Because I can't remember.

Is it dark and suffocating?

Or warm and welcoming?

I want to know, to understand, to feel.

But I don't.

I don't feel it, I'm not sure if it's there anymore.