I'm not quite sure what this is.

This is a bunch of word vomit that came from a real place inside me, wherever that may be.

It is the moment where you take comfort in the fact that it was a dream. It’s the moment you realize that you’re a mess, and you can’t live without him. Or maybe you can, and you’re scared of that too. It happens at the moment that you know you eat too much, and you cry without tears and don’t shower. It’s these moments that let you know you’re not okay, it is your pain demanding to be felt. When you can’t imagine your life any differently than how it is right now at this moment, when you’re sitting in your bedroom eating caramel M&M’s because you didn’t buy peanut ones. But hey, as long as you have something to put in your mouth. See, we buy the caramel ones instead of the peanut ones in the hopes of trying something new- but really, it’s an attempt to not feel so alone. It happens at the moment where you write your feelings on a word document and think about leaving it up. That way maybe he’ll see it and talk to you about it, instead of you having to bring it up. You’re crying for help, babe, and no one can hear you. You text and get an answer, so you revel in the relief for a moment that he’s still yours, still in love with you, still fine- but then the relief passes and you need more. You’re a heroin addict who needs a fix; and you need it fast, don’t you? You chubby b***h. You go to watch Karl Pilkington in your bedroom because it’s all you feel like doing, and you can hide behind the door! Just wait though, you can’t hear Karl over the sound of you eating your Jalapeno Cheesies. You start f*****g crying at how miserable and mundane your life is getting, and how you’re twenty-one and living off government money. It is the moment where you take comfort in the fact that it was a dream. Once when you were little and you were snooping in your brother's room, and you found a note written to his girlfriend. It read "The first cut is always deepest." Another one said “Baby, I know,”

Reviews

[Lacey]

I felt all of this, but I keep wondering when does it ever get better or does it get better or worse.? I keep forgetting how it feels to be happy again and I been isolating myself and haven´t really been eating which put me down to 91 lbs when I just don´t know why I feel this I keep thinking it´s the fact that I keep being pulled in different directions by everyone in my life and am getting tired of life, but this is an emotional piece of work people definitely will relate great job!!!

[MissCole]

Thank you! It really helps to know that someone can relate to these s****y feelings. I think it does get better.

[Lacey]

I can definitely say I know several people have this same feeling, but they won´t show it and my dad is sticking by my side through it while his girlfriend and my sister are making me feel worse than I already do and it won´t get better now, but eventually I´m hoping it will