Time for Healing

Young, naive, innocent, yet now able to comprehend.

                He drew closer to me, closing me inward towards the corner.  My breath became heavier, I was trapped.  What was I going to do?  I had no choice; I had been abandoned for the night. 

                “You dirty tramp, always flaunting yourself in front of everyone, you s**t!”  His words slurred and he came closer to me and closer, pressing me against the wall with his repulsive alcohol stained breath. 

                “You dirty b***h, you take my girl away from me for the night, so she can get cash, so someone’s got to do her job don’t they?  Good thing the dumb b***h left you here, a little present for her man.”  Courtney had said she’d be back, that she just had to run and go get something, not to worry though she’d be right back.  I knew where she was going, I know she wouldn’t be back till late.  I curled up in my closet in the dark, I was scared and alone. 

                I don’t know how many minutes or even hours had passed, I just sat and curled closer in to myself and listened to every sound.  As if my life depended on me being able to jump and flee at any second.  I was scared, worried something bad would happen.  I thought of every possibilities, James coming home, Courtney bringing someone here, one of James buddies coming, everything but what did.  Someone unlocked the door, I had jumped up and went to it, hoping for some slim chance, mom had come home.  It wasn’t mom, Courtney’s boyfriend opened the door. 

                I froze scared to move or make a sound, maybe, just maybe God would spare me.  I prayed silently my eyes starting to tear up.  “God!  Please hear me!  Forgive me God for my wrong!  Please God, my guardian angels, please!  Keep close to me through the night.  I need you!  Please!”  I pleaded hoping he would grant me serenity.  Grant me peace.  I was not spared.  He found me, wrenching towards me he cooed me towards him, trying to sound innocent, calm, saying every thing is going to be ok, come here sweet thing.  I took a step forward my head down.  He grabbed my chin yanking it upwards, with every word a bit of his saliva slipped past his mouth like a shower of disgrace to my face.

                “Please, please, please, please, please…”  Over and over I pleaded, I begged.  I got free of his grip and slowly sank backwards to the wall.  I wished to be invisible, please leave.  I willed the power to move I tried to run, he caught me by the hair as I screamed out, “Please God!  Forgive me!  Please!  Save me!”  He squeezed tight to my arms, leaving marks.  He bent down to my head and whispered, “God can’t save you now.  I’ll fix you of your sins.  That’s all you are is a sin.  Just relax sweet thing, enjoy it b***h.  No one will ever touch you other than me.  You’ll never forget me or this moment.”  He was right.  I would never forget him.  Never once forget every detail of what he did to me, how he tore my insides, took my childhood and innocence.  Took me and left me with a shell. 

                Yet I know now who I am.  I am a survivor, he had left me a victim not strong enough to survive or even want to.  Instead of praying to be saved I had prayed to die.  I have learned from him though.  I never thought I would have the will power to keep myself living year after year after that.  I am now strong, happy, loved, unstained by his sin that was not my own.  I am not the one to bare the burden.  He on the other hand has an eternity in his conscious. 

Author's Note

It's not perfected, anywhere near, please forgive the grammar/ dialogue. Please if you are interested/ read leave a review so i may be able to perfect this.