As I Await Extraction from this Life...

As I Await Extraction from this Life...

A Poem by Mishael H.R. Martineaux

Do not try to make life palatable
with your sugarcoated ideals.
They rot the mind
and leave cavities in the soul,
like vacuums of great nothingness;
stinking and empty,
Wanting desperately, to be filled.

© 2016 Mishael H.R. Martineaux


Author's Note

Mishael H.R. Martineaux
My work is open to critique. What do you think of the metaphor? Is it complete and clearly depicted? Thanks in advance for your feedback!

My Review

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Reviews

The metaphor was clear and concise. It wasn't over stated or a long shot. Overall, you really got your idea across in a way that will be remembered by anyone who reads it even though your poem only consisted of 7 lines. It could also be applicable to any idea that is sugar coated, which makes it relatable to a majority of people. Good work, and I hope to read more from you!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Mishael H.R. Martineaux

8 Years Ago

Trying to effectively word short poetry is always difficult and a bit risky, but I'm happy to know t.. read more
I love this poem, simple but wonderful consistent metaphor that captures the sense of what happens when we use empty platitudes and trite phrases to soothe someone's pain. Yes, it feels complete to me. Thank you!

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Mishael H.R. Martineaux

8 Years Ago

Thank you Marianne, that is exactly what I was trying to express. It's wonderful to know that you a.. read more
Sugar rots and decays our teeth much like what 'sugarcoated ideals' may do to our insides. I'm not sure what ideals you are referring to though, but I do like the metaphor.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Mishael H.R. Martineaux

8 Years Ago

That is the exact significance of the metaphor! I'm glad to hear that you understand it. In terms of.. read more
Nessly

8 Years Ago

You're welcome!

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179 Views
3 Reviews
Added on June 28, 2016
Last Updated on June 28, 2016

Author

Mishael H.R. Martineaux
Mishael H.R. Martineaux

About
I am a Literature major and an aspiring author from the Caribbean. more..

Writing