Make-up, Masks And Fun Times

And so it seems I’m falling,
Back to what I’ve been before
I no they won’t accept it
I don’t know how they can take much more

I can’t get through its normal
For me in any case
To hurt this much is easy
Throw scorn at every face

I need to tell them more
Show them how I feel
But how could I ever explain this
How could I help them heal

Show them I’ve lost it once more
Force myself to let them back in
Try to hide the disasters
Yell it’s just my sin

Expression is to hard
The word I can’t ever find
To tell them I’ve got bigger problems
Then just my teenage mind

I feel the weight of it all
Screaming in my head
I no a perfect escape
But I no I shouldn’t see red

I should keep it all inside
Bottle it all up deep within
Sit on it for years…
Avoid even the sharpness of a pin

I have of think of others
Keep their smiles in place
Not ruin it all again
Not when I can hide this face

I find the mask once again
Exactly where they convinced me to leave it
In this very seat
After they dragged me out of the depression pit

Only I don’t think I ever truly left it
Don’t think they left me on solid ground
My feet are sinking back there
But I daren’t utter a sound

They can’t see me again like this
Weak, crumbling…needing them so much
I’m strong again now…
But only under the gentleness of her touch

I feel she alone can help
She understands when I cant tell
She lets me crumble so far
She saves me from my hell

I don’t think I’ve ever needed her as much as now
I don’t think I could even let her understand
It’s as if my minds slipping away
Through my hands like sand

Yet as ever under the mask I go
Helped by the hatred to strap it in place
Climb back on board the world
Try and get back in the race