Condemnation's Verse (revised version)

taken some suggestions from a reviewer of the original.

 

Condemnation's verse

Washing over you

Flung out to see,

A song of never-ending anguish.

You've already pushed it away,

And you'll never get it back

You lost the purpose

Lost the cause

Misunderstood

the meaning to this fight.

Can't deny the things you didn't do,

So don't forget

The things already missed.

Rely totally on yourself

And try to pretend

You need no one else.

You never saw the sacrifice

Going on behind shuttered eyes,

Never thought to lose the one to whom you'd confide

But you pushed her away,

passing thoughts against a fractured heart,

Cutting words and broken promises as your weapons,

And she's already gone.

There's nothin to do

But keep going on.

Don't deny,

Don't forget,

Bu most of all,

Don't reject.

Your anger

Washed away

Things you should've kept,

And now it's time

To understand

The things you misused.

 

**revised feb 24

Written feb 6th 06

Listening to disturbed's remember

Laurie.

Author's Note

Revised with some advice from a wc member - thank you for the help, l think this is - hopefully - much improved. still looking for any constructive criticism, as usual.

Reviews

[Thanh]

good work. thank you for sharing with us.

[Ron Reardon]

Really nice work! I can read this two ways, one, talking to someone else, and the second, talking to yourself. Both ways work well, which is a very cool thing. Well done!

[Danielle Asher]

it is hard for me to be objective because the subject is something I identify with right now so much. I wish i wrote this piece so i can post it on my wall for someone I need to read it. So basically I gather you can guess, I really liked it. I wish i saw what it looked like before so I could compare. Well, i thought it was very descriptive and gave a clear idea of the anger and frustration needed to be expressed. To me it was emphasized a lot by the contractions and words like 'should', 'never'. There is one typo toward the end. overall it is a great piece.