Destiny

Inner thoughts?

 

Destiny

 

I've got thoughts spinning in my mind,

A merry rollarcoaster of fear and hate,

Twisted love belonging only to those

Hiding behind lies.

I can't mask the greed

peering from souless eyes,

And my skin grows cold with terror.

My thoughts are the predator's

 most feared,

Destined to consume every last sparkling

Smile. A shroud of despair

Mocks a dry-eyed smile,

And l'm sure they'll figure it out,

If they ever care to look beyond the scorn,

But it's the curse of my unknown

Never to be found. 

 

January 20'th 08

Fishy

typo pointed out curtesy of another wc member, thank you muchly

Author's Note

Hah. something l just wrote

Reviews

[Azaradelle]

Chilling, deep, raw emotions. I love the subtle yet powerful way in which it is written. Says alot with very few words, but my interpretations may mean nought, for it seems this piece was written for you and only you.

One minor thing i noticed:

Line 7: 'And my skin groes cold with terror...' = 'Groes' = 'Grows'?

The line i loved best: "A merry rollarcoaster of fear and hate," - It is unique. You don't see the words 'merry', 'fear', and 'hate' in one sentence. Only makes it all the more chilling.

All in all, i enjoyed reading this, in all its darkness.

Keep writing!

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

[laceyjane23]

I love the emotion you put into this piece!
laceyjane

[T. R. Writer]

Something you "just wrote" and wrote very well. I feel like this really those speak of someone with great insight into not only her soul but the souls of others. When you are able to get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings like this, you become a very wise (and potentially dangerous) person :)

[Danielle Asher]

this definitely sounds like a peek into your inner thoughts but it leaves you wanting to know so much more. However, you can tell there is a deep sense of emotion, passion and darkness all things that make for a good writer most of the time. I look forward to reading more of your work.

peace,
Danielle

[None]

This is mysterious and leaves me wanting to know more. An incredible poem with so much emotion woven through. Excellent!

[Ed Rector]

the title might want to be changed... it works but something else might be better... i liked the metaphores such as

"I've got thoughts spinning in my mind,
A merry rollarcoaster of fear and hate"

well done.