Her Final Hope

This poem is in memory of family, friends and those who are fighting their battle with cancer and those who now rest peacefully in heaven. <3

The wilting flowers represent her hope

          Each day it’s harder to cope         

They once stood strong

                   And once did she                  

As they brown

She grows tired

The petals fall to the table

As Her hair falls to the ground

Lonesome, one flower sits

Alone, in a crowded room of people

One by one they wilt

One by one they leave her

As the vase sits empty

Her heart becomes weary

She knows it’s coming now

Breathing is slowing down

The life she loved appears in her watering eyes

With one last breath she smiles

Ready to take on what lays before her

Just like she’s always done

Brave for the last time

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar problems and so on. I'm only sixteen so if the poem seems childish, I'm sorry. But I'd love for some truthful reviews because my notebook doesn't talk back. Thank you(:

Reviews

[Susie Q]

Thanks for reviewing my poem. This poem is very passionate and a beautiful tribute to someone you love. It is very visual and describes the courage of someone Special. Miranda, for a sixteen year old you are very inspiring. I like to write from the heart. I hope you will keep writing because memories and emotions will come to the surface and become medicine for the soul. Age is not even a factor when you express yourself so well. Take care my young friend. My father left our family after suffering from cancer to a better place where he won't have to suffer anymore and left us beautiful memories.

[ibluestrawberry]

Hello there! (thanks for your review on my poem :D)
I've got to say, I liked this poem's concept, and the story you tell with it.
One thing that I think you could improve on is settling on a certain style for your writing. You have a wonderful way with words, but this feels a little bit unsettled in terms of being able to show what kind of rhythm you want to have. In some places, you start off with a good flow of words, but it gets somewhat cut off by the next line. In short, too many styles of poem in a poem if that makes any sense.
And don't apologize so much for your writing! The best advice I've ever been given about writing: never fall in love with your writing and be conceited about it, because if you feel strongly enough about it to write, then you have something worth saying. It's just saying it which needs practice.
I hope this helped!

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Don't apologize so much for your writing, Hon! I really enjoyed this poem and your visual writing style. You didn't just use words to tell a story; you painted with words, too. Excellent; excellent job!! Can't wait to see more!!!

[alesuriko]

This is really well written. Extremely emotional and descriptive. You do a wonderful job at expressing the imagery in this is girl's life and allowing the readers to emotionally relate. The imagery behind the wilting flowers and her hair is so vivid, I can really see this girl laying in the hospital bed. I'm guessing she's on chemo and that is something very hard for many people to go through, especially when it turns out the effort didn't cure the cancer. It's tough for people to lose such a draining battle, but it's really nice that you gave this character hope and courage. It's very inspired. The structure could use a little work, but it is a good poem. Well done.