The Girl

Just a short story about a short life.

The girl woke up to the sound of soft melodies. Her eyes scanned to where the sun was peeking into her room. Opening the blinds, balls of color jumped from branch to branch. Nudging against the fluttering leaves,grasped tightly by the tree's slender arms. She could smell the blossomed flowers, scents invaded her nose, tickling it as a tremendous sneeze erupted from the petite girl. Her feet slowly guided her towards the sunshine, the songs of the birds grew louder, echoing inside her racing mind. Eyes scavenged hungrily for color. Blue to violet. She was surrounded by swaying rainbows and tickling grass. Each touch trembled beneath her fingers, slightly brushing away the dew that sat upon the flowers leaves. The little girl couldn't help but smile. She giggled as the breeze grazed against her. Her black hair, in thin whisps drooped on to her shoulders. She twirled around, letting the world spin and mix colors. Before she knew it, the little girl's final breath was taken away by the breeze. Her final moments of being embraced by the warm sun was nothing but just a fleeting dream.

Author's Note

I think I did too much tell instead of show and some of the description is quite forced, I'm not sure but what do you guys think?

Reviews

[Superlolp]

I think it is very good! :)
I do think there are some parts where you could do a bit more "tell instead of show", but I think overall this is a great piece!

The only other thing I do have to say, is I think you mean petite, not petit. I may be wrong, though. I've never heard of the word petit, so I looked it up before correcting you, and it turns out that it is a real word (excuse my limited vocabulary lol), but from the tiny dictionary definition of the word ((of a crime) petty.) that google gave me, I'm not sure if that does work in the sentence where you had it.

So either:
1. This is a great piece with a minor typo,
or
2. This is a great piece that I didn't fully understand.

Either way, though, it is a beautiful piece.

(you may see that I like to ramble on about things, so hopefully when I post something on here, I can control that...)

(I changed my rating from 95-->97 b/c a piece on the main page has 95.83%, and this is a better piece, so I think it should be rated higher.)

[DoctorX]

Nyeh-
Thank you so much! >w<
I really appreciate your feedback but thank you for pointing that out. I meant to write petite but I guess I bit of my French slipped through. >-