Pauline and Minku.

This short story might not have the best of vocabulary, but I think it teaches us all a lesson! I can only ask of you to share this with others :) Hope you enjoy!

The very minute she had walked into the classroom; the boys started hysterically laughing and the girls were whispering and giggling. I just stood there, not certain of what to do. Pauline was overweight. She did not seem surprised with our reaction, it was as if she was used to living like this all her life. She took a seat near the window, next to Bryce Bryant who covered his nose when she walked past him. “And she smells horrid too!” he commented, rather loudly. The whole class began to chuckle, so I couldn’t help to flash on a grin when somebody would look at me. I was very disappointed with myself, and I couldn’t help but feel just a little bit bad for Pauline, but as a boy with a popular status; I wasn’t allowed too. 

It had been a week and everyone was still being extremely nasty to Pauline, especially the girls, I heard that as a prank, Alison Matthews had invited her to her birthday sleepover and they had locked Pauline in the bathroom all night. By this time, I realised I had to put an end to this. But how could I without getting teased and tormented by all my so called “friends”.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch and recess, everyone made their way out the door and into the cafeteria. “Come on, guys! let’s eat fast so we can get the whole field to ourselves.” Johnny, one of the jocks, had said. As they were going, I slyly went the other direction to Mr. Wig’s office. Mr. Jack Wig was the school counsellor, he was a Korean man and he very friendly! everyone said he was loads of fun to be with. I hoped he could help me with this Pauline situation. As I knocked on his door, I suddenly regretted my decision! I didn’t want to help her. She was nothing to me, but yet, i don’t know why, it still deeply affected me to watch her get bullied. It was too late too turn back, so I patiently waited for him to respond. “Come in, fellow person!” I heard his voice say. As I entered the room, I saw many pictures of him and his family in a glass, golden frame placed on his pale blue wall. He also had lots of medals and trophies too, he must be good at sports! “Ah, Daniel. What is it that you want?” Mr. Wig said, taking a bite into his falafel. I was quite surprised he knew my name, seeing everyday he has dozens of children to cope with their own problems. Mr. Wig was a very thin, tall person. He looked about forty of age and yet he had a lot of wrinkles already! His teeth were slightly crooked but they were nothing compared to mine. Studying Mr. Wig, I realised it wasn’t going to help me get anywhere. Looks don’t matter, I knew he was a very kind, sincere and helpful person. “Mr. Wig, I have something to confess. And i’m not very proud of it.” I sighed. Mr. Wig nodded, “Everyone has deep, dark and terrible secrets. You needn’t be afraid to speak up, Daniel.” He said. “Mr. Wig, do you know that new girl Pauline Anderson? She’s in my class. I don’t know if she came to you already to seek some help but, Mr. Wig, Pauline is getting bullied. It’s been a week now and I hate myself for not coming to confront it to you. Now that I am, is there anything you could do to help with this situation; It would be nice, not for me. But for Pauline! And if you do decide to do so, please don’t say it was me who confronted this, I wouldn’t want to get bullied too.” After saying this, I felt a huge wave of relief flood through me. I felt good, but also scared of how Mr. Wig would react. Out of all, Mr. Wig seemed disappointed. “Very well then, Daniel. I’ll do what i can. You may leave now…” Mr. Wig said. As I left, I didn’t know what was in store for me. A trip to the principal’s office? A lecture from Mr. Wig? detention for a week? I didn’t really care now, all I wanted was for Pauline to feel better coming to school everyday, and not having to put up with the class’s snarky comments, (including mine!)

The next morning had seemed the same, until the bell rang for first class, where our homeroom teacher, Ms. Dillon, had announced that there was another new girl coming to school. “I would like you all to make her feel very well welcomed and at home.” She grinned. We waited for about five minutes of her arrival, Johnny and Bryce were whispering about the game last night, and all the girls huddled up in one corner, gossiping and reading their magazines. Pauline sat at the far end, all alone. I wonder what she was thinking, maybe she was hoping to make friends with this new girl. As this new girl walked in, she wasn’t looking too hopeful. “I’m Minku Wig. I’m Mr. Jack’s daughter.” She simply said. Minku looked just liked Mr. Jack, (except for the wrinkly bit) and her hair was long and beautifully platted. Instantly, Alison exclaimed; “Minku, come sit next to me!” She grinned. Minku studied her, “You must be Alison. No thanks, Alison. But I’d prefer to sit…” She looked around the classroom and grinned widely when she saw Pauline, “Next to you, if you don’t mind.” She said, making her way to the empty desk near Pauline. Pauline’s eyes lit up. “Not at all.” She said, with a gleam in her eye. 

As the bell rang for home time, Pauline came up to me; hand in hand with Minku, I might add. I felt scared, was she going to complain on me for the past? I gave a little gulp, with my hands trembling slightly. “Thank you, Dan.” Was all she said, grinning slightly, she walked ahead with Minku. “You’re welcome.” I whispered.

Reviews

[Yehshaihah]

I really like this story. its a very honest take on a problem that faces many people who aren't just over weight but many other things that society seems to look down on and outlines a very good solution. in England we don't have school counselors it makes me honestly wish we did.

however i do feel there are some words that don't quite fit for example :
"I hate myself for not coming to confront it to you" i think confront is quite an aggressive word and doesn't quite cover the internal struggle inside the narrators head maybe if the sentence read
"i hate myself for not coming to admit this to you sooner" it may come across slightly better.

"Come in, fellow person" it comes across a little robotic almost maybe look for a slightly more cheerful greeting.

but having said all that i love this story and there is most certainly the potential for a much longer story. keep writing you are obviously very very talented :)

[Mira]

Thank you Ben! Even I did feel something was quite wrong- you just cleared my doubts on the story for me. :)
Mira.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. I like the story line and the character. You create sad situation that led to good ending. You gave some lessons also. Thank you for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote

[Mira]

Thanks Coyote! Your review is much appreciated!
Regards and safe journeys.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[richieb]

Mira, very well done. Your story shows the cowardly thinking of group mentality. No one wants to think deeper than the surface so no has the courage to to change situations. Your story shows when we recognize the flaw in our judgements and choose to do the right thing we can "move mountains". Richie B.

[jesserose99]

there was an honesty to this story, because it would be next to impossible for the popular kid to do anything but what he did without risking his own behind to kingdom come. very well written. I really enjoyed the lesson about bullying and having the courage to do something.

[Mira]

Thank you! Your review is much appreciated :)

Regards,
Mira.

[JayG]

Okay…remember as you read, you did ask… ;)

I’m not going to comment on your stories, because first, you need to look at approach and structural issues that are getting in your way. I chose this one as the place to post this because it happened to be the one I was looking at when I wrote this. I posted it here, rather than sending it via email because what I have to say applies to much of the writing we find on writing sites like this.

The most important thing is that at the moment, you’re focusing on plot as you write, and making sure that the reader has all the necessary information. So first, you sum up the situation. Then you provide an overview of the action. In other words, you’re reporting “Story,” and using the set of tools and the approach we’re all taught in our school-days. That’s great if you’re writing a history book, where the goal is to inform the reader. But not as desirable when the goal is to entertain.

Ask ten people why they read fiction and they’ll say, “For the story,” and they’ll believe that to be true. But halfway through the reading, do we know the story? No, only a portion of it. And after the first three pages we know almost none. Yet the average reader makes their decision to buy, in the book store, on three pages or less. So, obviously, there’s something else, of more importance, in play, that keeps us turning pages. And that, the thing that those outside the profession miss, is that the reading must FIRST entertain. The reader must be given pleasure—an emotional response to what's happening in the story, as-they-read-it, not as the sum of various details. And to keep the reader turning pages that pleasure must be minute-to-minute.

Look at yourself. When you read, what really matters? Isn’t it the struggle of the protagonist, as seen from that character’s viewpoint, as he or she reacts to those events?

Talk about the progression of events and you have a report—a history book. And who reads history books for entertainment? They’re dry and dull because they’re told in overview, and lack uncertainty because the events are immutable. But when we write fiction from the viewpoint of our protagonist, in that fleeting moment they call "now," their future is uncertain. He or she speaks, or perhaps acts. We, as readers, know that. We also have been made to know WHY they spoke/acted, and what they hope to accomplish by it (their viewpoint). But neither we nor the character know what the response to that will be, other than the fact that it might not be what we, hope for. And it’s the uncertainty that keeps us turning pages. And, the more that response matters, and the more uncertain we are of success, the more the reader has an emotional stake in what happens next.

That's the difference between telling and showing: viewpoint—which is NOT the same as POV as defined by personal pronoun usage. Viewpoint doesn’t require first person, it requires that we think, and make the reader think, with the protagonist’s mind.

The trick is to involve the reader on so deep an emotional level that when someone throws a brick at our protagonist the reader ducks. And to do that takes trickery and knowledge that our teachers never hinted at while we were perfecting our book-report and essay writing skills in school.

Why? Well, first, because they didn’t have that knowledge either. As professional teachers, they’re not trained in the professional knowledge of the fiction writer. Remember, the very purpose of public education is to provide industry with a workforce that has a predictable, and useful (from industry’s perspective) set of skills. Business needs us to know how to create writing that informs. Nonfiction writing skills, in other words—author-centric and fact-based.

The skills of the fiction writing pros weren’t covered in their teacher’s education, any more than were those of the physicist, or any other profession. But use those school-day skills to write fiction, and the result reads very like a report. Fiction writing, in order to emotionally involve, and entertain, is character-centric and emotion-based, a style of writing we're never told exists.

If you look at the average writers website roughly 50% of the stories are written with our schooldays skills. The other half are a transcription of the author verbally telling the story—which can’t work because verbal storytelling is a performance art, one that cannot be reproduced by the printed word medium. So you have lots of company, including me when I turned to recording my campfire stories.

So my comment, overall, isn’t about good or bad writing. It’s not about talent or potential, either. It’s about having a skill-set appropriate to the medium and the message. And fixing that problem is simple, though not easy.

It’s simple because it’s a matter of picking up the necessary professional skills—which is true of any profession. It’s not easy though, for the same reason that perfecting the set of writing skills you currently own wasn’t. It takes time, practice, and study. But the good news is that the learning can be like going backstage at the theater, and as a new concept is pointed out you’ll often find yourself saying, “Why didn’t I see that? It’s so simple.”

Some suggestions:

For an overview of how to present a strong viewpoint, try this article:
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

It has the power to involve the reader emotionally, in real-time. And if it makes sense, pick up the book it’s based on: Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer.

For why a strong POV is necessary, try this:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2015/05/13/inside-out-the-grumpy-writing-coach/

For what we’re trying to do to the reader, try this:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2014/09/14/a-mirror-for-the-mind-the-grump-writing-coach/

And in general, you might want to poke around in the writing articles in my blog for an overview of the issues.

Always remember that writing isn’t a destination. It’s a journey, one that lasts a lifetime. So hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Gorgon]

The story is a very good attempt. Your concepts are good. Just like your super hero piece, they are novel. But the solution to the problem is lacking. I would have preferred if Daniel took the step to resolve it instead of Minku Wig.

[Mira]

Thank you Gorgon!
Your review is appreciated, I should've done something like that, but I'm okay with it being like this :D

Mira.

[Zoe Taschereau]

I enjoy this story a lot. Maybe try to seperate the paragraphs more? great moral!

[Mira]

That's the problem with me, I'm really sucky at dividing paragraphs...It's as if I almost forget :P
Thank you.

Mira

[Krizito]

GREAT... Sometimes we've got to be the guy that put the wheels in motion; nice job.

[Mira]

Thank you :)
Appreciated.

Mira.