Death.

A lady who wanted a perfect Death.

So,I let my self be a part of it,the Darkness,
So that all my sorrows just stir into the Velvety Blackness..
Whenever,with an effort I moved my lips to call out for happiness,the only answer was the screaming silence..
Every pulse of mine hurt with each tick of the clock,
Tick.. Tock.. Tick.. Tock..
Yes,I was the victim of it's evil captivity,'Pain',
To suspire,had become difficult,
It was like I was clinging onto every breath of mine,
Coldness hung in the air,
And in the moment nothing burned so bad as Cold,
The sense of smell desired his fragnance,
And the sense of sight desired the angel,
And it was all so bitter for my tastebuds,
And I knew soon I would turn into deadwood,
But I had had this strong feeling of wanting to die in his arms,
What a beautiful Death it would've been..?

Reviews

[Tom McRoberts]

A lot of really interesting choices here, Mirab! I particularly liked the juxtaposition inherent in cold burning, if both extremes of temperature are expressed one must assume there's very little that can be done to treat either pain. Another stand-out for me was how you spelled out the ticking of the clock, you've made time unbearable, heavy. Keep it up!

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou So Much Tom! I'm really glad that you appreciated!!

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure :)

[Anahat]

Very well written Mirab :)
Dark yet so beautifully powerful!
Great job!

-Anahat :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much Anahat!
Happy to know that :)

[A. Amos]

You have great magic going on in your writing above, some typos need to be fix.

[Mirab Irfan]

Thakyou so much :)
And I would love to know what exactly is needed to be fixed ?

[A. Amos]

In first line "myself" and your most welcome

[Mirab Irfan]

Ahh..i just noticed!
Thankyou so much! :)

[A. Amos]

you're most welcome my friend

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!
dark......powerful......
yet a beautiful longing.......for those final moments....
very intriguing.........clever write.....
could feel the cold burning.......
i loved it!!!
:)

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou Pushkar!
I really feel good hearing this :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome..........!!! :) :)

[Ana B.]

A perfect painted death :) Wonderful write dear author.

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much Ana! :)

[B]

Ironically enough

I see life in this piece

[Mirab Irfan]

Nisreenaa,Thankyou so much for your words! :)

[Kousika]

Thinking whether one can think so much beautiful things in death ..
Astonished to see it.. A great line mixing.. comgrats..

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much.I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

I don't know if Death can be beautiful, but you succeed in letting me think about it. That's of the goals of a poem, let people think, discover... Very well done. :) Rudi

[Mirab Irfan]

Rudi,Thankyou so much for your words.I'm very happy to read your review! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it could definitely be a beautiful death, to die in a lover's arms...i like your oxymoron there...

well painted picture here.

j.

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much Jacob,I'm so glad you appreciated! :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such beautiful feeling in such a brutal poem from a diamond heart.

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou for your words John! :)

[R Smith]

If this is your first poem, what a beautiful start it will be, its very dark the death and sense of foreboding are leaping from the page but with an angel and your desire to be in his arms, die or not its a great success, beautiful work Mirab and thank you for the friendship :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much Richard,I found your comment to be very motivating for me.Please keep reviewing like that! Thanks again!! :)

[R Smith]

You're welcome Mirab I shall do my best to motivate you, its easy when you write so well :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Thanks again Richard! Motivation's needed indeed ! :)

[R Smith]

whenever you are in a negative situation, use it to write a poem, this turns your negativity into a positive outcome, your poem, use adverse situations to create but always remember to explore your more soft and sensual nature as well, basically anything and everything around you is a potential poem, if you think of a line always have pen and paper handy, so many times i've lost a poem because by the time i find a pen i've forgotten the line, i hope i've been helpful, probably you know most of it, good luck for your writing, you'll be just fine :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Richard trust me,i'm very thankful to you for telling me all this.I will surely do as you said.And i'm sure it's going to be very helpful for me.Thanks Alot!! :)