Death.

A lady who wanted a perfect Death.

So,I let my self be a part of it,the Darkness,
So that all my sorrows just stir into the Velvety Blackness..
Whenever,with an effort I moved my lips to call out for happiness,the only answer was the screaming silence..
Every pulse of mine hurt with each tick of the clock,
Tick.. Tock.. Tick.. Tock..
Yes,I was the victim of it's evil captivity,'Pain',
To suspire,had become difficult,
It was like I was clinging onto every breath of mine,
Coldness hung in the air,
And in the moment nothing burned so bad as Cold,
The sense of smell desired his fragnance,
And the sense of sight desired the angel,
And it was all so bitter for my tastebuds,
And I knew soon I would turn into deadwood,
But I had had this strong feeling of wanting to die in his arms,
What a beautiful Death it would've been..?

Reviews

[Tom McRoberts]

A lot of really interesting choices here, Mirab! I particularly liked the juxtaposition inherent in cold burning, if both extremes of temperature are expressed one must assume there's very little that can be done to treat either pain. Another stand-out for me was how you spelled out the ticking of the clock, you've made time unbearable, heavy. Keep it up!

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou So Much Tom! I'm really glad that you appreciated!!

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure :)

[Syed Zeeshan Haider]

loved it from start till end. Its very mature and well handled poem. I can't type the feeling it left after i read the poem. You are one talented writer Mirab.

[Mirab Irfan]

I am glad you liked it.Thankyou again Zeeshan. :)

[Ria Carol]

Interesting concept you have written about!...its really good

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

And I knew soon I would turn into deadwood...Such a wonderful line beautifully wrote!

[Mayank]

I think there are many who believe death should be silent, some wants to be die beside their loved ones. There is slight irony that how can anyone ask perfect death as painful, because one always need comfortable death. However, that is one aspect making your words darker than everything... death not so peaceful but painful and then, coldness.

[Willard Wells]

I am having trouble finding the corrects words, so I will tell you I like the feel of the piece and I can feel your emotions within it. I would say lost or longing for love and even dying in his arms would have him close. I keep trying, but not coming out right, but I did like and thanks for sharing your mind.

[Mirab Irfan]

Willard,I can make out what you're trying to say.
And thankyou so much.I am glad you liked it.

[wordman]

a dark piece,but a well written one,and the thought of dying in someones arm`s is a
folk lore for many years. a great and creative write

[Mirab Irfan]

That's true!
And thankyou so much :)

[wordman]

you are welcome

[AaronFreitas]

What an awesome write Mirab... I loved it from start to finish :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Aaron.Thankyou so much! :)
Glad you liked it.

[AaronFreitas]

You're welcome :)

[Will Neill]

Mirab, A very dark and compelling piece. Well written and very much enjoyed.
Will

[Mirab Irfan]

Will,thankyou so much.
Glad you liked it :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

Nicely penned. A most enjoyable read. It's like a love poem for death. Written beautifully. :)

So, I let myslef be a part of it,the Darkness,
So that all my sorrows just stir into the Velvety Blackness..
Deliciously written. A great beginning. :)

Whenever,with an effort I moved my lips to call out for happiness,the only answer was the screaming silence..
Perfect lines. They shed light on the topic so clearly. :)

Every pulse of mine hurt with each tick of the clock,
Somehow I don't think every pulse hurting is correct. I've only heard of pulse as the pulse you feel which basically refers to heartbeats. Still, a great line. :)

The sense of smell desired for his fragnance,
And the sense of sight desired for the angel,
When you use desire, it's ''desire for'' but when you say desired it's ''I desired something'' and not ''I desired for something''. But yeah the lines are absolutely beautiful. As I said earlier, they make the poem appear like a love poem. :)

But I had had this strong feeling of wanting to die in his arms,
What a beautiful Death it would've been..?
Beautiful lines. You've romanced death itself in the lines. :) Just this, the question mark at the end got me confused because it doesn't seem like a question. I think an exclamation would be more appropriate here or maybe you could change the order of the words. :)

A great poem over all. Well done. :)

[Mirab Irfan]

Bushra,i really really appreciate your review :)
Really happy about the corrections you made!
I'm so glad you liked it.And Thankyou so much! :)
I would want you to keep on reviewing my stuff like that :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

You're most welcome and I'll definitely try to keep reviewing as much of your work as possible. :)

[EileenMarie]

A great spoken piece. Provides a clear sense of being part of. Nice write!

[Mirab Irfan]

Thankyou so much EileenMarie!
I am glad you liked it :)