My Experience With ADD

Felt like crap, decided to jot down my thoughts. ADD was terrible today. Makes perfect sense to me, probably a steaming pile of dung for anyone else to decipher. More for me than anyone else.

Nausea. Is that what this is? No. Nausea is formed on the pretext of a following action; a release. God, it feels wretched. But there is no release, no climax to this ache. I've felt this often. My eyes see colors and shapes, but my mind won't give them meaning. Turning, churning, spinning, free fall. My head hurts. My thoughts race all too fast and my hands shake uncontrollably. Is it the meds? I don't know. I can't even remember how many I'm on. Their names? No, no, no, no. Names are scrambled and bled dry. Do they need names? What is my name? I think I know, but I dare not delve that deep. My thoughts are already too jumbled and I'm not even thinking. Just observing. Absorbing. Trying to, at least. What is the humming? Yellow, yellow, orange, red? I think there are lines. Smell is indescribable. Pencils? Paper. Scratchy, scratchy clothes. Taste is bitter, like old coffee. I've never had old coffee. Maybe it isn't as bitter as fresh coffee? Does it have to make sense? Milk is nice. I think it's thick. Thick, white. Yellow? Yellow is dominant now. Buzzing. I am weak. Can I sleep? Sleep and eat. Milk is food, but also drink. It is good for sleep. Let me go, go, go now. I want to leave. Is it time yet? Time is an illusion. The clock's hands wind and twist and turn in impossible ways. Black and white. 2 + 2 = ??? Why is this knowledge locked? I know all that I do not need to, but none of what is needed. Passwords are difficult to remember. Why are people so terrible? If they were not, then we would not need passwords and the world would be simple. Is a womb our first bed? If so, can I sleep now? Sleep is freedom from the static. Static is not fuzzy. It is scratchy. Why do people say it's fuzzy? Am I asleep? Oh, it is time now. Time to go. Goodbye and I will see you soon. Can I live? Goodbye. Close.

Author's Note

Decided to record my thoughts in 5th period today while I was having a border-line breakdown. It was interesting to read again after I'd calmed down. Don't need any criticism on this one, really it's here for me more than anyone else, as I like to over-analyze my own mental state. I decided to share it though, just in case anyone's interested in what having ADD is like, at least in my experience. Please don't tell me I'm looking for attention with this. I'm rather sick of being told that whenever I mention my mental health. I might actually salvage a few lines of this for future poems though; some of it's not too terrible. Hope you guys had a better day than I did, and as always, thanks for reading.